It was 1997. My Brother Joaquin & I were pretending to be in a band with Lori--my other brother Joseph's live in girlfriend. we were originally known as "Kitty Porn" but over those 2 weeks we recorded 30 or 40 "songs" we became "Kiddie Porn." outta sheer boredom we started this "band". made up only of a drum machine,maracas,a guitar that none of us knew how to play,silly lyrics & annoying voices. we sang songs about people we knew & did not know,candy,cats, milk!, & whatever else we came up with right on the spot. we basically decided what the words to the song would be,press "record" on my little tape recorder & chant them over & over until we decided that the "song" was over. we surprisingly came up with some good shit considering we couldn't play a note & we were just fucking around! but that's not really what this story is about. this is about how we tried to get our friend len to join in on the action. he worked at McDonald's that fall & had a really bad habit of talking with a really bad english accent! one day we walked to mcdonald's to see when len would be getting off of work. i do not recall how long we were there.i just remember sitting at a table with joaquin & lori. & lori was wearing black lipstick becos it was around Halloween. len told us to come back later. so as we walked home i was strutting down the street & i guess i swing my arms too much becos my hand swung into a truck that was parked in front of another resturant & i yelped in pain! the truck somehow sliced open my middle finger right below the knucle & all i could do was bleed! i was still carrying my soda & when it was gone & all i had was a cup of ice, so i stuck my wounded hand into the cup & by the time we got home i had a cup full of blood. it looked like iced red soda! i still have the scar to this day which i refer to as my "nike" scar becos it is shaped like the logo. that damn truck checkmarked me for life!!!
we decided to kill time by recording more songs. we had fun & drank tea, which for some reason i had a bad reaction to--i remember not being able to breathe very well after i consumed this herbal tea. this was about a year before i knew that i had asthma. that night we headed back to MickeyD's & joaquin decided he wanted to seek some "revenge" on his former friend debra (whom we had written a song about entitled "danger debby"!) by stealing a lawn decoartion outta her yard.it was one of those balls that sit on top of a stand & ....just sit there & look pretty i guess! i'm pretty sure he only wanted it becos it was blue & blue is joaquin's favorite color as well as his nickname! once we met up with len we told him about our plans & we knew he would be the one to actually act on it! oh the things you do outta boredom when yer young!! we nonchalantly walked by debra's house. len stolled over to the big blue ball on a stand & picked it up & started to run. he dropped it & it made a loud crash like he had just dropped a big plant pot so we all took off running! outta the corner of my eye ,as i ran, i saw len pick it back up & start running faster & all i could do was laugh, & cough, & run! the tea was still choking me so all i remember about running was that i couldn't catch my breath. we all stopped on the next street over & laughed our asses off cos the whole thing was just so stupid! & this stupid ball was so much bigger than we had thought! it looked so small sitting in the yard! but it filled joaquin's arms & we knew we couldn't walk down the street like that even if it was dark!!! i gave joaquin my leather jacket & he wrapped the ball up so it just looked like he was carrying a big bulky jacket. as we walked on still giggling about our hijinks a police car pulled up behind us & he turned on his lights. we thought we were caught. we thought someone had called the cops on us & we were gonna get in trouble for stealing a damn lawn ornament!!! we all froze & waited for the cop to come out & he was like "what are you kids up to?" or some shit. at the time i was carrying a little pink Barbie backpack even tho i was 19 years old! the officer said that people were complaing about people toilet papering in the neighbor & we all breathed a collective sigh of releif cos we knew we were not caught & that we were slick enough to get outta this ridiculous little mess!!! the cop was like "what's in yer knapsack?" i immediately showed him cos i had nothing to hide. i had make up & zines, not toilet paper. so i had no problem with showing him there was nothing in there! i turned on the charm becos i also knew that this cop in particular was known for flirting with young girls! i was like "we're too old to be doing stuff like that!" & i tried my best to be all cute & shit! he didn't even seem to notice the big bulky leather jacket joaquin was holding...joaquin said something about the jacket but i immediatley chimed in & got his focus off of it cos the officer didn't even mention it! he went on & on about it being a nice neighborhood & he was trying to prevent vandalism or whatever. (meanwhile about a block away the stand for the blue ball was in pieces in the middle of the street!) he eventually let us go.i can't even remember if he took our names & IDS cos usually they did....but he got in the car & we walked away laughing once again. cos for a minute there...we really thought we were goners!
when we got back home len finally recorded a song with us. it was called "Hamster Boy" about a guy that we know that has chicklet teeth. & there you have it...a story from my youth about living in a small town where there is nothing to do but find something to do.
