The Best of Late Night...
"The New York Times says that more women are now living without a husband. The worst part about women living alone is that they no longer have anyone at home to not listen to them."
-Jay Leno
"A new international survey has found that American believe in evolution less than any other industrialized nation. When asked why Americans pointed to Kevin Federline."
-Conan O'Brien
"Fidel Castro, the Cuban President who has been hospitalized since July, has been the subject of several conflicting medical reports regarding his physical condition. ... CNN reported the reason Castro's health has taken such a downturn was his decision to have a very risky operation to have doctors implant him with -- and this is true -- an artificial anus. ... They've upgraded his condition from 'grave' to 'serious but hilarious'"
-Jon Stewart
"People who watched the speech said President Bush looked uncomfortable. And I was thinking, of course -- he was in a library surrounded by books."
-David Letterman
"A lot of Democrats and Republicans are coming out against Bush's plan for Iraq. It's nice to see Democrats and Republicans on the same page, especially when it's not a congressional page."
-Jay Leno
"Arnold Schwarzenegger is recovering from a broken leg. ... In a new interview, Schwarzenegger said he's only taking a little bit of pain medication for his broken leg because the medication garbles his speech. Apparently, Schwarzenegger broke his leg in 1974."
-Conan O'Brien
"David Beckham is coming to the United States. People say he could make a huge impact on the way Americans ignore soccer."
-Jay Leno
"President Bush is going to be talking about global warming in his State of the Union address. He's unveiling his new plan. I believe it's called 'No Ice Cap Left Behind.'"
-David Letterman
