"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."(Psalm 37:4)
…He has our best interest at heart…He is always with us…He never fails us…Delight yourself in the Lord…He will lead you…He will guide you…He will direct you…He will enlightened you…"In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths."(Prov.3:6)…If you are looking for direction in your life…acknowledge Him…He gives good counsel…God is our delight…He loves us…He protects us…If you are going through a rough place…call on Him…don't aimlessly seek direction…call on Him…don't dwell on hurts…dwell on the all encompassing power of God…choose to be happy…make it a definite choice…dwell on His provision…dwell on His help…dwell on His promises…delight yourself in Him…Let these thoughts sink into your being…remember He is on our side…rejoice…we can not lose..He sees us through…When you feel a wave of despair approaching…call on Him…He will lift you up…whenever you are afraid…put your trust in Him…Jesus is able to turn things around…He tells us over and over again in His word to fear not…He tells us He is with us…He tells us the enemy can't triumph over us…God is our defense…Trust God with your life…watch what He is doing in your life…You will cry as the psalmist did in Psalm66:5 "Come and see the works of God,He is awesome in His doing towards the sons of men."…Nothing is to hard for the Lord…His power is truly awesome…Amen
When I think back, Josh died in February 2003. He was a few months shy of his 21st Birthday.
I was reminded today when I took a quick glance on my Facebook account to see what my family was up to. I noticed my cousin, Josh's mother, had made a post in honor of his birthday. The boy would have been 28 years old today...
Josh was a real special kid. From the first time he could walk and talk, you could tell something was different about him. Josh had bright blond hair, big blue eyes and a raspy voice. He was full of life...without a care in the world. As the year progressed, Josh had shown a wonderful personality and sense of humor. After his younger brother Jacob had been born, he had convinced me that the new baby's name was Adam.
As he grew up, he would come over to our house and after church he would wake my older sister up after she had worked late into the night waitressing. It was like clockwork. There would be a big bang..the blond boy would run by..and following would be my older sister screaming. The other siblings and cousins would get such a chuckle from it...Years later, she asked Josh to be her ring bearer in her wedding....
Through his pre teens and teenage years, Josh began to show his artistic side. he was in a band and had a lot of potential. He was also very athletic. When he went for a physical when he was 15, he had a muscle spasm....little did we know at the time it was the begining of his Hodgekins Lymphoma.
He battled for years...stem cell transplants, radiation, chemotherapy etc. What a class act. He maintained all of us and fought this battle into remission. He remained an artist all the way through. After 5 years, it returned. Josh fought hard but in the end, it beat him.
During the last part of his fight, he helped so many other children suffering by his strength. I love and miss him.
Rest in Peace Josh Geier
And Happy 28th Birthday
After the passing of a loved one over the Holiday season, I found my daughter and I traveling back home over the Holidays. We were stranded at Philadelphia Airport becasue of cancellations and ended up being put up for the night at the Ramada Inn via American Airlines.
What seemed to have been a great inconvienece ended up being a blessing. My daughter and i had a blast. Finally in chicago the next morning after catching the red-eye, my brother picked us up on that cold cold Chicago morning.
Arriving at my parents house, we were greeted by Mom and Dad. It was wonderful. We were tired but happy to be there. We ran to the store before the family arrived.
That day was filled with so much love. All 5 kids in Mom and Dads home with the 4 cousins...all of us together just as we promised. We had a wonderful day of fun and a Sunday Christmas dinner with the people that matter the most to me in my life. Who could ask for anything better?
The rest of the week i spent with my daughter and family. I am truly blessed to have had that time with everyone.
Other situations occured that made us cut the Vacation short. All I can say is life is too short to sweat the small stuff. Even someone you are astranged from deserves love, tolerance, understanding and prayers.
We almost lost someone else I had once loved more than any other man in my life. Fortunately, God was looking out for him and his new family. Everyone has been strong and showed true grace under stress.
A new outlook on life has been shown to me. Love each other, we are all God's children.
December 6, 2009, my Uncle Gene left this earth. He was 2 years younger than my Father, but you would swear these two were twins.
They came from a huge family down state Illinois. They lived in a tiny town on the outskirts of farmland. Both Gene and my Dad over the years of their youth had a variety of jobs. They did just about anything and everything. Both of them excelled in school, went to college and had been in the military. Gene had met a wonderful woman on a blind date named Fran. She was NOT the blind date but the other girls room mate. The room mate decided she didn't want to go so Fran decided she couldn't let that poor guy (Gene) be stood up...and it was love at first site. Gene was stationed in Germany for a while and had Fran come live with him for 2 years.
They all eventually moved from the country to the suburbs of Chicago. For years the two families blended. 4 girls with Fran and Gene and 5 kids from Evan and Wilma. The 9 of us kids were very close and still are. I always felt blessed to be a part of such a wonderful blend of families. Gene was part of the Comedy act of Evan and Gene. They didn't know it but I often though of them as being like the VanDyke brothers. No matter how grim a situation was, one of them made you crack up.
My Father and Gene had become educators. They ended up being Principals and Assistant Principal, Administrations and very successful men. The thing is, they both were great guys. My Dad is still such an awesome man. They were both very active in Church being Deacons and Elders. They also were..in which my memories start, part of our church classes. Dad and Gene taught the 5-6th graders. They took that class for years. Dad and Gene ended up being our Woman Church Basketball coaches. Now these two men for most of their lives had a passion for basketball. Thing is, neither one of them could reach the top shelf! My Dad is the shorty stretching in at a mean 5'3". I think Gene may have been at the most 5"6". Height aside, these two were unstopable on the court. They once scrimmaged us women, about 6 of us and those 2 old cronies beat the snot out of us on the court...lol it was like they knew where each other were all the time on the floor. I think that was what is was like in life as well.
The only major difference between these two men was Baseball. In sports there are rivals. Football there are the Cowboys vs anyone, NY Giants vs Philly Eagles, in Baseball you would think it was the Boston Red Sox and the NY Yankees...unless you live in Chicago. There are 2 types of fans, Cubs and the the wrong ones..White Sox. Dad is a major Cubbies fan and Gene was...well yes..one of them! A SOX fan! My younger sister told me a story of my fathers Birthday one year. She took my Dad and Gene to this Cubs game. It was an exhibition game. Sox vs Cubs. Of course the Sox beat the pants off the Cubs. The whole time Gene was razzing my Dad just rubbing it in..lol and my Sister was getting hot at him.
A story they shared with me was when Dad and Gene went Golfing for the first time in years. They got to the first hole, where of course several people were watching and went to Tee off. Dad "Stepped up to the plate". When he swung, he clean missed the ball. from there, my Uncle Gene took a shot at teeing off. Well, so the story I remember goes is, the club went flying out of his hand into the crowd. The two of them grabbed their gear and played Polo to the next hole. I can still see their faces when they tell that one.
They play once a week with the other retired principals. It really is their own Boys club.
One day when i was home visiting, Dad was borrowing a few chairs from Gene for a party they were having. I heard the doorbell ring and I opened it. Sitting there was my Uncle Gene sitting on a chair..just looking at me straight faced. It was actually one of the funniest things I ever saw was him just sitting there like that's where he was supposed to be. I yelled out "DAD! IT'S YOUR CRAZY BROTHER!"...Rolling my eyes...So Typical of them.
For a few years Fran and Gene had Josh living with them. He was one of my cousins kids. Josh was such and awesome person. He left us after having Hodgkin's. He was 20.
Fran left us last year. She was a great warm and loving woman. We all missed her so much. When i saw Gene for the first time since her passing was last December. He seemed a bit nervous and a little lost. Dad and Mom spent a lot of time with him and so did his 4 daughters. He was well taken care of. His Grandchildren came to visit and stay with him often for the 15 month stretch.
The day he left us he spent with one of his daughters and her family. They had a great time eating singing and having a pre Christmas celebration. When he got home he called Angela and let her know he got home alright. They told each other they loved each other. Shortly after that he passed away quickly.
I heard the news Monday morning. I flew out Thursday right before the wake. I have never seen that look in my Father's eyes before. He was hurt. He was sad and he was nervous. Mom was similar. The "Rock" of our families was shaken. The girls were devastated and so were my parents. My siblings were feeling the same way I was...deeply saddened and heartbroken..even more when they played a song Josh's band recorded "Time of your life" by Greenday. I have never seen them all cry like that. I do not think I have ever cried that much in my life. We were all so sad and heartbroken not just for the girls but for Mom and Dad. They lost their Best Friends. It was very hard to say goodbye but I am grateful I didn't have to do it from 1000 miles away.
We plan on all meeting at Mom and Dad's for a post Christmas party for the 11 of us. Our spouses and children will be there also.we need to be together.
We loved you Gene. Rest in Peace with Fran and Josh.
Two Months Later............
I still sit here alone..waiting. No word...
August 30th, Glenn would have been 51. Next weekend is Pirates Day. Silly but it was a tradition to spend the day with my Child there. That is just a pipe dream now. September 20th is the year anniversary of Aunt Fran's passing.
This is like breaking my heart over and over again. I am so trying to epast this, but times like right now, it is too hard. I tried to go to a friends party, the beach, hang out with friends..and I still spent the last half hour sobbing.
They have no idea how much they are hurting me. Maybe they do..maybe all of them enjoy hurting me..seeing me broken. Today out I saw a friend and told her of what had been happening. She wept for me. We stood out in broad daylight in the big shopping center parking lot outside a busy store..crying.
I know they are reading this. I do not know what kind of pleasure this gives you but...you broke me. You broke my spirit. You broke my Soul. You broke my Heart.
Life goes on in the path that you are meant to go. Little do you know it would be like this. Ups and downs, love, joy, heartache, heartbreak.
You set out for a life. you think you are doing it all right..then it crashes down.
Once i was young. i had the world in my hands. So many possibilities. I was in love and married to a really great person. Time wears things and people down. Small bumped can shake you up. After having a beautiful baby, she started to grow up into the love of my life.
All of a sudden, I lost control. I was the bad guy I guess. The illness took everything from me. I lost the house, car, marriage, job and almost her.
Then I found people who helped me. They picked me up and taught me how to walk again. I thought I could try what ever I wanted..only to find out this time I would lose the love of my life.
One day you wake up and..you are in your 40s. Your skin sags, crows feet, you get tired , you are broke, you have an empty bed, your kid hates you and you are all alone.
Is this where I am supposed to be? Will it be like this forever?
I knew it would happen. Fubar became my enemy. Fu has been used against me. They come on here and read thru my thoughts...browse thru my pics and take it all in..just like they did years ago.
People you think are close to you will stab you in a second to get what they want. They will take everyone you love more than anyone else in the world and use them against you. It has been done again with the only person I love more than anyone in the world. The only people I have left that I love are my parents and siblings. They took him away from me and left me like a shell... romantic love does not exist..it has always been stolen from me like my heart....so I filled it with the person I have always loved and always really did love more than anyone in the world. Now..that person is gone. My heart is ripped again from me...
The deaths last year left me hurting. My close family members still flash thru my mind like I just saw them recently. One person was as close as a mother to me and I never got to say goodbye to her. When "he" was gone it hurt..when I lost Pelle and Glenn...I felt like someone ripped my heart out..again and again people I love leave or die. Now...the one person I loved more than anyone left me. It hurts like someone died.
I guess I have no feelings and am nothing. I am just a monster. I am the annoying being living across town.
Maybe I deserve to be alone..in every way....my heart is empty and as they read this I am sure it will be used against me also. Blogs are no longer places to type out your feelings to friends..or places you can feel safe about expressing yourself.
Since the the big D day,
It has always been them against me or them against her.
When you have something to say,
bring it to the one you are sore with.
Do not abuse the innocent.
Argumentative we are not.
Maybe you have a more pugnacious personality.
It does not always mean that everyone else does.
Did you ever sit and consider the damage you cause people
by tearing them apart?
My heart aches for all your hate.
During these "arguments" I just give up.
I would rather be happy as I can be then be "Right"
She puts up a better fight then me...she is part you though.
But she finally gives up also..
...because it is always 2 against 1