well here I'm gonna try to write just anything... anything I'm feeling ... and things that have been on my mind for a while now. also things that have been bothering me & whatever else.
I am far from being the person that I would like to be.
I'm scared of the future... becuz i don't know what to do.
I'm out of high school & I don't know what to do if I wanted to go to college.
I have my art but what can I do with that?
I'm scared.
Where am I going from here?
This all just makes me wanna breakdown and cry.
and Im falling more in love each day with someone that no one would approve of.
I hate hiding my love for him ... I would tell the world if I could. I never felt anything like this before.
I'm saying all of this with tears streaming down my face.
I never know what people want from me.
I'm not the healthiest person you'll ever meet.. in the past month I have been to the hospital 3 times ... doctor 2 times. and starting again this month.
I'm sooo scared.
I wish someone could come by and just take me in their arms and tell me that everything is gonna be okay.
I'm lost anymore.
I have no idea where to end things... no idea when to start.
all these things stir in my head day in and day out.
I can't fall asleep till about after 2am... anymore.
I'm always tearing myself down & telling myself that I can't be good enough for that.
Don't ask me why becuz I don't know.
I'm always feeling like no one could have a clue of how I feel.
Right now I'm standing at the beginning of my life and I'm scared as hell.
Stress has overcome my life ... I know people will say yeah right now you will not know what to do.
Its the beginning of the rest of my life & I'm afraid of it.
I don't know what to do anymore. I live day by day...
People ask me what am I gonna do with the rest of my life? I don't know... I wish I knew...
Been a tough last month... Had a friend have a miscarriage also one of my favorite teachers from my highschool commit suicide. So
I guess its making me think about LIFE in general
I have only a few people left that I truly care about
that make me even think that this life is worth living
worth waking up the next day...
I wanted to go back one of these days to visit my teachers.. but sooo many have retired and the one doesn't even exist anymore...
I wanted to go back and see if they could tell me n e thing else
they wanted me to learn.
I know it seems like I keep going on and on... but I don't know what to do anymore... I'm in a stand point in my life...
trying to see the real me and what this world expects of me.
I came to see how delicate my life can be... having near death experience and losing sum 1 I cared about.
so there it is... I don't know what else to say...
I just wish I had someone to hold me right now... and whisper something in my ear ... that will make me want to go on with today.
some music for this feeling I'm having
Linkin Park-Crawling
