I'm sure by now that all of you fellow bloggers out there have taken root, ordered pizzas, cracked open some cold ones and have called over your friends and you're just sitting on the edge of your seats waiting for my next entry in this twisted little soap opera journal of events...lol! Well, let me start out by giving you the romantic 'history' of me and mr. DJ. We met a year ago and really hit it off. We started seeing each other exclusively and I visited him every weekend since I lived in another city. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve since I have been hurt so many times in the past, so I believe in taking things slow and gradually and really getting to know someone at first. However, in the first month he said he could fall in love with me and immediately I kind of froze up. I almost ran then, but I stuck around and soon after that he started telling me that he loved me, even though I kept telling him not to get emotionally involved. Well, maybe it was those incredibly intoxicating and mesmerizing blue eyes of his that had an effect on me, but it wasn't long after that that I was reciprocating his "I love you's." We got along great. We shared the same sick and warped sense of humor, the same laid back style, tastes in music, poetry, books, movies, food, cars, motorcycles, hiking, camping, cats, sensuality, and need I even mention we really hit it off quite well sexually in all regards. Ours was a relationship full of passion and love on all levels and it probably was stronger on his side I must admit. We had our share of problems, doubts, fears and disillusionments too, as all relationships do, but probably the greatest of them all was ALCOHOL! It seemed that every time a little problem came up in the relationship it was blown way out of proportion, and rather than communicating about it, I felt like his motto should have been: morph it with vodka rather than dwarf it with love. Anyhoo, he always insisted he didn't like drama and I can probably think of 2 maybe 3 instances of things that happened in the 9 mos. that we were together that could have been categorized as 'drama', but then again, they were really somewhat minor, and always involved alcohol. I got to the point that I thought he was just looking for excuses out of the relationship if he was constantly turning to drinking when there was any little glitch, and the constant lies were killing me. Lies about little things that didn't even matter sometimes. Then he would say if he told me the truth I wouldn't be able to handle it. Well excuse me, I'm an adult and if you're going to have a relationship with me you for better damn sure be prepared to tell me the truth cuz I CAN'T STAND LIARS!!! We would have little phases of no communication during these mini disputes, but then late in June, we got back together for an incredible, peaceful, beautiful weekend together right before I went on vacation. We agreed that we were going to take things slow and easy and try to go back to how things were when we first met. Great! That was fine with me. We parted feeling refreshed, rejuvenated and more in love than ever before. He promised he would keep in communication with me while I was on vacation, if not on the phone then over Yahoo. Well, 2 days later I discover a porn/sex site profile that he had set up a week prior to my visit and I got rather upset about it. Granted, he did this during a time when he was supposedly 'drunk and trying to deal with shit at a time when he thought that I hated him.' Another example how alcohol always caused that wedge between us. Of course the profile turned out to be completely bogus spam and he wasn't really using it, but imagine my shock when I had just been to his apt. making love to him and then I see my b-frnd's profile and pic all over a slutty sex site! OMG! I was hurt beyond words and I called him late at night crying on the phone. He answered and said, 'if I didn't care would I have even answered?' Duh...hmmm, that's kind of a no-brainer to me. If he hadn't answered I think I would have been pretty damn stupid to have even bothered at that point. So what happened then was he says, 'why are we torturing ourselves, we know it's over', blah, blah, I'm in the meantime crying trying to get him not to give up. I accept his apology and say I still want to see him when I get back from vacation. Well the next day when I get ready to leave I send him several msgs. which he doesn't respond to any of them. He remains very cold and aloof. The day that I leave to go on vacation he sends me a msg. over Yahoo instant msgr. that it's over, yes this is goodbye over an instant msgr. because I care too much to do it any other way. What balls! He cared so much. No face-to-face conversation, no phonecall, nothing, nada, zilch, after the beautiful weekend we had together. I'm left to agonize with this being dropped on me as I leave for my vacation. Well bon voyage to me! Happy f**king trails! I guess he was off the hook on havin to call me while I was on vacation.
