It's still hard to believe she's gone.... it's hard to go to my favorite spots.. because she's not there with me.. holding my hand... I reach for her at night and wake up in a panic... I miss her so bad.... it physically hurts... I am suddenly a father and mother to a 12yr old.. and I'm terrified that I won't do a good job.... I have to learn to be a softer person... to change my beliefs of tough love so that I don't lose him... I cry myself to sleep at night.. and cry as soon as I awake in the mornings... Life just did not go as we planned... we were supposed to grow old together... we were supposed to play with our grandkids... we were supposed to sit hand in hand and watch sunsets as we relaxed in our retirement... It's just so hard sometimes........................