Jonathan's blog: "Respect"

Just some lessons I have learned in life:

Learn to Forgive. in 2000, my mother was going through a rough patch in her relationship with her boyfriend Ed. One ninght, Ed called me and asked if I could come over and talk with my mother. I went over andf foundteh kitchen in shambles and my mother raging at Ed who was incompasitated because of his health. Ed sat there as Mom raged on and on. I could tell that she had been drinking, so I asked her to just talk with me in teh other room as to try and difuse the situation. In teh bedroom, she told me about how Ed had done this and one that and never followed through on this, all the time I was watching her drink long deep drinks from her cup. as she lit a cigarette I took teh cup, sniffed, smelled the vodka and poured it out in front of her to her disbelief. Then I goaded her anger towards me. After tyaking her rage I finally just asked,"you talked about leaving before, you obviously arenot happy, so why don't you just leave for both your sakes?" Her response was that I don't have teh balls to make her leave. In a span of 18 minutes, I had her 7 bags packed,  including one for just shoes, a cab called, clothes for her to wear to the airport, and her house keys and credit cards. 18 minutes. On her way out the door, she stopped, turned and said to both of us, while looking at me through her bloodshot eyes "Remember that when you die, I will not be there to pay my respects to you because I have no respect for either of you." And then she was gone. Ed took her back a week later, it took my Grandmothers funeral in 04 for she and I to speak again, and that was a call by me to just keep her up to date on Grandma Williams health. For four years, it hurt Grandma that mom and I didn't speak, but I know that she was grateful that we were evenif it was because of teh situation. After the funeral, mom and I worked things out and she and I are stong and loving, the rest of my family, not so much. I missed four years of my mothers life, four years of Ed's life because of my anger toward my mother, and she with me. Although all teh events leading to that night on 2000 were a steady decline in our relationship, we could have learned, supported, and help build our relationship. It is one of very few regrets that I have (I only have 3). Ed passed away in 05, so one horrible act ended up effecting over a dozen lives. When you have situations like that, your body is geneticly programed to inflict everything that it can to end the situation. My mother forgave me for removing her from a house and relationship that she had been in for over a decade, I forgave my mother for things said that she did not mean or intend while under the influence. And I should have been bigger to see that because I dealt with that 6 nights a week as a bouncer. Forgivness is a baptism. It helps wash the stains of sin and pain.