Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can ' t even get into my own pants.
Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you ' re in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and over fifty for Miss America ?
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn ' t have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
Don ' t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Wouldn ' t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press ' Ctrl Alt Delete ' and start all over? AMEN , AMEN !!
Why is it that our children can ' t read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
Wouldn ' t you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside? *
* (MY FAVORITE !!!)
Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it ' s in English, thank a soldier"
And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Ya just might want to pass this along..
