I read an article this morning where a woman was asking an advice columnist what she should do about her husband's hairdresser? She thought the hair dresser was flirting with the husband. She has also been married to this man for 35 years with no reason to think he has ever done anything inappropriate. The advice columnist told the woman to relax and not mention anything to her husband. She told the doubting spouse that she had nothing to worry about.
A constant question or suspicion that your significant other is doing something wrong does three things:
1. It hurts your mate's feelings. Imagine that you are in charge of the petty cash at work. Suppose your boss was always counting the money or asking you to justify expenditures? You would clearly say that your boss doesn't trust you and you might seek another job. How do you think your mate feels when suspicion is always casts upon him? It hurts.
2. It makes your mate angry. If you would be upset if your boss doubted your trust worthiness, how do think it feels when your spouse/lover does it? It hurts worse.
Hurt feelings lead to resentment which leads to anger. Unresolved anger leads to acting out behavior whether it is drinking, gambling, depression or even violence. Everybody is responsible for their own behavior, but who wants to be questioned all the time?
3. It ruins the relationship. Who wants to be in a relationship where they aren't trusted? Nobody! You wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a guy that was accusing you of wanting to screw everything in pants. So, what do you think happens when you do to your mate? It gets old. It corrodes the good feelings in the relationship.
Ultimately, this kind of behavior can lead to a self fulfilling prophecy. Your mate ends up wanting to leave or even cheating and then you say, "See, I told you I couldn't trust you." But, little do you realize that you set up the failure of your relationship.
I know many women can't see this, so think about a guy doing the same type of behavior that you do. When a man does this, he's called crazy jealous, a control freak, insecure and abusive.
Your girlfriends would tell you to dump a guy like this. You can't go out with your friends because he is jealous. If you breathe wrong, it causes him to lose his mind. Who wants to be with a guy like this? Put the shoe on the other foot and ask yourself, what man wants to be with a woman like this? -- The Average Guy
