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The Pain Begins

I knew it would happen. Fubar became my enemy. Fu has been used against me. They come on here and read thru my thoughts...browse thru my pics and take it all in..just like they did years ago.

People you think are close to you will stab you in a second to get what they want. They will take everyone you love more than anyone else in the world and use them against you. It has been done again with the only person I love more than anyone in the world. The only people I have left that I love are my parents and siblings. They took him away from me and left me like a shell... romantic  love does not exist..it has always been stolen from me like my heart....so I filled it with the person I have always loved and always really did love more than anyone in the world. Now..that person is gone. My heart is ripped again from me...

The deaths last year left me hurting. My close family members still flash thru my mind like I just saw them recently. One person was as close as a mother to me and I never got to say goodbye to her. When "he" was gone it hurt..when I lost Pelle and Glenn...I felt like someone ripped my heart out..again and again people I love leave or die. Now...the one person I loved more than anyone left me. It hurts like someone died.  

I guess I have no feelings and am nothing. I am just a monster. I am the annoying being living across town.

Maybe I deserve to be alone..in every way....my heart is empty and as they read this I am sure it will be used against me also. Blogs are no longer places to type out your feelings to friends..or places you can feel safe about expressing yourself.

 

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