IM just fuckin tired now. I need a serious lower back fusion from skatin when i was youngert and my days down shovelin coal at the lakefront. i have a inch of height my vertabrea sticks out like 2 inches farther than all the rest. it always feels like i have a screwdriver in my back and im tired. i sleep for days because wasted movement means more pain and i am losing my will to even get up anymore. i am not a quitter so i am against suicide but im losing this battle its 30 mg perks 3 times dayly and im still in some numbed sense of pain it has changed my p[ersonality i find myself nodding and affirming people conversing with me wiht out actually hearing what they are saying. because i am trapped in my pain. i dont have insurance atm and i am fucked. i have always be;lieved when one door closes another opens up but i am starting to lose face here. my attitude for life is deteriorating rapidly and I am treading water right now. just thoughts so any of my friends dont get worried keith would never hurt himself intentionally id rather look my enemies in the eye than do harm to myself. im just tired i cried to my mother today which i have only done twice in my 31 years of life besides bs when i was little. im vunerable and this is not comforting to me. i have always been a stand up guy who is self reliant and now im reduced to asking for help from people i would never want to see me like this cause it would hurt to see me that way for them.
