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I'm tired and worn out, I didn't sleep again at all last night! The whole situation with regards to my foot is having an impact on my mental and general health.
I have been to the Dr's today after totally loosing it on the phone with my program manager at university this morning. He thought it would be a good idea to see my G.P about my foot and ask for a second opinion. He re-iterated again today that I couldn't return until the fracture had completely healed, he understands my frustrations and finds it a totally ludicrous situation.
My doctor thinks I look 'bloody horrendous' (thanks), my skin is sallow, my eyes black and I have a huge coldsore that appeared yesterday, due to the stress and anxiety of the last week. I confirmed that I felt as bad as I looked. I can't remember the last time I looked like this. She told me to up my intake of amitriptyline to whatever level I needed and told me to take 3 co-dydramols (now you're only supposed to take two due to the paracetamol). Bless her, she wanted to knock me out. However, I didn't have the heart to tell her that I had already upped my amitriptyline and had actually used four weeks worth in one week and that last night I actually took 6 co-dydramol altogether, which didn't work, as I spent the rest of my night doing jigsaw puzzles.
She tried to get me to take an anti-depressant, but I refused ..... i'm not going back to hell again. It may feel like i'm in purgatory, but I know i'm not.
She tried to speak to Mr Kader (my consultant) but the fucknut is on holiday for the next two weeks and doesn't return until 15th. She did however arrange with his secretary that I will ring 14th and they will arrange an appt then, for the following day, there is some reason for this fucking malarkey, but I truthfully can't remember, my head is that fucked.
I also arranged yesterday with PALS (liaison team @ hosp ... when you ain't happy) that they will consult with Mr Kader (ha! good luck, he ain't there), they are supposed to be getting back to me by Friday.
This is a fucking unbelievable nightmare. I showed my doctor the bottom of my foot today and she agrees that it isn't quite right. I am unable to separate my toes, I simply have no feeling there. The side of my foot is also misshapen and looks con-caved.
Mark phoned this morning and said he would be coming up tonight if he could get away early from work ... He just phoned while I wrote that. He isn't coming, I think my coldsore put him off, although he says he doesn't care about that, he is just knackered and doesn't fancy a two hour car journey. I really don't care either, i'm dropping and i'm going to bed after i've posted this rant. This is starting to feel way too much like a relationship for my liking.
This is for no one in particular, I don't care who reads it, nor do I care if it is too much shite for you to read ... it is my shite and I just needed to vent!
Goodnight!
Jen
x
