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51 Year Old · Female · From · Invited by: 1032818 · Joined on August 21, 2007 · Born on October 29th · 82 referrals joined! · I have a crush on someone and 3 different people have a crush on me!
51 Year Old · Female · From · Invited by: 1032818 · Joined on August 21, 2007 · Born on October 29th · 82 referrals joined! · I have a crush on someone and 3 different people have a crush on me!


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PLEASE READ THIS CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU GO AND ASK A QUESTION...i'll start off with i am a mother of twins, a boy and a girl,,my son is here on the east coast while my daughter is on the west coast...i'm not mentioning their age for a reason...anyway i am recently single BUT i'm not really lookinng for anyone at the moment...i consider myself strong willed because i have been through so much over the years...i have been on dialysis for 8 yrs now and waiting for a kidney transplant...a year ago i had my right leg amputated below the knee...there are alot of obstacles in my way but i'm not letting them hold me back...i do everything that i have done before all this happened except for driving...that's my next goal...
this may sound stupid or whatever, but i do have an age restriction for my NSFW's...if your younger than my kids then your to younge, that's why i didn't mention their age.
DO NOT ASK ME TO C2C because i won't.
DO NOT ASK ME FOR MY YAHOO IM, i don't give it out unless i feel like it.
if you ask any questions from above don't think i'm going to answer because if you did read it, i wouldn't have to tell you... your choice...either get to know me or hate me ...i think that's about it....have a nice day


Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
Masks that I'm afraid to take off
And none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me,
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.

My surface may be smooth but
my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it is followed by acceptance,
If it is followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls
from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to. I'm afraid to.

I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a façade of assurance without
And a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of Masks,
And my life becomes a front.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings --
very small wings,
but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator --
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from the shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books may say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.

- Charles C. Finn



51 Year Old · Female · From · Invited by: 1032818 · Joined on August 21, 2007 · Born on October 29th · 82 referrals joined! · I have a crush on someone and 3 different people have a crush on me!
Interests
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...
1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3.. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family
of three...
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and
family is that they don't have e-mail addresses..
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone
to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7.. Every commercial on television has a web site at the
bottom of the screen
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you
didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life,
is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting
your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to
forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there
wasn't a #9 on> this list.

NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

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