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jokes

>> >> Fourth Place : >> >> A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he >> does, his elbow goes into her breast. >> >> They are both quite startled.The man turns to her >> and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, >> I know you'll forgive me.' >> She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your >> elbow, I'm in room 221.' >> >> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >> >> Third Place : >> >> One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the >> husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. >> >> The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've >> got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.' >> >> The husband, rejected, turns over. >> >> A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps >> his wife again. >> >> 'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?' >> >> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ >> >> Runner Up: >> >> Bill worked in a pickle factory. >> >> He had been employed there for a number of years >> when he came home one day >> >> to confess to his wife that he had a terrible >> compulsion. >> >> He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle >> slicer. >> >> His wife suggested that he should see a sex >> therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. >> He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. >> >> >> One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his >> wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. >> >> 'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked. >> >> 'Do you remember that I told you how I had this >> tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?' >> >> 'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed. >> >> 'Yes, I did.' he replied. >> >> 'My God, Bill, what happened?' >> >> 'I got fired.' >> >> 'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle >> slicer?' >> >> 'Oh....she got fired too.' >> >> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >> >> Winner: >> >> A couple had been married for 50 years. >> >> They were sitting at the breakfast table one >> morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting >> here at this breakfast table together.' >> >> 'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably >> sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.' >> >> 'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old >> times.' >> >> Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat >> down at the table. 'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly >> replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years >> ago.' 'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's >> in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal =============================================== Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your >> turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a >> smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We >> all need to smile every once in a while.
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