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Back To A Room Where It's Nine In The AfternoonCOMMODORE'S LOG STARDATE 1 APRIL 2008"It looks like the end of history as we know" - Panic! At The Disco I have been pondering this quote, well and the song in its entirety, along with one quote by John Lennon from "I Am The Walrus" which states "I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together" I've been in a somewhat down mood - some people piss me off way too much, they dont try to understand me. Girls still wont give me a chance, my friends sometimes walk all over me treating me as if my problems dont matter, and yet they expect me to solve their problems as if I'm some expendable advice machine... why cant they understand that we all have problems and that some of us would like to no longer be the advice givers, and instead would like to be the advise takers - I'm slowly thinking that they dont understand the facts of "I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together" - I'm just the fucking same, but I would like to be able to figure out my life and get some help and not always help everyone else (no offense to Rock and Skyler - their problems are so much more complex than mine, that I dont think they could help solve mine due to how simple mine really are...) But then I sit around and watch Fuse and watch the "9 In The Afternoon" music video by Panic! At The Disco and you see all these strange people - all with Ringo Starr mustaches finding some way to find acceptance... and I know that everyone will say "Gee Marty - you have acceptance, look at all of your friends" - yeah, I know I have friends, and I'm slowly realizing that half of them are fake, and I now see who the true ones are, but I'm realizing that I'm not accepted by any of the girls that I've ever met, and over my depressing high school years I alienated myself from my cousins and some of the rest of my extended family and I long so much to feel less alienated from them - I'm slowly making headway with that problem however (or so it seems)... but there is still that lack of acceptance from girls. I look at my "true" friends and half of them are either married or in relationships that have lasted for more than one year, and I'm the dumbass that chases the Kristine's and the Red's and the Christa's of life and I keep getting fucked over! I wish I could find a way to be happy and a weirdo at the same damn time, and not always irritated or mad (or depressed as it was in High School) all the damn time... I guess I want something that must be impossible to find... sure I've made headway in some of the things I lack such as realizing who my true friends are, and becoming less alienated from my cousins, but I still wish so much that I could find a girl that gives a damn about me even with as geeky as I am.... Oh well - I guess it's an overly complained about, dead subject... :::swan::: THE SWAN ARCHIVES: www.xanga.com/fallenbadger www.myspace.com/themadprussian www.fubar.com/themadprussian | |||
