The Mendozie Experience RL Master BF to ...'s blog: "poem"

As the cold steel passes through my skin, Feeling my warm blood flow from my veins, The pain is excruciating. I feel my body get weak, My knees begin to buckle, I fall to the ground, Driving the knife deeper into my body. My hands being to weak, The knife falls to the floor. I watch every drop of blood drain from my body, Things begin to fade. Not being able to hold my eyes open, They shut Everything is BLACK

Hates a Brewin… Here I sit listening to the rain outside my window, night has fallen all around me and I wonder where you are. Where is the hapiness I once knew in my soul? I am tormented. I am alone. I ponder the strength of our relationship and I wonder how long I can go on being your whore - your disgrace - your dissapointment. Oh I am aware how disappointing I am to you. I see it in your eyes, I feel it in your embrace. I’ve exposed my soul to you and all you’ve done is cover it in disgusting filth. Stained to the very core of my being. Will you ever see these rantings that are cast into cyberspace? Will you ever know the depth of my pain for you? I stumble through the long days wondering where all the meaning is - how far must I fall before I can stand before you the woman I wish to be. Will you accept her? She’s strong and unafraid to tell you no. Perhaps she will never stand before you - for the moment you glimpse her within my eyes you will run. You need me to be weak before you - you need my submissiveness, otherwise our relationship would fail. Hello! It’s failing now! Everytime you push your dirty fantasy upon me I hate you a little more. You are just to blind, egotistical and horney to see. I shall never worry about you finding these senceless rambelings because you do not care enough to explore into my activities. Do you know how often I write about the pain you’ve caused? Do you care? You’ve lied to me. Do not try to deny it. I am not enough for you. I’ve given you my soul, my morals, my hope and life, yet it is not enough. I’ve called you many times tonight, but you’ve turned off your cell - I wonder if you’re with her - the one in the pictures. Was she good? Did she do all the nasty disgusting things you like? Was she your whore? Did you spread your seed all over her slutty face? You disgust me. Sex is wonderful, but it is not everything. Go on and keep you faith in your dick, God knows you don’t turn to him. Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I have forsaken the light for the dark, I have wallowed amongst the ashes of dispare - and although I wish to be free, I know I shall never be. Pain and shame has wound itself to tightly around my heart. I have confessed my darkest secret to the man I thought loved me, and he does not even remember the pain in my voice as I told him, for he has taken that secret and used it against me. Perhaps he is unaware - or perhaps he chooses not to remember something so tragic in my soul - perhaps, even, he does know and just enjoys throwing it into my face with his sick fantasies. Please know if you shall ever see this that my heart hurts. you hurt me almost every day. You have stolen my esteem, my pride and my honor. Is there anything else you’d like? (its just a poem i found interesting)

Dreaming Lies Stop staring at me, expecting me to explain myself to you. Sitting there looking innocent with you hotty totty fantasies and immoral beliefs. How dare you ridicule me for the choices I make in my life, for when I do what you see as right, I find the whole in my heart widdens a little more. I do not believe as you do. I do not live as you do, yet I am drawn to you .. Like a moth to a bug zapper. A beautiful deadly light beckoning me to come forth … feel the pleasure … expect the pain. Do you see me screaming inside? Do you feel the coldness of my heart when I lay next to you at night and think of how much I loathe you? You have pushed me to this point. You hide behind you mask of pride and greed. You want it all. You take the innocence and replace it with a whore to do your bidding - hiding behind her own mask of make up and cigarette smoke. Choking on you dreams, drowing in your lies and manipulations. I bow my head to your dominance, for I have fallen long ago. I weep with the torment that lives within my soul. Every waking hour I tell myself all is ok, all is right … I dream of love and happiness. Dreaming lies… Where is the happiness to be found in your accusing stare? Where is the love in your unrelenting heart? Where is the hope for a bright future? You are bright, you are my bug zapper. ZZZAAAAPPP Dead. Oh beautiful light, dreamer of lies, stealer of souls … Shine your brilliance upon me no more, cast me into the dakness, least there I find peace.

Hallow & Unholy, unclean & condemned Upon the cold earth I’ve poured my soul. Into the darkness I’ve voyaged. How is it you can love something that causes so much pain? How can I continue in my exsistance with your unforgiving stares and corrupted beliefs? Have I drowned the essence of my being in your self rightous fantasies? Is there hope? How can I gain back the dignity you’ve stolen from me? Turmoil thrust it’s heavy blade into my heart, slicing away at the esteem I once posessed. I am but a shell, empty and forgotten. Hallow and unholy, unclean and condemened. Is this how you enjoy me? Robotic affection, monotone I love you’s - Color’s drained out of a once brilliant and shining world. Dare I dream that ours is a future of happiness? That the love I once felt would resurface in the face of your egotistical and selfish demands? How dare I hold to the dreams of a future, bright and happy; when all around me darkness suffocates the strength, represses ambition, and destroy’s hope? Am I not the whore you wish me to be? Is my mirror image not full enough of bitterness and self loathing to satisfy you? Do my eyes not show the storm that swirls inside, the violent ocean that rages and rapes? Yes, Rape. I have been raped of my pride … my hands are tied and I am forced to endure the essence of your being - overtaking my own - and I have succumb - I have bowed down. You have won. I shall retreat - I shall be submissive in your wake, worshiping the ground you walk upon only to be walked upon myself. In this, I hope you find the love you seek - for I have found the love none can withstand. I give you myself, all of me - Do as you wish for as I’ve said - Hallow and unholy - unclean and condemned. “Romantic love, in pornography as in life, is the mythic celebration of female negation. For a woman, love is defined as her willingness to submit to her own annihilation. The proof of love is that she is willing to be destroyed by the one whom she loves, for his sake. For the woman, love is always self-sacrifice, the sacrifice of identity, will, and bodily integrity, in order to fulfill and redeem the masculinity of her lover.” –Andrea Dworkin

None of that Sissy Crap Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship. 1. When you are sad --I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. 3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in. 4. When you're scared -- we will high tail it out of here. 5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!!!! 6. When you are confused -- I will use little words. 7. When you are sick --Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have. 8. When you fall -- I'll pick you up and dust you off-- After I laugh my butt off!! 9. This is my oath...I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask -- because you are my FRIEND

Saying goodbye is never easy It's the hardest thing to do But what hurts even more Is not the chance to say it to you. Wish you wasnt gone my friend.All the sarcastic jokes are not the same with out you...of the few i name friend...you was the greatest i ever had or known...feel your loss every day...i miss you my friend...my brother....i wish i could hav said goodbye..even that i love you like a brother

Streets Of Dark Dream Steep as the stairs to a dungeon, Deep as the trough of a wave, Stony as ledges of rubble, Dark as a fissureless cave, Slippery-sloped as a glacier, Tangled as paths of a maze, Crowded as slums of a city, Lonely as wilderness ways, . . . . . Strange are the streets that the dreamer Follows unwillingly back Into the jungles of chaos, Into the primeval black . . . __May Willams Ward

by Brood of Evil In darkness my soul resides, Homing for the path of light, Admiring from afar, A shine that might not truly possess. Wondering adrift, Through the blood tainted roads of existence, With only my pressence to tend the wounds, Wounds triggered by my lonesome self. On my knees I've seen crimson, spill from my life giver's arm, In cries of agony and pain, Begging for her temple to keep. Drops of life pounding, Over the vile soil. I have seen demons in my image, I have heard them using my voice, Until I no longer yearn living, Until my soul have given up. All these roads I've walked through, So short, yet seem so long, Breathtaking and with spines, scratching my existence. Most of these I have forgotten, So I never slither again, Into the thorn-filled aisles of my torrid past. Still, these memories so hunt me, Feeding on my spirit, Corroding my thoughs. Thus the lust for crimson has arisen, To purge all sanity left in me, To make me less of what I am, And more of what I hate. Yet, I glimpse the light I'm hunting, Distanced from the stranger I've become. I stand alone, and wait in vigil In vigil as it advances, With my soul in hand she prances. To deliver it to me, To turn me into what I used to be, To satisfy my hunger. And yet making it grow stronger. © 2003 Brood of Evil

Teardrops Of Ice by Sam Backman I stare at my face in the mirror Yet I cannot see the lies Or the pain within my heart Blinded by memories of the past, I gaze into the void of nothingness Hidden within these deep blue eyes of mine Staring back at me from its reflection My hatred is gone All that's left is emptiness and sorrow Now flowing through my veins, poisoning my mind Teardrops of ice are blurring my reflection Drowning it in silent grief Lost behind the lies, never to return Can't you hear my cries? My soul was left to burn I'm falling through the mirror To a world beyond I open up my window Welcoming the cold, moonlit night I reach for the pale reflection of the sun It's taking me forth on a journey A journey to the world of twilight Nightfall, take my hand Guide me away to the stars I fall into oblivion Frozen tears are in my eyes As I now close them to dream away Slowly drifting forth into the shadows

To The Blood by Meridian The playground of Tragedy and Comedy echoes through the mind of the Preternatural ones, bound for time to certain roles and certain lies. But Devil or Angel which? And the Mask goes deeper. The Storm comes with her starving glory. And neither Man nor Creature shall know the difference of the Dark and the Light. The Crimson in our frail perfection, takes us all But who will wear the Mask?