So last night I was hanging out at the house where my friend Sean died. I was hanging out with all my buddies and it was a lot of fun. We even jammed out and I grabbed Seans drumstick, highhats and snare drum and even did a little bit of some shit blues drummin' while Snoop played the harmonica and Kevein was rockin his brand new awesome ass Fender Precision bass he's got. It made me very sad though. Last Thanksgiving, Sean, myself, Dirty, Noggins, Seans Aunt Karen and a couple of her friends were camping down at Lake Monroe here in Indiana. THanksgiving camping along with Feburary camping was becoming tradition with us.
So anyway, as I was leaving the house to go to a bar with my girls I went into the room that Sean died in - morbid I know - but I just felt I couldnt help it. Sean was my brother, my friend and my family. Someone I've know for a large portion of my life and I just couldnt help but see where it happened. I even sat on the bed. I was overcome with this saddness and lonliness. I talked to him and then I left. I went to the bar with my chickies - proceeded to drink Guiness untill my whole eyesockets turned brown then went with some dorky fella back to his place to trip on acid. Which is exactly the way I first met Sean - he gave me 10 hits of acid to trip on lol So when the dude offered it to me, it just seemed like the right thing to do. LOL Granted my almost 34 year old body isnt as kosher with the drug as it was when 14 year olf Dumplyn was doin' it but hey, you'll get that. I watched Jimi HEndrix Live at Berkley with this dork and Pink FLoyds The Wall as well as Pompeii. I was again overcome with what a lonely soul I've always felt like - ever since I was a child. At first I thought it was Seans passing and me just being lonely for his solid presence. But I really have felt lonely my whole life...no one has ever understood me, always wanted me to be something/someone I'm not and in turn I've always been angry. Granted I never give in and never give up - I am who I am until the bitter end...but that doesn't stop the lonely from creeping up. It hasn't been until recently, since I've met the most beautiful of people - my Sharpenstein that I realize that I don't have to be angry anymore. He does bring out the best in me and I need to quit using Seans passing as a GOLD TICKET to keep getting fucked up. I have been the most fucked up this past 2 weeks than I have in a long time and it seems to be progresively worse. I need to stop. I need to stop being weak and focus on my BIG PICTURE with My Marquis - who I love more than anything. Next to Sean, he is a rock solid individual who I cherish.
Sean, I love you but it's time my good bye to you as my bro was final. As Ozzy said to Randy - See you on the other side.
