Kitten's blog: "This shit is too crazy to be true"

Anyone know when Alexisonfire is doing any shows? i would fuckin die to see them i would drive forever hehe ^_^

Today i hit a pretty bad spot and moms on the brink of passing away. Taking care of her is the hardest thing i've ever done physicaly and mentaly. I lost my head this afternoon and sobbed for what seem like forever. Im stupid when emotional, so i accidently busted my lip open when i was banging my head on the floor, its agrivating me right now heh But after i calmed down i went to get some food with friends, and i held in the urge to scream, holler and cry easier than when at home. And i laughed and had fun and forgot about how destroyed i really feel inside for a few moments. Its amazing how a lil change in what your doing can really bring you back to sanity. Soo im ok, and for the moment mom is still hangin on, even though every last thing i remember her for from my past is gone from her. Now i just gota wait, if she can pull herself out of this everything will go on like it has....or she'll go. For her sake im hoping for the second one. But for the time im here...dunno who i am or how to think anymore but im here

I got a call from Citidel Security today, they asked me to come back to work for them to train the new group of gaurds they're putting in the FedEx Buford site that i worked a long while back. Deal is i gotta train em, then stay on site as a gaurd myself. I dunno if i wanna take it...i mean i'll take it but its an hour drive away and with my sis using my car for her job, im gonna be using the acura, Timing belts about to snap and i dont have my cell cut on anymore, its gonna suck if i break down. I had this crazy idea to go back to work for Uhal in Athens (also an hour away) but as a second job dunno if i wanna do that again. But ya i got poison Ivy on my face for no reason, woke up and bam itches like fucking mad, dunno how i got it but its drivin me crazy. Stuff is still the same at home woo bah.

Woo i hope Bears win today....and as an update i was plannin to stay in my car for a few days, my dad got the great idea to burn all my stuff in my room last night cause he was tired of stuff...he was really drunk at the time but thats normal. So i went out to play pool like always and drank like i shouldnt with this ulcer and now hobbling around as best as i can in pain. How very very annoying but things are calm and all that good shit. so im outies

Im sure if you guys got myspace like some of you do, theres a nasty virus on the bullitens that trying to get you to looko at a link from your friend viewing a pic or something...you click it like my sister did and it trys to get info from you. Our computer stoped the virus....but dunno how it sstill got in. It loops windows start up over and over and over, no stopping or interfering with it. We got that another windows set up now trying to wipe it all but wont allow us, so im gonna be offline for a while till we can get this off our computer, poor lil thing thats now left with only 129mb lol, outta 160 gb. Dont click those things guys, its about $200 for the fix if you take it somwere

Ok im gonna rant if you dont wanna hear me bitch you should probably exit this. . . Is it not fucking enough i stayed up all damn night when moms feeding tube poped and came out....that i waited and kept things ok so the er nurse could get here....I kept washing all that fucking blood and stomach acid off my hands jsut to tell her to try not to move...but no one fucking listens. So they fixed it about 4 am and i got a hour or so of sleep...but now shes up, its leaking horribly and she keeps falling... Her regular nurse just to check on her showed up today..but can bearly speak english...and said all the leaking is ok...even though nothing will stay in her, this lady is a moron i swear it makes me so mad...But i cant get a single nap in cause my sis is home from work and sleeping...and moms out of her mind and telling the nurse we let her fall all the time and she hurts herself, like we try to be bad for her...wtf i try very hard to feed her and give her meds i dunno what else to do, not much sleep is going on here. She is outta her head and trying to walk around and cook again...WTF im so damn tired of this, this is the second time in two days i've pulled huge chunks out of my hair, and i screamed at her nurse and her just a few mins ago. HOW CAN I POSSIBLY WASH THE DISHES AND THE LAUNDRY AND FEED HER AT THE SAME TIME....Dont tell me to do one thing when im already on three more.. Gah damn you! And the fucking job i needed isnt actualy giving me a job, go figure with insurance due today....And i swear if i get a comment talking about what to do for my mom right i will scream....Cant do right by my mom when the whole time i been growing up shes been a alcholoic drug addict thats talked down about me to all her friends and our family. Beleive me im trying to do what i can for someone that bad mouths me and calls me a liar and a slut to my family...Sorry just my lil rant cause i havnt had any sleep and i wont for a while, now im gonna try to squeeze in 5 seconds for a bath while she is sitting in one spot.

Ok, mom got a letter saying they compltely cut her aid off cause im still here lol. Im changing the address, or leaving, so if i stoped getting online all together just to warn ya, it would be that cause i dont have my own computer if i leave ya know. But this weeks been pretty crazy, Been all wild and drinking and playing pool alot. Our final newyears stuff hasnt come up yet, when we're suposed to be drinkin pretty hard or whatever, i dunno, not been feelin to hot so no drinking for me me thinks but still wooo, Things are dandy hehe

I went to eat with my grandmother and aunt and uncle and cousins. I knew it wouldnt be good, cause we wasnt able to get mom in good enough shape yet to bring her over...so it was all to see her, and that failed. But Me and my sis went...and ate food...I love my sis sometimes but she has a way of really doing the opposite of helping when she thinks she is. She mentioned to my family about me being sick the other day and throwin blood up....So they assumed i was making that up to get attention, i really wished she kept her mouth shut, i personaly dont like them in any of my business...but then she decided to tell them about moms lungs not having an infection but an absess, and the pills for the infection is to keep her stable not get rid of it, even though she knows better. So we really got ....well my aunt tried to tell us we were wrong...that the way it was is how they had told her..., but its not that way, cause i was the one that passed on the info first, so everyone would stop screaming about her dieing and not staying in the hospital and blah blah blah....Christmas has just totaly sucked, I really wish i had more faith in life to go on. BAH THE CAT JUST KNOCKED THE PIZZA BOX WITH PIZZA STILL IN IT OFF THE COUNTER. ... g'night peoples

The Motherfucking dumb ass drug store lost our fuckin meds that we droped off this morning that stabelizes the damn abses in my moms lungs....shes gota have it tomorrow morning....and when i went to get it today..They have no record what so ever of getting it....or no record of her at all, Im so mad and frustrated and fucking pissed off i could scream. All the stupid lil girl did was say 'im sorry its not here nothing i can do' ok...i understand she cant do anything about it...BUT....shes the one that took the damn thing this morning and said it would be ready in three hours! The hospital wrote this and we got no idea what actual doctor wrote it...soooo ya this is gonna be fun trying to go up there early and explain...but nothing we can do about that, this is necessary. People fucking suck.

With my dad tryin to hit my sis after she screamed at him last night, Then getting really sick and being put down tonight i wish my sis was home last night. Dad tried to give mom alcohol, and it wasnt by her choice, he propped her up and and put it in her tube, both me and my sis lost it plus the meds that she was supposed to have for a few more weeks ran out last night. But im not feeling as sick tonight, the kideny infection isnt feelin as any worse this mornin and i still got 30 eps of full moon wo sagashite to watch today while my sis is still at work. wish me luck lol Plus i love my Ct friends, you guys are the best support and friends i've really needed. Hope your christmas is coming up good, and wish i could repay ya guys.