It started out like a normal day for a new beginning til my daughter gets to school for the day... she is confronted by another girl and this girl starts to hit, punch and kick my child... instead of calmly going to an adult, she takes the situation into her own hands and literally takes the girl and slams her to the ground, (Hard I might add).
Since my daughter is having issue after issue with school and with other classmates the teachers and principal ect, ect... they (school officials) take the word of the girl that confronted my daughter in the first place over her and deems punishment of four after-school acadamy days on my daughter.
Now, I have never raised my kids to lay down and take a whipping by anyone, I do believe in self-defense; but apparently you cannot practice it nowadays... you are suposed to just let your azz get beat. Anyways, my daughter tries to come out and convince me that there was a good explanation, that it was not her fault... well, I didn't want to hear it... I was fed-up with the school calling me all the time, tired of her getting into troubles all the time so I grounded her... not talking a day, a week or two but a month. No radio, no TV, no talking to friends on the phone, no going to friends' houses--Nothing she was not to ask for or recieve anything...
So, I tell her to go to her room and clean the pig-sty up and to bring me all the CD's of inappropriate lyrics and words to me... she is in a stage that could hurt her if not kill her... a Gang wannabe, even taking my bandana's and wearing them for her support (whatever that crap means).
She goes to her room and closes her door and I can hear her rummaging and throwing litle temper tantrums then silence...(thinking she wore down and went to sleep)... something told me to do a check on her. I opened her door, turned on the light and seen that the window was open and she was gone...
My heart fell out of my chest literally--panic, hysteria was settling in--went outside screaming and hollering out for her--nothing but people looking at me all goofy like I was some Nut. Started going door to door looking for her, NO LUCK!!
Distraught, scared, sick with worry hardly able to breath I call for help...
My oldest daughter comes and starts the circle search then my Sister and her two boys come and do the same while I wait (chomping at the bit) for the Sheriff. Finally, the Deputy arrives and tries to tell me to stay calm, everything will be alright...(Yeah right) I am rambling on and on about her being picked-up by a perverted sick-o and never seeing her again...
Four hours later... the Deputies stop a guy and this guy is covering his butt, tells them that she is at his house that she is beaten up... and deathly afraid of coming home... they get into their cars and "Poof" they are gone... one Deputy comes back to the house and tells me that I was the one that beat her... I flipped out once again...never laid a hand on her...I try not to go there from the experiences I suffered as a child... guess you can say I am a push-over parent, they get what they want I basically cave-in per say...
She comes flying in the door and the three Deputies are letting her know that I (the parent) have every right in the world to do whatever I want (within reason of course) to her, if I wanted her to stand on her head in the middle of the street for an hour she would have to do just that, that there are sick-o's and perverts that seek little girls like her and if one was out on the streets looking for the next victim that they could take her and there would be nothing she could do...she would be raped, beat or worse dead...
My life is now once again utter chaos... lost the man that basically gave me life again... the man that I fell head over heels in love with because of all the twisted drama my child inflicts upon everyone...now I can say my life is now non-existant no more happiness, togetherness, adult time...no more nothing. An endless infinity of blackness. A perfect role model lost that she could turn to whenever she needed a "father figure" or mentor...I am just utterly flabbergasted, upset, confused and depressed over this...just would like to know what the hell I did wrong to deserve this--bad enough that I already have a 17 yr old runaway floating around here somewhere, worried about her but still trying hard to function on a daily basis...A good man basically (in my mind) blowing me off because the heat is so intense.
I have been racking my brain, I don't (in my opinion) deserve this, just wanted to have a good man for once in my life, a mentor to my girls and a partnership filled with up's and down's like normal day life...(But what is NORMAL?) there is no such thing...like there is no happiness, no love...and no future; just HELL and the infamous question Why?
So, again in Limbo a place I created for myself, my own private hell and worse of all I am alone again 3 yrs and yes, back in the nightmare that seems never-ending.
Heart of steele is now all I have...no more emotion, feeling, being hurt, disappointments... just a bleak cold statue where I can protect myself...I can't do this anymore I am tired, I can't fight; I have been broke--my worst fear has become a reality and go ahead say it...
"Ha ha ha you did ALL to yourself"
But really did I? or what is it exactly that I am doing wrong? Do I actually deserve this?
