Declaration of a Patriot
I am ashamed to live in a nation full of laziness and cowardice. We do not deserve this free country that such brave men fought and died to secure for us. We let our politicians regularly break our laws and we do nothing about it. They trample the Constitution from both sides of the aisle and We the People are so divided that we can only argue about which side infringes freedom less.
When it was clear a revolution was needed, nobody did anything.
Even now when the corrupt government talks about taking away our last means of self-defense against the encroaching tyranny? No one does anything but talk about how they'll fight alone, in their houses, with no other Patriot within 100 yards to hear the cry to battle and assist. Everyone will die, one by one, alone in their homes, until the Patriot culture is weeded out of society and the revisionists write us all off as conspiracy-theorists and kooks.
Everybody talks big, but nobody ever does anything. In the end, a few proud men, remembering the once-free nation given to them at birth, will die alone in their homes after a gunfight when they have refused to relinquish their rights, but they will be just a footnote in the news. Life will continue on and the true traitors will continue to stay in power.
I wish I lived in a country where Patriots actively defended against the tyranny instead of waiting for it to come to their doorstep. I wish I was a younger man and that I was even half as strong as the men and Patriots that my forefathers were. I wish we had a fighting chance.... America is dead and gone, and many people do not even realize it yet.
But all is not yet lost.
Because America was founded by tough Hell-raisers.
Rugged citizens who evaded taxes, spoke strongly against tyranny and government interference, and grew tobacco. These same Patriots grew hemp, brewed beer and distilled spirits, smuggled weapons, and were willing to fight for their rights as free men.
....And it will be saved only by those same types of citizens.
Remember this: "In the face of tyranny, revolution is our duty."
Many years ago, I swore an oath to "...defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic. So help me."
Lest I besmirch the tradition of said oath, I shall stand by my vow. May my fellow brothers and Patriots smite me where I stand if, by my hand, the blood of those in which I swore to defend is spilled upon my homeland.
“When the people fear the government there is tyranny, when the government fears the people there is liberty.” ― Thomas Jefferson
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. ―That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness." (emphasis added by myself)
Listen well. This place is not real life, and no one gives a FUCK about your morality. Inevitably, I will be called a troll, I will be blocked or even reported by someone.... But those who have been here for a long time? You know exactly what I'm talking about.
This place is not Facebook, nor Twitter. This place is not a conversation between individuals, nor is it a "game". This is a place where no one matters, but everyone matters, and that is the beauty of it.
I come to this place to let it all out.
I come to this place to mock the humorless.
I come to this place to corrode others.
...I come to this place to let out the monster I am inside, and to get away from the fucking sheep who take life FAR too seriously.
And this is the beauty of this place. No matter how hard you throw your opinion at me, you will always lose. For an opinion formed by an anonymous, unknown source is without merit. The little rock you throw at me will pass unnoticed to the monster that I truly am.
I am not deterred, nor discouraged by your efforts to silence me. I am more than a man, I am an ideal.... I am everyone of you.
I am the voice that tells you to accelerate and hit the car that just cut you off in traffic.
I am the tightness in your chest when you didn't get that promotion at work.
I am the split-second grin on you lips when tragedy befalls someone who has wronged you.
...I am the living avatar of your humanity and your civilized society eroding into oblivion. I am a part of you, the "you" that no one wants to admit exists. The dark and cracked mirror that reflects all of your faults.
Call me "Wolf".
I shall continue forward and nothing can stop me, for to deny me would be to deny yourself.
Now go. You don't belong in this place.
Leave if you value your sanity.
This is a public statement in order to clear the air regarding any misconceptions surrounding me....
I am aware that I am viewed as a cold, heartless and savage monster by many. I am also aware that some people consider my actions to be "unpredictable" at best and "downright evil" at worst. While I make no apologies for my actions, I would offer a simple explanation to any interested in them.
I am rather infamous for my cutting sarcasm and (according to popular opinion) inappropriate comments. Bear in mind that 98% of the time, they are meant in jest and simply intended for my amusement and the amusement of others viewing them.... Unlike "certain others" on this site who shall remain unnamed? There is almost never any genuine malice in my posts.
I am also aware that, due to my often nasty comments? I am also disliked by many and considered to be a menacing, harassing and/or threatening individual. Therefore, I shall address this topic in order to make my demeanor and intent perfectly clear to all....
I want it to be known that I would only harm a person if myself or an innocent third party was being threatened. That being said, I will not allow anyone to violate my person, those I care about or my property unopposed.
If that places the aggressor in a position where they would attack me in any form or fashion? Then, so be it.... Self defense is a basic human right. It is the aggressor who set the ball rolling and not the defender.
In other words, while I will not brag, nor go into any detail regarding my knowledge, abilities or past activities? It is enough to say that when compared to the average person, I have the capability to direct vastly superior and overwhelming force against a target of my choosing with great effect.
However, I will NOT use said force except in the defense of myself or those under my care and protection. While I have the capability to utilize my skills, training and equipment to cause severe damage? I also maintain the necessary restraint to control my response to only include that which I deem to be "necessary force".
To put it more simply.... If you don't start any trouble? Then there will be no trouble.
Certainly, destroying an opponent quickly is a sound tactic. But if you want to hurt them and go on hurting them, even if you yourself are no longer there to do it? Then do this:
Take something precious to them, and give it back broken. Make them live each day with the knowledge that it can never be the same as it was, with the proof in their own hands. Let them spend their efforts to fix what is broken, only to constantly fail, even if they come very close. Let them, in their deepening frustration, finish the destruction of what they once saw as ideal, and forever change themselves in the process....
People know the most efficient ways to hurt themselves, make them do the work for you.
Many do evil to prove themselves free from the boundaries of society's morals. This is foolish. Ruthlessness and cruelty have their uses, of course. But the most dangerous warrior of all should be perceived by his most honorable opponents as decent and kind.... This is far from being decent and kind, of course! However, the most unnerving thing that one can do to one's enemies who fight you on moral grounds is to be noble.
A warrior never should show weakness to one's enemies. One can do this by covering his weaknesses with inhumanity. A person that becomes more than a flesh and blood being and transcends to a mythological horror is not something that an opponent will face rationally. Enemies will overplot themselves and reveal their presence or make mistakes in combat. Make your enemies show you how vulnerable they are.
The concept of peace is a lie. Any warrior knows this.... "Order" on the other hand is something that can be enforced. Order is obedience to the law. Civilization thrives when there is order. Human advancement and evolution rise forward through its existence. Order can only be enforced through deference to a superior authority. This can only be maintained through fear.
A warrior should not be afraid to use whatever weapons he possesses. Deception, intimidation and sheer brute force are all methods that provide easier and faster objects to achieving most goals than use of diplomacy or negotiation. Efficiency should be a warrior's first priority, not "manners".
A warrior must remember to avoid the trap that many great warriors fall into. Do not fool yourself with images of the honor and nobility of combat. One should appear incredibly strong and fearless to one's foes, but the only thing in the end that matters is victory.... Simply "victory".
There is no "Good" or "Evil", there is only "Strength" and "Weakness", the predator and the prey.... Choose which you are.
To understand one's emotion, to comprehend the source and the reason, the WHY of one's emotions is to control it.
Unlike most people who prefer to keep things at a careful medium? The successful warrior know that when you control something you can also unleash it upon your foes. It is from that control that our strength stems. Rather than becoming a savage, raging berserker, one learns to control our anger and hatred. We unleash it when our intuition tells us the time is right, and we put the leash back on when it is no longer necessary....
That is what sets a true warrior apart from the fools who rage at every minor inconvenience. The ability to harness and use one's own emotions properly to achieve results.
Power should be wielded like a storm. Others have said this time and again, but as is often the case? They miss the truth of such words.... A fool seeks to match the storm's fury, its destructive ferocity. This is most certainly the goal, but they do so in the manner of a cloudburst. Fools dwell over others and throw all manner of destruction very quickly in a reflection of the directionless anger inside them. They can never build themselves to be more. And like such storms, they quickly dissipate.
A warrior should emulate the STRUCTURE of the most powerful storms. From this, power will flow as a natural consequence. Make yourself the core, and keep your fury at arm's length. Give it direction, focus it, refine it, and make it into a devastating force that you cast about you.... Hurricanes do not wait in one place and fall upon those who are too stupid to move.
As with these great storms, one must move and cut a path upon the very face of the land. Make those you oppose remember your fury even when the sun shines bright.
Emotion is what fuels a warrior, it is the driving force of life. Fools deny their emotions, and that is why so many of them have died at my hand.... So many beings bury a part of themselves in the back of their minds. This part is their secret desires and thoughts that they try to deny. Some psychologists call this part of the mind "The Shadow."
The Shadow is the true self. It is the part of the darkness that touches us all, even beings who actively deny themselves. But even those who deny their own evil may still turn to it.... And that is why the darkness is greater, for the darkness welcomes all.
There is only one truth: What you will to be.
There is only one law: What you will to do.
There is only one power: What you will to become.
...All else is self-delusion and folly.
Can you fill this out without lying?
Of course. If I don't want to answer, I don't lie. I just refuse to answer.
Whats the last thing you put in your mouth?
Where was your default picture taken?
The one right now? Self-portrait in the restroom morphing into Superman
Last time you cried?
[ I refuse to answer this question. ]
Can you play a musical instrument?
Yes, guitar. The real question is "Can I play it WELL?" ...No, I can't.
Last time you walked further than a block?
I jog 2 miles as part of my workout regimen.
Name someone that made you laugh today?
I have not laughed today.... How odd.
How late did you stay up last night and why?
3:30 AM, chronic insomniac.
If you could move somewhere else, would you?
In a heartbeat. There is one place in particular I would go right now, given the funding to do it.
Ever been kissed under fireworks?
No. I get jumpy around fireworks. (PTSD is a bitch sometimes!)
Do you believe exes can be friends?
It is possible, but unlikely most of the time.
Do you like calling or texting better?
I text a lot, unless I have a need to converse with others.
How do you feel about Diet Dr Pepper?
The same way I do about any "diet" soda.... Repulsed.
What time is it?
2151 hrs, CDT
Where are you at right now?
In front of my computer, genius!
What bed did you sleep in last night?
My own, unfortunately.
What was the last thing someone bought for you?
My parents bought me dinner tonight? Pretty cool of them.
Who took your profile picture?
Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Was yesterday better than today?
Same shit, different day.
Can you live a day without TV?
I do not care for what passes for "entertainment". So yes, easily.
Are you mad about anything?
Constantly. My rage is what gives me strength.
Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Yes, always.... But only one is truly worth it.
When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?
January 22nd. One of the worst days of my life.
Are you a bad influence?
Yes! Take note: I am NOT a fucking role model. Emulate or follow me at your own risk!
Night out or night in?
Night in, with the right person.
Are you more of an individual or an outgoing person?
Individual. I live by my rules and no one else's.
What items could you not go without during the day?
Knife and/or gun. Cell phone. Cigarettes. Coffee.
Would you share a drink with a stranger?
No. Sorry, but my OCD about germs would insist they kept it.
Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?
Yes. Mine was, and I am considering doing it again.
Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire?
Sorry, but I don't live in the ghetto.
What does the last text message in your inbox say?
Not sure and I am not in the mood to look.
How do you feel about your life right now?
It sucks, but I am taking steps to improve it.
Do you hate anyone?
Yes. More people than it is probably healthy to hate, honestly.
If we were to look in your inbox, what would we find?
My fist in your eye for snooping through my things!
Will you have a valentine this year?
Last person you talked to on the phone?
Mind your own fucking business.
How's your heart?
Red, muscular, beating.
Say you were given a drug test right now, Would you pass?
More than likely.
Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Yes. Though I questioned their sanity!
What song is stuck in your head?
"Diamond Eyes" by Shinedown
Wanna have kids before you’re 30?:
Too late on both counts. (Who writes this shit?!)
Name something you have to do tomorrow?:
The list goes on and on!
Can you whistle?
Do you sleep on your side, stomach, or back?
My back. I used to sleep on my side if I had someone to curl up to.
What gets in your way of your sleeping?
Are your eyes the same color as your mom or dad?
Mom's. But I have been told that my eyes "change" according to my mood.
Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
"Pretty?" ....No. But there is someone who likes them a lot.
Do you think too much or too little?
FAR too much. I analyze everything.
Do you smile a lot?:
Until recently, never. Now? On rare occasion.
Who was your last missed call on your cell phone?
My ex-wife. (Yes, I used the "Hater Button".)
Are you happy with your life?
It beats being dead! ...Not yet, but I will be soon.
Can you handle the truth?
Yes. Even if the truth hurts, tell me. I despise being lied to.
Do you get 8 hours of sleep everyday?
Hahahahahahaha...... Not even close!
What was the last book you read?
"The Satanic Bible" by Anton LaVey.
Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?:
I am not certain who that was, at this point.
What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?
Mind your own fucking business.
Did you have an exciting last weekend?
Depends if you consider chasing children exciting or frustrating!
Have you ever crawled through a window?:
Do you like yourself?
I'd say I am "at peace" with myself.
Are you wearing a necklace?:
I wear my dog tags.
What color is your shirt?
Are you an emotional person?:
Are rage and contempt emotions? ...Actually, I am. But VERY few ever see it.
What something that can always make you feel better?
Watching MMA fights.
Will this weekend be a good one?
With any luck.
What do you want right now?
The ability to turn my life into what I envision in my mind.
Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
Fuck you! It was ONE time and I lost a bet, okay?! *growl*
Look behind you, what do you see?
The back of my chair, you dumbass!
Have you ever worked in a food place?
Yes, and I will never do it again!
What would you name your future daughter?
I won't have any more biological children.
Any summer plans for 2012?
Quite a few. But those are MY secrets to keep.
The last thing you heard?
Nothing. It is silent except the typing of my hands.
I don’t believe in evolution.
I can hear what you are thinking: "Is he an idiot or something? He still doesn’t believe in evolution?!"
But here’s the thing: evolution is a scientific theory, same as the theory of gravity, germ theory, cell theory, quantum theory, theory of relativity and many others.
Unlike religion, science doesn’t work with "beliefs". You take the facts supporting the theory and compare those with facts that do not support the theory. Then you decide if the theory is correct or perhaps you should improve the theory, choose an alternate theory or scrap the whole thing altogether.
And the theory of evolution has literally hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of scientifically validated observations and experiments supporting it. You have scientific articles, monographs, experiments (yes, there are MANY experiments on evolution), observations and so forth.
And now we take the facts not supporting or invalidating the theory of evolution…. Oh, wait. There aren’t any.
There is not a single observation or experiment that invalidates evolution. No fossil rabbits in Pre-Cambrian strata. No human footprints next to dinosaur footprints. No genetic data showing the synchronized bottleneck of Noah’s ark in all of the animal species. No radioactive dating results or anything else disproving the Cambrian explosion.
There simply is nothing.... Or, like Richard Dawkins put it, “Today the theory of evolution is about as much open to doubt as the theory that the earth goes round the sun”.
So, I don’t believe in evolution. But I also don’t believe in the chair I’m sitting on right now. I can prove the latter exists by an series of empirical observations (looking and touching it) and testing (I sit down. If didn’t fall on the floor, the chair probably exists).
Evolution has been proven. And it does not require "belief".
Occasionally, I like to go to the movies. Friends or family will see a trailer for something and I decide to go see a movie as well. Movies are great, but the people who attend movies frequently are not. On this particular occasion, I decided to strike back in the name of "Justice" for all people who have ever been annoyed, slighted and/or screwed out of the cost of a ticket because of one of "those people".
My sister-in-law sat down next to me at the theater and the movie was about to begin. "What's that smell?" she asked, "It smells like pee."
Unflinching, her husband (my brother) responded: "It's clam chowder."
Sure enough, sitting one row back and three seats to our left was a woman holding a large to-go order of clam chowder which she'd snuck into the theater. Surprisingly, clam chowder smells very similar to urine when you don't know where the source is. It's like the asparagus of soups.
The woman herself looked like a water buffalo in a sweatshirt. She had broad shoulders and a stern, oppressive brow. Her twinkling eyes were fixed straight ahead in the dim theater light, but her powerful bovine jaw moved rapidly to break down the large spoonfuls of chowder which she rhythmically pounded into her mouth. This massive animal did not simply eat clam chowder, she grazed on it.
As if this were not bad enough? Twenty minutes into the film, I heard her. She was talking...to the screen! This disgusting ham-beast was narrating her thoughts and feelings, as well as answering rhetorical questions asked by the characters. "What will we do? There's no time!" asked the main character. "I dun' know! You be so screwed!" she belched in anguish, as if the actors in the movie could actually hear her clam-scented reply.... Dear god, had this foul beast no sense of restraint or dignity within her massive frame?
Fifteen minutes from the end of the movie, the huge climax and finale, and the water buffalo was STILL talking. I'd endured her for nearly two hours, and what was a mild irritation had transformed into a boiling, volcanic rage. I don't know how my popcorn tasted, and I can't remember who was sitting near me. As far as what was happening on the screen, it's a complete blank. My surroundings had become completely blind to me.
All I remember is pure, unfiltered hatred.... I was Ghenghis Khan. I was genocide. Stars collapsed under the weight of my fury, and when I opened my eyes all I saw was the heads of ten thousand water buffalo on bloody pikes peppering the horizon from Los Angeles to New York City.... I had become Death, the destroyer of worlds.
So, without further concern for myself or the poor witnesses who shall recall this night for the rest of their days? I turned around and unleashed my seething rage.... "SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!! YOU HAVE TALKED THROUGH THE ENTIRE FUCKING MOVIE! JUST SHUT YOUR FUCKING PIE-HOLE!!!"
...To which this disgusting and odious beast replied, "NUH-UH! YOU SHUT UP!"
My memory beyond this point is a bit hazy. I remember throwing my half-consumed 64-ounce cup of Mountain Dew at her. I remember screaming the most vile, obscene and graphically violent obscenities at her that I could muster! I remember a couple sitting behind me telling me that I was now more disruptive than the water buffalo had ever been and replying to them, "YOU SHUT YOUR FUCKING WHORE MOUTH!". The rest is a bit of a blur, to be honest.....
I remember walking down the aisle after the movie had ended and hearing another moviegoer say "Where's the guy that went psycho?" I also remember the water buffalo quietly shuffling out of the theater afterwards. I think clam chowder and anonymity in the darkness were the sources of her strength. Without them, she was a meek, fearful creature simply trying to escape.
Did I "go psycho?" I think that's a rather uncreative way of putting it, to be perfectly honest.... I like to think of myself as a warrior. Sure, I embarrassed myself and made the situation a lot worse for everyone than it had to be. But through my rage-induced outburst, the buffalo was slain.
So... "Fuck you, ham-beast!", I'm a warrior of righteousness and justice and you are an filthy buffalo whichs eats seafood from a giant bucket.
Murphys Law of Combat Operations:
1. Friendly fire - isn't.
2. Recoilless rifles - aren't.
3. Suppressive fires - won't.
4. You are not Superman. (Marines and fighter pilots, please take note.)
5. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
6. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
7. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
8. If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.
9. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
10. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
11. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
12. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
13. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
14. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
15. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
a. When they're ready.
b. When you're not.
16. No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.
17. There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
18. Five second fuses always burn three seconds.
19. When the area seems clear? It's an ambush .
20. A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
21. The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
22. The easy way is always mined.
23. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
24. Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. (For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.)
25. Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
26. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
27. When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
28. Incoming fire has the right of way.
29. No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.
30. No inspection-ready unit has ever passed combat.
31. If the enemy is within range, so are you.
32. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
33. Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.
34. Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.
35. Radios that are water-, dust- and impact-proof? They aren't.
36. Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather (Especially during both).
37. Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
38. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.
39. Tracer rounds work both ways.
40. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.
41. When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.
42. Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
43. Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
44. Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.
45. Weather ain't neutral.
46. If you can't remember, it means the Claymore is pointed towards you.
47. Air Defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.
48. "Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go".
49. The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
50. Napalm is an area support weapon.
51. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
52. B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.
53. Sniper's motto: Reach out and touch someone.
54. Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
55. The one item you need is always in short supply.
56. Interchangeable parts - aren't.
57. It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.
58. When in doubt, empty your magazine.
59. The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
60. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
61. If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
62. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
63. The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
64. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
65. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ.
66. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
67. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
68. A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.
69. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
70. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
71. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
72. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
73. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
74. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
75. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
76. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
77. Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
78. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
79. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
80. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.
81. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
82. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
83. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.
84. When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
85. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor.
86. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
87. Murphy was a grunt.
88. Beer Math: 2 beers x 37 men = 49 cases.
89. Body Count Math: 3 guerrillas + 1 probable + 2 pigs = 37 enemies killed in action.
90. The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
91. All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.
92. The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the cleanliness of its outfit and appearance.
93. The crucial round is a dud.
94. Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.
95. There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
96. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
97. If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.
98. If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it.
99. If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him.
100. Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
101. Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.
102. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
103. The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).
104. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
105. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.
106. The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.
107. Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.
108. As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
109. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
110. The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
111. Walking point = sniper bait.
112. Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.
113. If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
114. When you need an rapid evac from a hot LZ, the closest copter is 45 minutes away.
115. What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank.
116. Odd objects attract fire. You are odd.
117. Your mortar barrage will put exactly one round on the intended target. That round will be a dud.
118. Your R&R time will be cut short do to "operational needs".
119. The weight of your equipment is proportional to the time you have been carrying it.
120. Things that must be together to work can never be shipped together.
121. If you need an officer in a hurry? Take a nap.
122. The effective killing radius is greater than the average soldier can throw it.
123. The enemy's reinforcements are always closer than yours.
124. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
125. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
126. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small. (or "on order")
127. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
128. When a front line soldier overhears two General Staff officers conferring, he has fallen back too far.
129. If at first you don't succeed, then bomb disposal probably isn't for you.
130. Anyone can be a minesweeper . . . . once.
131. Whenever you lose contact with the enemy, look behind you.
132. If you find yourself in front of your platoon? They know something you don't.
133. The seriousness of a wound (in a firefight) is also inversely proportional from a medic.
134. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
135. When the pin is pulled, "Mr. Grenade" is no longer your friend.
136. When the enemy is closing, the artillery will always be too long.
137. Smart bombs have bad days too.
138. Unpacking and assembly instructions are always inside the crate.
139. If you have a personality conflict with your superior: he has the personality, you have the conflict.
140. If you enter the CO's Presence with an idea, you will leave his Presence with the CO's idea.
141. All or any of the Murphys Laws above combined.