“The Truth of Who I Am” by Jöseph Lee Foster-Shumpert-Lear, 1996
Published 12 April 2004 :: Poetry
Read more by Jöseph Lee Foster-Shumpert-Lear
I see the rain falling
As I stand here within my doorway
Clad in mine armour
Of tears left uncried
Of sorrows I’ve never put to bed
But allowed life within me
Allowed life
Which destroys my soul
Look into my heart
What do you see
Is it the man
I was
Or the man
I will be
Upon a cloud of night
Mine eyes once saw
The beauty and wondour
Which the stars held
And I desired
But What of those nights now
When all there is
Are the clouds which darken my day
Making them as mine nights endless
Where is my love
And all that I longed for from you
Like sands upon the wind
I wither away
Until all that you see is my hurt and mine pain
Asking yourselves
If there ever was much of a man here upon
To love and receive it in return
Asking yourselves
Who is he
Where was he then
And What is this cloak
To which I find his heart drapen
“The truth would burn your heart
Building a fire that could never be diminished”
Within clouded memories I find
A boy of lost tears abused
Unnoticed
Unloved
Why isn’t it known
“The truth would bring tears to your eyes
Tears, like the rain, will be polluted by grief”
From the distance I saw
A boy so young;
Beaten, burned, and molested
How could he live
How could he have survived
I did not
The boy they knew is dead
In his place an imposter stands
So again,
Look into my heart What do you see
The boy I was
Or the man you want me to be
In the end it will be the truth that sets me free
From this night
Conversations wrought with peril
I see your tears
I feel your heart
Breaking
And knowest not
Where upon this glue
I should place
Whilst it aide you
If love upon your lips, I placed
With my own
Whilst it aide you
If your heart I held
For all to see how much I want it
How much I need it
I love you is but three lonely words
Which I have played until there meaning is gone
And so no more power do they hold for us
And so no more will do I have to utter them
But perhaps
One day upon the morn
I may hold you tight
And upon taking your hand
I can place my own heart
And find it along with you
Not as black
As What destroyed it
`
look in my heart
What do you see
My past
My future
or you and me
