THEIF LIAR CHEAT UNWATED BY EVERYONE's blog: "Inner Peace"

01*I _____Karla 02*Karla is _____. 03*If I were alone in a room with Karla I would _____. 04*I think Karla should _____. 05*Karla needs _____. 06*I want to _____ Karla. 07*Someday Karla will _____. 08*Karla _____ 09*Without Karla___. 10*My memories of Karla are ____. 11*Karla can be _____. 12*The worst thing about Karla is _____. 13*The best thing about Karla is _____. 14*I am _____ with Karla. 15*One thing about Karla is _____. 16*Karla should go and _____. 17*Karla_____ me. 18*_________Karla. 19*Who would_____Karla was.

HANDBAGS Have you ever noticed gals who sit their handbags on public toilet floors - then go directly to their dining tables and set it on the table? Happens a lot! It's not always the 'restaurant food' that causes stomach distress. Sometimes "what you don't know 'will' hurt you"! Read on... Mum got so upset when guests came in the door and plopped their handbags down on the counter where she was cooking or setting up food.She always said that handbags are really dirty, because of where they have been. Smart Mum!!! It's something just about every woman carries with them. While we may know what's inside our handbags, do you have any idea what's on the outside? ShaunaLakeput handbags to the test - for bacteria - with surprising results. You may think twice about where you put your handbag. Women carry handbags everywhere; from the office to public toilets to the floor of the car. Most women won't be caught without their handbags, but did you ever stop to think about where your handbag goes during the day? "I drive a school bus, so my handbag has been on the floor of the bus a lot," says one woman. "On the floor of my car, and in toilets." We decided to find out if handbags harbour a lot of bacteria. We learned how to test them at Nelson Laboratories in SaltLake, and then we set out to test the average woman's handbag. Most of the ladies we talked to told us they wouldn't be surprised if their handbags were at least a little bit dirty.It turns out handbags are so surprisingly dirty, even the microbiologist who tested them was shocked. Microbiologist Amy Karen of Nelson Labs says nearly all of the handbags tested were not only high in bacteria, but high in harmful kinds of bacteria.Pseudomonas can cause eye infections, staphylococcus aurous can cause serious skin infections, and salmonella and e-coli found onthe handbags could make people very sick. In one sampling, four of five handbags tested positive for salmonella, and that's not the worst of it. "There is fecal contamination on the handbags," says Amy. Leather or vinyl handbags tended to be cleaner than cloth handbags, and lifestyle seemed to play a role. People with kids tended to have dirtier handbags than those without, with one exception. The handbag of one single woman who frequented nightclubs had one of the worst contaminations of all. "Some type of feces, or possibly vomit" says Amy. So the moral of this story - your handbag won't kill you, but it does have the potential to make you very sick if you keep it on places where you eat. Use hooks to hang your handbag at home and in toilets, and don't put it on your desk, a restaurant table, or on your kitchen countertop. Experts say you should think of your handbag the same way you would a pair of shoes. "If you think about putting a pair of shoes ontoyour countertops, that's the same thing you're doing when you put your handbag on the countertops" - your handbag has gone where individuals before you have sneezed, coughed, spat, urinated, emptied bowels, etc! Wash cloth handbags and use leather cleaner to clean the bottom of leather handbags. THIS IS WORTH SHARING!!!

God understand blondes... A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the Lotto." Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it. She again prays... "God, please let me win the Lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays. "My God, why have You forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car, children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I have always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the Lotto just this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God Himself... GOD says to her, "Sweetheart, work with me on this one. Buy a ticket."

HOW TO STAY MARRIED! A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll." The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. "But what about all of this money? Where did it come from?" Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls." For all men with a good sence of humor .. Women will love this.. A Prayer....... Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him;And Patience for his moods; Because Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. And I don't know how to crochet. Amen!

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Subject: What it means to be Australian Being Australian is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for A Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. Oh and...... Only in Australia ... can a pizza get to your house Faster than an ambulance. Only in Australia ... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the Way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy People can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in Australia ... do people order double cheeseburgers, large Fries and a DIET coke. Only in Australia ... do banks leave both doors open and chain the Pens to the counters. Only in Australian ... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage. Only in Australia ... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. Only in Australia ... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink. NOT TO MENTION... * 3 Aussies die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue. * 142 Aussies were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts. * 58 Aussies are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. * 31 Aussies have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in. * 8 Aussies had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth. * A massive 543 Aussies were admitted to Emergency in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth. And finally......... * In 2000 eight Aussies cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet. IF YOU'RE PROUD TO BE AUSTRALIAN SEND THIS ON!

Read This Slowly > > > > Jack took a long look at his speedometer before slowing down: 73 in a 55 zone. Fourth time in as many months. How could a guy get caught so often? > > > > > > > > When his car had slowed to 10 miles an hour, Jack pulled over, but only partially. Let the cop worry about the potential traffic hazard. Maybe some other car will tweak his backside with a mirror. The cop was stepping out of his car, the big pad in hand. > > > > > Bob? Bob from Church? Jack sunk farther into his trench coat. This was worse than the coming ticket. A cop catching a guy from his own church. A guy who happened to be a little eager to get home after a long day at the office. A guy he was about to play golf with tomorrow. > > > > > Jumping out of the car, he approached a man he saw every Sunday, a man he'd never seen in uniform. > > > > > "Hi, Bob. Fancy meeting you like this." > > > > > "Hello, Jack." No smile. > > > > > "Guess you caught me red-handed in a rush to see my wife and kids." > > > > > "Yeah, I guess." Bob seemed uncertain. Good. > > "I've seen some long days at the office lately. I'm afraid I bent the rules a bit -just this once." > > > > > Jack toed at a pebble on the pavement. "Diane said something about roast beef and potatoes tonight. Know what I mean?" "I know what you mean. I also know that you have a reputation in our precinct ." Ouch. This was not going in the right direction. Time to change tactics. > > > > > "What'd you clock me at?" > > > > > "Seventy. Would you sit back in your car please?" > > > > > "Now wait a minute here, Bob. I checked as soon as I saw you. I was barely nudging 65." The lie seemed to come easier with every ticket. > > > > > "Please, Jack, in the car" > > > > > Flustered, Jack hunched himself through the still-open door. Slamming it shut, he stared at the dashboard. He was in no rush to open the window. > > > > > The minutes ticked by. Bob scribbled away on the pad. > > > > > Why hadn't he asked for a driver's license? > > > > > Whatever the reason, it would be a month of Sundays before Jack ever sat near this cop again. A tap on the door jerked his head to the left. There was Bob, a folded paper in hand Jack rolled down the window a mere two inches, just enough room for Bob to pass him the slip. > > > > > "Thanks." Jack could not quite keep the sneer out of his voice. > > > > > Bob returned to his police car without a word. Jack watched his retreat in the mirror. Jack unfolded the sheet of paper. How much was this one going to cost? > > > > > Wait a minute. What was this? Some kind of joke? > > > > > Certainly not a ticket. Jack began to read: > > > > > "Dear Jack, Once upon a time I had a daughter. She was six when killed by a car. You guessed it- a speeding driver. A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free. Free to hug his daughters, all three of them. I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until Heaven before I can ever hug her again. > > > > > A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand times I thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it again. Even now. Pray for me. And be careful, Jack, my son is all I have left." > > "Bob" > > > > > Jack turned around in time to see Bob's car pull away and head down the road. Jack watched until it disappeared. A full 15 minutes later, he too, pulled away and drove slowly home, praying for forgiveness and hugging a surprised wife and kids when he arrived. > > > > > Life is precious. Handle with care. This is an important message; please pass it along to your friends. Drive safely and carefully. Remember, cars are not the only things recalled by their maker. > > > > > Funny how you can send a thousand jokes through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the sanctity of life, people think twice about sharing. > > > > > Funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them. > > > > > Pass this on, you may save a life. Maybe not, but we'll never know if we don't try. > > > > > > > > > > > May today there be peace within you. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. "I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and Spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said "You want hot fudge with that? And Man said "Yes!" And Woman said "I'll have one too with chocolate chips". And lo they Gained 10 pounds. And God created the healthy yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure That Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the Wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from Size 12 to size 14. So God said "Try my fresh green salad". And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the Side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast. God then said "I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in Which to cook them". And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped Lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own Platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof. Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming With potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre Into chips and deep fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities Of salt. And Man put on more pounds. God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose Those extra pounds. And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would Not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and Started wearing stretch jogging suits. Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and Still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonalds and the 99c double cheeseburger. Then Satan Said "You want fries with that?" and Man replied "Yes, And super size 'em". And Satan said "It is good." And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest. God sighed . And created quadruple by-pass surgery. And then . Satan chuckled and created 'Medicare' THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final Word on nutrition and health.: 1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. 2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. 3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks Than us. 4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart Attacks than us. 5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer Fewer heart attacks than us. CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently What kills you.