sickness
I lay here quietly on my bed wrapped in my blanket of warmth, my thought are scattered and the feeling of loss surrounds me..
my soul is broken and i feel it tearing inside me.. each rip brings pain,,. the very thing i want...i cannot have.. i cannot hold.. what i would give to be wrapped in the arms that would never let me go...to wrap my arms around the one that is the my love, and know without a doubt there is nothing else..
but life awakes me from my slumber and i'm forced to live broken.. maybe i always have been..
i want to scream.. i want to throw things i want to... FUCK!! it doesn't matter what i want..not here ..not now...it just can not be.. but the pain refuses to leave and i bury myself deeper into the warmth of my bed...each thought sharp..ripping my flesh... an open wound bleeding. this love that is inside me is overwhelming..a sickness i want to throw up.. i fight the sickness but the fear will not leave..
the fear of wanting when i shouldn't...knowing it will only end badly...if it ever really begins..
