After countless painful situations and scars of the past, Trust is not a gift, but a reward that is earned...Letting go is the hardest thing to do, but when regret is not an option for the sake of your own sanity, and death is a cowards way out, letting go seems the most appropriate of choices. But what do you let go of?
Do you take a chance on illusions of what you thought the future might be? Let go of your past completely, chain the demons that haunt you...for they're never really gone..just waiting below the surface...testing your self control...your willingness to change...Do you let go of the fear that has bound you...fear of repeating history...fear of unfullfilled desires...fear that if you take a chance and let go...you'll be picking up pieces of the puzzle yet again..trying to find whats missing that you thought you had found...
Or is it easier to let go of that fairy tale? Existing as opposed to living? Safer yes...no more pain...but isolation. Solitude? Depends on your perception I suppose...but is it peaceful? Or will you be left wondering "what if?"
I'll never walk alone...Fear seems to be my constant companion. But is that enough? Should I settle for being the Mistress of my own Demons or am I able to release them....better yet BANISH them...so I may find the peace and joy and LIFE that I wish for? ...It is within my grasp...I've breathed it...tasted it...held it close to my heart...
Have I lost it?
If I've let him into my heart only to capture my soul and scatter the pieces...Im afraid I will never forgive myself..I'm not sure I can heal myself again..or find the strength to pick up those pieces again..
I can only hope that Fear has not beaten me at my own game...Only He can tell me....
