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Awesometrait's blog: "Sense of Loss"

created on 08/25/2007  |  http://fubar.com/sense-of-loss/b120156

My Teenage Daughter

Once again I find myself spilling my thoughts and emotions in this blog...My daughter Lee and I have been having communication problems and changes of adaptations such as "rules", "respect", and the "Locking of Horns" in so many other issues... She has this azzhole boyfriend whom I just can't stomach and I do not sugar coat when I talk about the azzhole... Anyways, she had been sneaking him into my "our" house and keeping him in her fuggin bedroom and so fourth when I am away at work... I have warned him twice now that if I catch him as far as fuggin stepping one foot on my property that first off I would shoot his azz... then call the Sheriff and have him apprehended on criminal trespassing issues... The dick anis calls my house multiple times and I mean multiple... too the point where I have been blocking numbers that I do not know out... and telling the daughter meanwhile how the ball is going to bounce down the court... Well... Saturday past, I was getting ready for work and the azzhole was again in my daughter's room in my "our" house without me inviting or knowing the dweeb was even here... I opened the damn door and seen him and told him to get his black azz up, dressed and fuggin get out cause I was on the phone with the cops... I had enough of the disrespectfulness and was not tolerating it anymore... Well my daughter was starting a fight with me... and I told her straight up with my roar that I am tired of the disrespectfulness and disgrace of what she was and is doing... that my "our" house is not a fuggin whorehouse for her chits n giggles... and to look at the influence she is impacting on her younger sibling... and she thinks that she is responsible for her actions? Well... I was not going to fuggin fight anymore cause I wanted to kill someone, something or anything... I had to take a quiet time to regroup... well I put her on restriction... for the month no phone, computer, coming straight home from school, and not going or having friends over...and that she was now notified that she was going to attend all her classes and be on time to every one of them. Well, that night I went to work the next day she pretty much avoided me... and my youngest came in and filled me in that if the weather was not to crappy and travel was safe if they could go to Utah to their Uncle and Aunt's house for Christmas break... well, I told her that I would honestly think about it, talk to the family and go from there, I would let them know... everything was semi-kosher when I left... get a call almost at the time to go to lunch... My youngest in hysterics saying that Lee grabbed some clothes and left with her boyfriend that I absolutely venomly dispise... The girls had a run in and Lee snapped... anyways I pick up my child take her to a safe plae return to work in hopes that Lee would be there by the time we got home later... She wasn't... so then I knew I had to call her in as a runaway... it has been 48 hrs and still no word specificly from her to me... She has talked to her good friend who has called me and she also talked to her older sister... Now she is out of state (so she said) and it is storming and getting worse... I have a funny weird feeling that I can't explain going on and it is actually getting me sick... I want my stupid azz Lee home... she told her sister that if I called of the law dawgs that she would come back but until then she wasn't... I am not bending over for a punk teen to make her happy... she is going to pay for the consequences that she pulled... I love her to death but Jesus, something has to give... I have taken so much up the wah zoo that I had not gotten a chance to enjoy it period and of all things... no Lube!! what up with that? I am at wits end... in other words from her actions that I read... if she is not happy then no one can be happy... Bullshit... I met someone and am currently seeing and quite honestly he rocks my world and I am happy and NO one is going to interfere not even a teenager who is mixed up, wishy-washy with emotions and mental unstability issues... I love my children with all my heart but if it is regarding their Dad then I am sorry... (he died), I have grieved long enough, it is time to move on and be happy once again.. besides this gentleman is not a threat...and no matter what, he would never try to fill their Dad's shoes or replace him per say... just be there for when they need someone to talk to, a mentor sort of speak... Dunno I hate beating myself up about it... I am worried I would like to have my kid home where I know where she is and I know that she is safe... Will update later as I get more information... Kinda feel better now that I spoke my mind...:D

Lost and depressed

Well, Leann is now in Utah with her Grandparents for the time being. Hopefully on the 11th of September all change of custody will be switched over and all will be resolved in all our favors. Meanwhile I am missing the terd. So, here is a poem/song for her to help me cope with her absence and to let her know how I love and miss her... You're like the warm sunshine, I think of you all the time, I've fallen for you and that's a fact, What do you say to that? You're always in my dreams, I think you know what they mean, My heart knows that this is real at last, What do you say to that? Life could never be the same without you, Love was never really love without you, Here beside us is really where it's at, What do you say to that? You're like the warm sunshine, I think of you all the time, I've fallen for you and that's a fact, What do you say to that? My heart knows this is real at last, What do you say to that? Love you Leann and I will get you home with us as soon as possible
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