It has been awhile, but I have returned to my blogs. The dust has settled, the pain has leveled out and I've met lots of really cool people on fubar, so guess you could say I've been somewhat distracted and hadn't needed to go to my blog-writing for the catharsis I was feeling I'd be needing. As for where I left off, I touched base on the history of how I ended up on fubar and the fateful end with said ex-boyfriend who is a very popular DJ on here. I believe in fate and destiny and things happening for a reason and all of that kind of stuff. People come and go in our lives sometimes for a short time and maybe we'd like for them to stay around a bit longer, but perhaps they fulfill a purpose and need in our lives that we can't see at the time, but after they are gone, we realize that it's for the better that they are not in our lives anymore, but they did touch us for a short time, and it was for some reason that they came into our life in the first place. That's the way that I choose to look at my failed relationships rather than just consider them to be a huge gap of wasted time, which is what I did for the longest time--basically feeling sorry for myself and wishing I had never spent so long with that person since they were so very wrong for me. Anyway, speaking of fate, just a few weeks ago I was working out with my youngest daughter and she mentioned how someone on the workout video reminded her of the ex-boyfriend whom she absolutely adored. Of course, it made me sad since she called and left a message on his answering machine the prior week wishing his son a happy birthday. It's always so sad when children are involved. I told her not to expect a response and she understood. When I came upstairs I was shocked to see a Yahoo msg. from him on my computer saying that his son was thrilled to get the b-day greeting and also that he was worried about me and wanted to know if I was ok. Well truth be known, I wasn't ok. My oldest daughter was about to have surgery and at the time it was questionable if it was cancer, so I was extremely upset, so we started talking and he asked me to call him. Well, as you can probably imagine, I was emotionally weak, slightly intoxicated, and very fragile at the time, so when he invited me over the next night, uh, I guess I didn't exactly say no. I hadn't seen him since the end of June and I guess I did kind of miss him. Good thing I still had his apt. key since by the time I got there he was asleep/passed out? (he did request that I come over after midnight so his son would be in bed since he had 'abandonment issues'?--like this was my fault?) Well needless to say, we had a wonderful time. Yes, I was aware of the fact that he was having on online relationship with someone in another country, which I couldn't understand that at all, but what really got to me was the blatant almost throwing-it-in-my-face stuff which seemed to happen. I knew I was a bootie call that night, but he told me he wasn't expecting the emotions and feelings for me to come back full throttle as they did. As I sat on his bed, he typed msgs. to his sweetie on Yahoo, "I miss you, I love you my Princess." Her picture was his screensaver on his computer and when it was 'their private time' I would leave the room to go play a video game with his son who appeared quite happy to see me. I guess I just didn't understand how he could be so deeply, madly and passionately in love with someone so quickly as we had just broken up 2 months ago. Then he tells me that I wasn't just a booty call and that his feelings for me were genuine yet just say her name and you could wake him from a coma...
