THE FARTMAN COMETH
I must warn you all of a being foul and vulgar. Please heed my words, for this way the Fartman cometh.
I know what your thinking, Jeff you have lost your sanity (maybe but that will have to wait for another blog), Fartman? What kind of joke is this? Sorry no joke the danger is always near.
I was there when the elevator doors opened, the stench, the pealing paint, the scorch marks and the bodies on the floor with the look of horror and suffering frozen on the faces. Six bodies laying asphyxiated, ass-fixiated? laying on the floor.
Who is this Fartman? you ask. Not who, but what, thats is what you should be asking. Fartman hides his appearance. He looks, if you could see him, like a big brown eye, a big brown harry eye. Alarming I know, that is why he wont let us see him.
He starts out so innocent, pull my finger, isnt this fun. This is only the beginning, his true colors soon come out. I was at the elevator, I have seen so I know.
He is always after us. Think a minute and you will see. On your fisrts date, durring an interview or maybe stopped by a traffic cop. Suddenly the air turns blue, Then its 'I have to get up early', 'dont call us we will call you' or can you please step out of the car sir?'. You of just been assaulted by the Fartman. Ass-saulted?
This is alarming I know. Sad to say this is only the beginning, crack really does
kill. How many fires, car wrecks, plane crashes and god alone knows what other dastardly deeds he has gotten away with. D-ass-tardly?
It gets even worse. Volcanoes, Earthquakes and tsuamis. He dosnt stop there. What happened to atlantis? The mayans? The dinosaurs? I think you can guess the truth. They say the dinosaurs where wiped out by an astroid. Really? Ass-troid?
The govenerment is trying to keep this under wraps. The truth would cause panic. They have tried to stop him before. Everytime they try they fail. Remember Iraq? weapons of mass distruction? No they really meant ass-destruction.
You never know what Fartman will do, it could be just a little poot that will chase you from the room, or it could be a supernova bringing destruction to all we have known.
How do we stop Fartman? I think I have a plan. But... Choking... Gagging....Cant breath..... The basterd found me again...... Cant type......Eyes watering.....Everthing turning black......Damn you Fartman!....Damn you to hell!
