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Honesty should be a sin, cause it's a fucking curse. I can't help being truthful, but it brings out the fucking worst. Somethings should be kept in your head, but now I can't help it, The goddamn curse comes up like fucking word vomit. I say whats on my mind, I hurt people - push them away, all because I can't help the absolute truth, now Im astray from the ones I love. Knows as a bitch cause they've had enough. And so have I, so take my pain and let me lie..
Some guy on youtube was talkin shit about the kottonmouth kings, one response was..
"haha thanks bro! and you're a little bitch that rants over the internet. id rather roll a couple joints, smoke some bowls from my bong, invite bitches and homies over, and drink whiskey and vodka. you're probably pissed because you got jumped by a couple stoners in high school. get over it fool. Us get a life? how about you fool. you're the one not having a good time EVERY NIGHT and not meeting new girls and homies EVERY NIGHT. punk bitch."
Its a sad and disturbing thought that I'm having for the first time in years.. This feeling of lonliness and fear is overwhelming my usual thoughts.. My detachment from others, the hate I feel when I see them, completely turning around on me. I have no friends because of that hate, my family doesnt like me, I cant stand to look in the mirror.. I look at the pictures of my old friends, analyze them from a distance, envying the smiles they have.. They look so happy. And here I sit, alone, remenicing of the times I used to have, regretting the days Ive wasted hating the world..
I went into town today, and tried to have a good time.. my staying away from society has caused a slight case of social anxiety.. I do great with one on ones with certain people, and I thought I would be fine in a crowd.. But when my old friends tried to talk to me I hung my head and avoided eye contact.. Im so used to hiding behind a screen that I can't face the world anymore.. Ive become what I used to mock and hate.. Only a year ago I had too many people in my life to count, I always had someone there.. Then that one fateful day came, and everything turned around.. I started hating, I got angry and irritated.. No one can look at me anymore because I snap when they do.. I dont know whats wrong with me.. Maybe Im just destined to be a hermit....
You keep me trapped in this kingdom, a prisoner in the dungeon. Look down like Im nothing. Talk to me like my decisions are the worst they've seen, let me off this leash.. It was only a drink. And yet you think it will lead to more. So I was a drunk, so what I was a whore? I've been better. I see the world as it should be seen. A drink here and there, and smoke fills the air. So in this time, my darkest moments forgotten. My hearts not so rotton.. My soul doesn't hurt and I'm something of worth. You say Im awful, you tell me to stop. What about you? I dont give a fuck that you need a paternity test for your wonderful child.. that your priorities are piled in the closet with the rest of the bullshit you've done. I know, I heard. You're no perfect soul. Get over yourself, This is the hand I've been dealt, so Im dealing with it. Now Im in charge of my life. You can't take the fight. Give up, because I wont. So leave me the fuck alone.
How can a girl feel so alone?
Lost in the depths of the life shes known.
Struggling to know whats false and whats true.
Lost all color but black white and blue.
The kind of hell that makes you scream.
So little done, so little but mean,
hurtful, demonic, and cruel.
Trapped in a kingdom repressed by your rule.
Yearning for the life unknown.
Why should someone be this alone?
If you knew pain like me, maybe you wouldnt be so afraid. Pain is bealtiful in everyway, watch my heart just melt away when you peirce me, burn me, do what you want.. I hear the beat of a thousand songs, my hearts racing.. So what have I become? Sadomasichism takes over my life, and who will be the one to hold the knife? Too afraid of blood and despair. But I love it, listen. Hear the happiness and pleasure in my screams, see the smile benethe my tears.. Pain is beautiful.. I will show you.
The soft, sweet touch of death.. I shiver with excitement as his ice-cold hands carress my body.. My heart begins to race and pound, he doesn't make a sound. Not one word, not a sigh.. So dark and mysterious, I get so shy.. His footsteps silent, his eyes pitch black.. Moaning lightly under the sheets upon my bed.. I shiver againn. A chill filled kiss.. I've never known a feeling like this. He takes my hand, holds me down.. Whispers not to make a sound. He covers my mouth and I open my eyes.. A dream turned real, his pitch black eyes. I start to strugle, he hits me hard, I thought I would be forever scarred. He pulls up my dress, asks if I like it.. When he does what he does, I dont wanna fight it.. I can't move, I start to moan.. Now I see the anger shown..He hit me hard until I screamed, I can taste the blood in my mouth, and feel the tears stream... Then he leaves, not a word.. not a sigh.. Just a smile as I say goodbye.. I've never been this satisfied.. Im bruised, and sore, bleeding.. a whore.. his whore. I sit, secretly hoping for his return.
