For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack
Schitt!'
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an
intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer
magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They
had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.
The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva
Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip
Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb
Schitt, a
high
school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt
divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids
were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.
She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt
married
Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous
disposition
named Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were
inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens
brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the
Schitt-Happens
nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.
He
recently
returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct
them.
Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt
