Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches
3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and
leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change:
$20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00
==========
Oil Change Instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store
and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner
and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00..
2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer,
write a check for $20.00, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking
for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and
drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil:
splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot
oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty
litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver
through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping
oil filter splashing oil everywhere from
holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among
trash in trash can to avoid environmental
penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer
with him. Decide to finish oil change
tomorrow so you can go see his new garage
door opener.
18) Sunday: Skip church because
"I gotta finish the oil change."
Drag pan full of old oil out from
underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in
hole in back yard instead of taking it
back to Kragen to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled
during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure
to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket
surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into
engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried
in a hole in the back yard along with
drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for
drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole.
Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly
cover oily patch of ground and avoid
environmental penalties. Wash drain plug
in lawnmower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh
oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty
litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter
into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used
to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid
crescent wrench tightening drain plug
and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction
to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes
because wrench hit Miss December
(1992) in the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and
bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case
of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter
to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving
under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00
Total-- $4165.00
But you know the job was done right!
Hehehehe, Gotta love our men ladies :)
Have a wonderful day all ..
~~Huggies Debbie~~
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