* Don't dirty your T-shirt wiping that up. Use my blouse.
* I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want em?
* That was fun. When will all of your friends be over to watch porn movies again?
* I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one.
* What a wonderful Valentine's Day gift!
* While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal, they'll still cover the point spread.
* I know my parents are in the other room, but I want to have sex with you right here, right now!
* Let's just leave the toilet seat up all the time. Then you won't have to mess with it anymore.
* I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and scotch.
* You passed out before brushing your teeth again, you big silly!