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howl's blog: "things get sad..."

created on 11/30/2007  |  http://fubar.com/things-get-sad/b161745
What happened to real romance , that crazy love that won't listen to anything or anyone??! That mad mad love that will make you be on the phone at 3 o'clock at night and laugh even though you're dead tired. That insanity that makes you giggle about nothing and think of him/her anytime of the day. I'm starting to even wonder if it only exists for me and nobody else cares,sigh. One thing I do know for sure,I so much wish I had it, but who knows that it'll ever come back in my life. Who knows if I'll love someone to the point of wanting to just be with him at all times like it was with my ex-husband ( the one who now hangs up on me if I need infos but does know how to call when he needs something!!!!). I miss being cared for by a person I also care about,the guys I like are occupied so I give up the ones who like me,I don't like ...it all sucks... . Friends telling me to date them anyway,how stupid,I'm not gonna waist my time AND theirs,neither do I like deceiving ppl! Not to mention the ones who try to get my attention and they're quite a bit older than me ( sorry to say,I'm very much into same or close aged guys ) oh well...maybe one day I'll find my dream man and have a bunch of tiny cute, babies who will be just as adorable as he will be.For now I'll just keep on dreming and being depressed. night everyone.
Now, I'm not gonna sit here and claim I have no wrongs,let this be perfectly clear! but it does come to a point where you know that you're doing all you can and you get no good in return. Let me start this story from the day of my operation ,so you guys can understand better. My (ex,almost..) husband was there to help,and we talked about the steps we're taking,inbetween one preparation and another,one worry and another. He claims we can talk about it more once I'm totally recovered.Obviously I was more than happy to open a dialog,notwithstanding his premise :"I'll keep an open mind,but I can't promise anything" . So the deal was,that I'd recover and we'd examine all the possibilities and see if we really couldn't save this marriage... He brings me home from the operation and I thank him more than once for leaving this possibility open,and begin asking a few ( neutral ! ) questions about it. He starts getting all upset and agitated and even threatens to leave without buying my painkillers ,just for thatttt!!!!!!!!!!!! His reasoning? I "forced him to talk" not caring about him :O:O:O:O I had to beg him to buy my painkillers cause I had nobody else to help and get this!!!: I had to even beg him to get a treat I'd bought for him as a thank you for helping me out. It looked like a madhouse,I'd say "please! at least get your treat" and he'd shout he wanted out of the house... I've never been this depressed.I do know , I have my wrongs and at times my behaviors HAVE BEEN MORE THAN UNACCEPTABLE.It's not like he just woke up and started acting up ,but it gets depressing nonetheless,especially because attempts to make amends are met by fake attemps to accept them. He could have just said to me he'd just not even think about it,but nooooo,he had to be the good guy now ,hadn't he? It was a lot easier to find an excuse as to why I'd be the once who messed it all up. P.S comments appreciated , but please , let it not just be the same old :he's mean,you're nice,he's wrong you're right - type of thing. If you don't have any deeper reflection than that,perdon me but I don't care much then.
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