Your unfulfilled dreams. Why so?
one thing that i have always wanted to do but never got the chance to do...is be in a band. i know i have mentioned this several times on Livejournal,Myspace, & various other websites...but i'm almost 30 years old. how can i be so OLD & not have this seemingly simple dream realized?!! well for one thing i never really had the patience to learn to play an instrument. i can be quite lazy...another thing is that i never knew any people that wanted to start a band with me. when i was younger i kinda isolated myself in this little rockstar fantasy world in my head & that was no way to get my goal accomplished. when i was 16 i wanted a guitar. i never got one. when i quit school there was a rumor that i quit to go on tour with a band! ha i wish!!! i'll never know how that rumor got started but i loved the fact that people actually believed that about me! around that time i got caught up in the zine scene & by then i started doing spoken word & that was good enough for me for the time being.cos maybe someday i'd meet some cool kids that dug my art & we could start an all girl band!....at age 19 i was satisfied just daydreaming about singing in a band. a few record stores in muncie,IN sold my spoken word cassettes & one store owner told me i was becoming "quite the little goddess" in muncie! so that made me happy!!...for awhile. becos in the back of my head there was still that dream & that hope that someday maybe i could go to college or move to a bigger city & meet cool people to start a band with...it never happened. i was either caught up in boozing or boys...i still did spoken word. i still did zines. but there was still something missing. that desire to SING! so i did drunk karaoke for a few years at local bars but that's nothing like being in a band.i got the chance to perform & have people cheer me on but it wasn't very fulfilling.
once i started hanging out with some guys in a band i thought maybe i would finally have the chance....they let me sing one day but i got too drunk which made me insecure & i never wanted to do it again. there was also the fact that those boys were so much younger than me. it made me feel stupid that i was 23 & i wanted to sing in a band made up of 16-19 year old boys!!!!! also about a week or 2 later their friend booked a show for them. so they only had a short time to practice. i was pushed to the side so i just totally forgot about it for awhile. once again my dream was crushed & swept under the rug. i wasn't a groupie for this band-they were my friends. however i let myself get involved with other guys in other bands that i obsessed over for way to many years...i blame myself for the fact that this dream is unfulfilled. becos i never learned to play guitar like i had meant to for so many years. i guess i'm just lazy! but my husband even bought me a guitar a few years ago. i swore i was gonna learn to play it & he was gonna teach me...it sat in the corner & collected dust for over a year. i recently sold it to my brother. part of me thinks that maybe i can still fulfill this dream even if it's just a garage band for a short period of time or even just recording a few songs with my husband. i juswanna create something. i recently got back into doing spoken word. which was really cool. i was nervous about it at first but i guess it's like riding a bike!!! but still....there's that hope in my heart & wish in my head--i wanna be in a band. even if it's just for a minute or 2. before it's too late. before i'm too old & have too much responsiblity. it's a silly little dream & i still think the same thing that i thought when i was 13---maybe someday.
