dementedbutterfly comment my pics luv ya's blog: "the way it goes"

borrowed, but sooooo funny!!! The easiest way for any human to lose weight is to follow the simple 'Cat Diet' plan: DAY ONE Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the £1.50 per can -- and place 1/4 can on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room. Lunch: Four blades of grass and one vole's tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house. Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one wing. Leave the rest to die somewhere. Bedtime snack: Steal one green bean from your spouse's or partner's plate. Bat it around the floor until it goes under the refrigerator. Steal one small piece of chicken and eat half of it. Leave the other half for your partner to find where they least expect it. Throw out the remaining gourmet food from the can you opened this morning. DAY TWO Breakfast: Pick up the remaining chicken bite from behind the sofa. Knock it onto the carpet and bat it under the television set. Chew on the corner of the newspaper as your spouse/partner tries to read it. Be sure to eat enough of the newspaper to see you through until lunch. Lunch: Break into the fresh French bread that you bought as your part of the dinner party on Saturday. Lick the top of it all over. Take one bite out of the middle of the loaf. Afternoon snack: Catch a large beetle and bring it into the house. Play toss and catch with it until it is mushy and half dead. Allow it to escape under the bed. Dinner: Open a fresh can of dark-colored gourmet food -- tuna or beef works well. Eat it voraciously. Walk from your kitchen to the edge of the living room rug. Promptly throw up on the rug. Step into it as you leave. Track footprints across the entire room. DAY THREE Breakfast: Drink part of the milk from your spouse's or partner's cereal bowl when no one is looking. Splatter part of it on the closest polished aluminum appliance you can find. Lunch: Catch a small bird and bring it into the house. Play with on top of your down filled comforter. Make sure the bird is seriously injured but not dead before you abandon it for someone else to have to deal with. Dinner: Beg and cry until you are given some ice cream or milk in a bowl of your own. Take three licks/laps and then turn the bowl over onto the most expensive looking floor covering you can find. FINAL DAY Breakfast: Eat 6 bugs, any type, being sure to leave a collection of legs, wings, antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink lots of water. Throw the bugs and all of the water up on your spouse's or partner's pillow. Lunch: Remove the chicken skin from last night's chicken-to-go leftovers your spouse or partner placed in the bin. Drag the skin across the floor several times. Chew it in a corner and then abandon. Dinner: Open another can of expensive gourmet food. Select a flavor that is especially runny, like Chicken and Giblets in Gravy. Lick off all the gravy and leave the actual meat to dry and get hard.

Teachings From Our Mothers 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear,! in case you're in an accident." 7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way." 19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day! you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you omg!!! lol so true, mommy

hmmm- so my car died. caught on fire on the interstate. i loved that car. guess they really do need oil. lol. then last weeek i spilled coffee into my blackberry. well, i wanted a new phone anyway. btw- i got me a dash, aka htc excalibur, which is a pda/ mini pc. luv it btw. then- one of the kids decide to get accosted by the P.D..... hmmmm, still not coming to terms with this one. christmas is right around the corner. omg. why?????????? why does everything have to cost soooo much????? gas 2.05 a gallon. kids- money every day. work- cost time and effort relationships- cost- omg- stress, heartache, pain hope you all are having a better time at this game called life than i am luv ya guys

looking back i can see that i never quite got any of it right.i trusted the wrong people, can't trust the right people. can't seem to make any relationship work. why???? i don't think i am a horrible person. i have problems but who doesn't? i have forgiven so much, and yet i cant be forgiven. i didn't even do anything. i beg for compassion, time, love. wtf for? it always ends in pain. how can someone break your heart into little pieces and tell you they love you? sometimes i think i am going to give up on men. say FUCK IT. find me again. i give everything i have and it is never good enough. talk to me, hold me, love me. BS. i don't understand how my life can go from perfect (nearly) to perfect shit in the time it takes to light a cigarette! lol. and for those of you who read this--- never have a serious conversation when you are drinking. you or them. it never ends well. well, think i'll go bitch elsewhere, lol. take care

hey all i hope you all are doing better than me. i am having a rough week. kids, job, and now guy problems. we were supposed to get married, now he is having doubts. wow- i cant have my heart just pingponged all over the place. i told him i won;t be his live in forever. am i right about this?

gotta bitch, you guys some of you know my situation,most of you do not. i am here with 4 kids by myself right now. i am doing the best i can. i don't know how i can do more. i am a manager of a very busy restaurant, and if you are familiar with that industry, you know the hours are long. anyway- my children are 5 and 9. my boyfriend, who is away- his kids are 14 and 16. the 16 year old is fantastic, never a bit of a problem. he is a boy. mine have not yet reached the problematic stage as of yet. his 14 yr old daughter, however, will not behave. always in trouble at school, coming home late, hanging out with boys way too old for her. i had her to the emergency room a few nights ago, as she wrote a suicide note in school. they made her be evaluated before she could return to school. i took her. we were there all night. we talked during the wait, and i found out that she thought she was pregnant. i am at a loss as to what to do with her. i am in charge because we live together, but i have no real say, because we are not married yet. i called her mother, and she wants nothing to do with the situation. she says to have her locked up. i cannot do that. this whole thing is so unfair. she lives in another state, and was here over the weekend to have sex with her boyfriend, but do you think she took them off my hands for any amount of time??? no! she said she was not in a position to help. HELP???? these are not my children, and she can't HELP ME??? she didn't even offer to help buy food for the week or anything. i am so disgusted, i could scream. my hands are pretty much tied as to what i can do other than call social services and have them take her. i can't do that to my boyfriend. this is his child, but she is so out of control. lost and confused i am. i just had to get that out.

do you ever wonder, as you get older, if your s/o is just gonna dump you for someone else??? younger, prettier, any reason at all??? or am i the only one who feels this way? sometimes it just seems to much. women get older, and men get sexier as they age. why is that. why can't we be sexier as we age??? hmmmm. just don't seem fair. i am still pretty. but, i feel so inadequate at times i coul djust die. i really feel that men should appreciate women for who they are and not just what they look like sorry y'all for spitin that out at ya, but i think it suckzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

have you ever wished for something so hard, you really wanted it, and when it finally happened you were soooooo happy you felt bad for feeling so good? well, i manage a restaurant, and we had hired a new assistant. he sucked so bad. i know he mu=st have lied about everything he put on his resume. but, being a national store, we couldn't just fire him. we had to go through channels. and everything had to be perfect. good god, i searched through every policy violation there was in the human resources books, and while he violated our store pokicy more times than i can count, he hadn't struck a critical violation. well, finally he did, and we were able to fire him. i am so god damn happy i think i could shit a gold brick. but i feel a little guilty for rejoicing so much over someone else's misfortune. does this make me a bad person??? hmmmm, probably, lmao, but the ends justifies the means anyday.