red's blog: "the way i feel"

I feel as if i am living a lie i dont even feel like im alive ive tried acting like everythings okay but i think its driving me insane i just dont care anymore not much is worth fighting for everyday is almost the same extra bull shit to put me in pain when will this crap be done i threw in the towel kudos you won im sick and tired of this stupid game sitting around and listening to people complain waiting months 2 see a doctor for them to say youll be just fine go on about your way i used to be so very kind but these assholes have made me speak my mind how do we have leaders without any balls why are they so afraid to take the fall what ever happened to being strong what the hell went so terribly wrong they are supposed to be some kind of buffer but say fuck it let the slaves suffer dont give you time to handle your shit but the second they can they split they dont care about anyone else and only look out for them selves i guess ill walk around like everythings fine i have a family but no dawm time how can leaders accomplish making anything right when notta one of them is willing to fight

i wrote this poem just for you after all the shit ive put you though with you i wanna share every day i never meant to hurt you in any way i wish you knew this isnt some drama play its with you that i want to stay even though we are a perfect pair id be lying if i said it was fair i made you love me then ran away you let me go but wanted me to stay at times ive made you sad and blue but no matter what your love is true ive hurt you in so many ways theres nothing i could say or any price i could pay to make those things go away im always going through some crazy shit and you stand by ready to commit when i was little i hoped and wished that someday i would find a love like this one single man that i love to kiss whom fills my life with internal bliss i want to tell you all my fears and be together for years and years youve been done wrong too many times but somehow i am perfect in your eyes i could do nothing or be all glam and you would love me the way that i am your love for me is unconditional and true thats the reason i will always love you

I recieved this from my aunt and and had to post it because the pictures above are of her and her 12 year old daughter who is struggling very hard with cancer please repost. This is beautiful! Try not to cry. She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: "How is my little boy ? Is he going to be all right ? When can I see him ?" The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it." Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer ? Doesn't God care any more ? Where were you, God, when my son needed you ?" The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son ? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university." Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. "Would you like a lock of his hair ?" the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally. The mother said, "It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. "I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom." She went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could." Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spend ing most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car. The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room. She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep. It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said : "Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say "I Love You". I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD ! And guess what, Mom ? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom ? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him ?' "God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children. Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool ? I have to give God His pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery ! How about that ? Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me. (Let's see Satan stop this one.) Take 60 seconds and repost this, within the hour, you will have caused a multitude of believers to pray to God for each other. Then sit back and feel the Holy Spirit work in your life for doing what you know God loves "When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.." Email this. Title: This is beautiful ! Try not to cry. Send this to 10 people in 2 minutes and you will feel the Holy Spirit brightening your life in just an hour .. .

Sometimes im so happy it makes me sad Others say that I am good so I do bad When im with you i feel so free i lock myself up and thow away the key I tell you that youre one of a kind eventually i cover my eyes and make myself blind I love to listen to the sweet words that you say i put earplugs in so i cant hear them that way Others compliment my attire I go and set my clothes on fire You fill my life with nothing but cheer I sit around and think of thinks to fear You call me all the time on the phone and i tell you to just leave me alone So you see youve gota let me be Ive got to stop hating me Some ones got to stop this fight Pick the pieces up and make it right So that life can see better days Its time to change my self destructive ways.

Men wonder why women cheat or turn gay They should wonder if they made it this way? Put yourself in a womens shoes One can only take so much abuse I was hit by an arrow by cupid had me thinking narrow and stupid Its funny how a guy can get us everytime without a single thought just some lame line They holla shorty your a dime or simple ask to go out sometime They call us gold diggers and whores We dont care weve heard it all before So you used to work at Taco Bell But quit cause the job was hell Naturally you couldnt support your player habits So you found me and became my baggage You argue with us all day long and hit us when we are wrong You come in late at night with a plan to make it alright You used to live with your granny til she kicked you out on your lazy fanny So keep in mind and never forget that history tends to repeat itself I mean for real what is this? You call yourself a man or is it a wish? A man is with his family whenever he can He works full time and from his problems never ran.

so im layin here tryin to sleep but all i can do is think i am so confused right now i catch myself thinking out loud i wish there was something i couldve done and maybe this battle you mightve won though our friendship had just begun i had to leave to be with my son how can i write how i feel fuck it ill keep it real you know that i would fight for you you even saw it a time or two that bitch wasnt right for you and this everyone knew this shit is fucked up you shouldve dumped that dirty slut i am so mad at you you were so young your life had just begun but you hung yourself over a false love now your family and friends cant sleep right your memory haunts them day and night im sad cause now that we know you are gone not one of us wouldve left you alone by heather dattoli....rip my dear friend monty

why do i feel the way i do mad at the world all day through everydays the same trouble expressing my pain i think im goin insane fighting and yelling its not me got me wanderin who i used to be who is this under the skin where has this person been i rally wanna run away and just get through this stupid day when i get home ill sleep it away try to wake up not so grey why cant things be done the easy way better people...make better days just when you think its figured out your whole world flips upside down headaches that wont go away at work or at play they come everyday im like a walking time bomb ready to explode when will i, i dont even know i just wanna know why inside i feel like ive died if i had one wish it would be to somehow set my soul free and find the true inner me by. heather dattoli