Here's a list of what NOT to give her for Valentines Day:
~ A box of chocolates, clumsily rearranged in an attempt to hide the
fact you ate all the caramel ones.
~ Any food item with the words "diet", "light", or "high fiber" on the
label.
~ Flowers from a hospital's gift shop--or worse, a mortuary's.
~ Poetry, no matter how heartfelt, that starts out "There was once a
girl from Nantucket... "
~ Anything you ever gave another woman, including your mother.
~ Any clothing item with the words "push-up" or "slim-down" on the
label.
~ Any household appliance, power tool or other item from the harder
side of Sears.
~ A gift certificate.
~ Cash.
~ Lingerie that you think will look almost as good on her as on the
Victoria's Secret model.
~ Anything you could have bought at the gas station mini-mart on the
way over, even if you didn't.
~ An apologetic look and the words "That was today?"
