Over 16,529,969 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?
The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new
virulent strain of this old disease. The disease is called Gonorrhea
Lectim. It's pronounced "Gonna re-elect 'em," and it is a terrible
Obamanation.
The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior
involving putting your cranium up your rectum. Many victims contracted
it in 2008...but now most people, after having been infected for the
past
1-2 years, are starting to realize how destructive this sickness is.
It's sad because Gonorrhea Lectim is easily cured with a new drug just
coming on the market called Votemout. You take the first dose in 2010
and the second dose in 2012 and simply don't engage in such behavior
again; otherwise, it could become permanent and eventually wipe out all
life as we know it.
Several states are already on top of this, like Virginia and New Jersey
and
apparently now Massachusetts , with many more seeing the writing on the
wall.
Please pass this important message on to all those bright folk you
really
love
and care about.
mlm
Top rejected state of the union opening lines
"Immediately after my speech, you are all cordially invited to come up
here and kiss my pasty white ass."
"Members of Congress, I feel you're a pain."
"Look at it, people! Take a good look! You got a tool like this, you use
it -- know what I'm sayin'?"
"Are you impeachin' me? Are you impeachin' me? You gotta be impeachin' me
cuz I'm the only President standin' here."
"Okay, I shagged her. I shagged her rotten, baby!"
"I'm not under oath, am I?"
"This meeting of The Duplicitous Serial Adulterers Group will now come to
order. Ha, ha! Just kidding, people."
"I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. But
first, a few words from my husband..."
"Whoa! I've been sleepwalking the last three years! I hope I didn't do
anything embarrassing!"
"First, I'd like to introduce my new Attorney General, Alec Baldwin."
"Any of y'all got that Gwyneth Paltrow gal's phone number?"
"(Psssst! Al! Fourth row, third from the left -- you can see right up her
skirt!)"
"I don't think anyone can deny that this past year has made a vas deferens
in the face of politics.."
"I have not had sexual relations with anyone in this chamber. But
seriously, folks..."
"Acquit me, or the stock market gets it."
You Know You're from Louisiana When...
- Your sunglasses fog up when you step outside, even in December.
- You reinforce you attic to store Mardi Gras beads.
- You don't look twice when you see pink flamingos in yards of nice subdivisions during Mardi Gras.
- You save newspapers, not for recycling but for tablecloths at crawfish boils.
- Your ancestors are buried ABOVE the ground.
- You drink Community Coffee, have tried Starbucks, but don't see what all the fuss is about.
- You take a bite of Five-Alarm Chili and reach for the Tobasco.
- Every once in a while, you have waterfront property.
- You sit down to eat boiled crawfish and your host says, "Don't eat the dead ones," and you know what they mean.
- You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a National Holiday.
- You push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras beads.
- Little old ladies PUSH YOU out of the way to catch Mardi Gras beads.
- You believe that PURPLE, GREEN, and GOLD look good together.
- Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled.
- You know what a nutria is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team.
- Your town is LOW on the education chart, high on the obesity chart, and you DON'T care because you're NO. 1 on the PARTY CHART.
- Your house payment is less than your utility bill.
- You know that Tchoupitoulas is a STREET not a DISEASE.
- Your grandparents are called "Maw-Maw" and "Paw-Paw"
- Your Santa Claus rides an alligator and your favorite SAINT is a football player.
- You cringe every time you hear an actor with a Southern or Cajun accent in a "New Orleans-based" movie or TV show.
- You have to reset your clocks after every thunderstorm.
- You're walking in the French Quarter with a plastic cup of BEER.
- When it starts to rain, you cover your BEER instead of your head.
- You've eaten at one or more of these restaurants, AND know how to pronounce them: Prejeans, Tu Jac's, Gallatoire's, Ralph & Kacoo's, or Mulatte's.
- You have crawfish mounds in your front yard.
- You give directions and use words like "uptown," "downtown," "backatown," "riverside," "lakeside," "other side of the bayou" or "other side of the levee."
- You don't worry when you see ships riding higher in the river than the top of your house.
- You judge a po-boy by the number of napkins used.
- The four seasons in your year are: crawfish, shrimp, crab, and King Cake.
- You "wrench" your hands in the sink with an onion bar to get the crawfish smell off.
- You cringe when people pronounce the largest city in the state as "Nawlins," because only TOURISTS call it that!
- You know those big roaches can fly, but you're able to sleep at night anyway.
- You assume everyone has mosquito swarms in their backyard.
- You realize the rainforest is less humid than Louisiana.
- You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
- When out of town, you stop and ask someone where there is a drive-through Daiquiri place, and they look at you like you have three heads.
- You call tomato sauce "red gravy."
- You fall asleep to the soothing sounds of four box fans.
- No matter where else you go in the world, you are always disappointed in the food.
- You get on a bus marked "Cemeteries" and dont think twice.
- Your first sentence was "Throw me something mistah" and your first drink was from a go-cup.
- You have a parade ladder in your shed.
- You shake out your shoes before putting them on.
- You eat sno-balls instead of throwing them.
- You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Louisiana.
- You meet someone for the first time they tell you their entire family tree, and somehow you are related to their family.
I received this in a forwarded email and thought it was worth posting here
Even if you arent a sports fan this is very interesting!
------------------------------------------------------------
36 have been accused of spousal abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad checks
117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71 I repeat 71
cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 currently are defendants in lawsuits,
and
84 have been arrested for drunk driving
in the last year
Can
you guess which organization this is?
NBA or NFL
?
Give up yet?
Scroll down,
Neither,
it's the 535 members of the
United States Congress
The same group of Idiots that crank out
hundreds of new laws each year
designed to keep the rest of us in line.
This is just an email i received yesterday I thought was funny..
Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in
Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.
The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I
have some bad news, the mule died last night."
Curtis &Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."
The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead
mule?"
Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"
Leroy said, "We shore can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's
dead!"
A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis &Leroy at the
Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked.
"What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"
They said,"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do."
Leroy said,"Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and
made a profit of $998."
The farmer said,"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"
Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his
two dollars back."
Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.
They're overseeing the Bailout Program.
Limit all US politicians to two terms.
One in office
One in prison
Illinois already does this!
I thought this was kind of amusing
When construction began on a bar in a small town, the local church
started a
campaign of prayers and petitions to stop it. One week before the bar
was to
open, lightning struck the building and it burned it to the ground.
The bar owner sued the church, saying that its prayers were
responsible for the
loss of his building. The church, through its lawyer, denied any
responsibility.
When the case got to its first court hearing, the judge looked over
the
paperwork and said, "I don't know how I'm going to decide this.
===
===
===
We have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and a church that doesn't."
Hey Yall
It seems last night I was involved in a discussion in the MUMMS and didnt know about it until after the fact, I seem to stay in the dark about a lot of things on FuBar lol. Some were wanting to know who I am and if I'm real . My name is Paul and if you take the time to come by and visit with me,You'll know everything there is to know about Paul, plus I'll probably have a cold beer for you if you partake of that stuff and maybe some good food fresh off the barbecue grill.
To make it easy to find me if you have google Earth or a GPS goto
32' 47.280 N 91' 53.760 W that should put you in my front yard at least. For those that dont have either of those get in your vehicle and goto Bastrop, La 71220 1601 Montgomery Ave
and that will put you in my front yard too
if you cant afford a vehicle to go in and have a phone call 318-239-4685 and I'll answer and talk with You
If Your not interested in doing any of this, Dont be bashing My Sweet LadyDonna, shes one of the sweetest and Caring ladies on Fubar and I love her so very very much and shes gonna be at this address real soon too, then you can visit with both of us and maybe become a real friend..
working on the rest of this message and will post later
