No, I would never consider that path myself; however, I have a friend that is considering that way out and I am over 1,000 miles from him.
Last year, I had met his best friend who flew out to Austin to meet me. While it didn't work out with his best friend in a romantic way, we remained in contact and have supported each other's life's concerns throughout the past year. We laughed and cried together through our connections on the internet.
I was in Las Vegas a few weeks ago and thought about catching up with him, but his Uncle had just died and I thought they were in the midst of a funeral so I didn't bother calling. I should have trusted my instincts; I should have called. As it turns out the Navy, or another seagoing authority, put him out to sea from a ship instead.
Tonight, we found each other online for a moment and chatted for a bit. He mentioned that he was a bit depressed about the hours he was getting at work since it is a slow period for them at this time of year and now he was having to take insulin, among a few other things. Before we departed, he mentioned to me that he had posted a blog.
He doesn't normally post a lot of blogs (just not a big blogger person although his best friend and I are). Before closing the IM window, he warned me that is wasn't of a happy nature. I told him that I would check it out.....
I went to the blog.....
He started it off by quoting:
"I, while the gods laugh, the world's vortex am;
Maelstrom of passions in that hidden sea
Whose waves of all-time lap at the coasts of me,
and in small compass the dark waters cram." -Mervyn Peake,SHAPES AND SOUNDS, 1941
and then he continues by stating:
"O.K., I haven't posted in a long while. And why, you may ask? Because in general, life has been pretty good to me. My career is going well, I have been dating a spectacular lady who makes me feel special every time we're together, and and except the normal ups and downs of everyday life, I havent had much to bitch about... until now.
I hate to bitch or complain. Anyone who knows me knows that I am basically a positive person, but I am cynical and sarcastic. I won't complain to my co-workers, family and friends about my health because they are mostly older and in worse condition than I am. I can't complain about my social life... no one cares anyways. But why does God hate me most around the Winter Holidays? It always seems the end/beginning of the year is full of crap that sucks.
In reality, I have it good compared to others: I have a job, a car, a place to live and friends and family near to where I dwell. However, I got the phone call today that made me realize I might not have some of these things for long. Here's a short list:"
(Of course, I won't publish this list because it is his personal laundry list of things that are making him depressed and feeling helpless about life.)
He continues by stating:
" OK.. so am I kvetching/bitching/complaining?
YOU'RE GOD-DAMN RIGHT!
Am I giving up? That's a tough question. Unlike myself, I am certainly considering self-medicating my condition with an injection of 9mm steel-jacketed ordinance taken orally. It's certainly enough to make me want to yell, scream and jump up and down. It's certainly more than I ever figured I would have to face at once. And don't give me that crap about "God never gives you more than you can bear." I think Voltaire said it best... "God is a comedian playing to an audience afraid to laugh"
Yet I go on... who knows? Maybe I'll shoot myself tomorrow. But I will go on one more day and see what happens next.
- Sigh -"
Which is where I am left hanging. I want to reach out to him, to let him know that there are people out there who care about him as a fellow human being, etc.
Nothing is worth taking a life for. This is not the type of person that is negative about things, albeit he can be cynical at times (but who isn't?). He is the type of friend that will point to you all the positives of a situation and be the greatest encourager.
I have met his best friend face-to-face; I have never met him face-to-face, although from all that we have been through with one another, I feel that I know him as much as or better than if he had lived next door to me.
My instinct is to jump on a plane or in my car and travel to see him and tell him that things WILL be alright and be the encourager to him that he has been to me, but I can't get off of work. I am tied to my groundings here as much as I want to be there to help him fix things.
I ask of you that you say a prayer for my friend like you have never prayed before. He truly needs to hear God's words and the warmth of HIS ever-loving arms around him. He needs to know that there are those out there that do care about him.
Thank you, in advance, for your caring prayers....
