DurhamNtx's blog: "Carryover from MS"

Originally posted Wednesday, January 25, 2006 In the wake of news about travel issues, I dug this out to post to my blog. I think it puts a lot of things into perspective, particularly about flying. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way, Qantas is supposedly the only major airline that has never had an accident. P = the problem the pilots entered in the log. S = the solution or corrective action taken by the mechanics. P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on backorder. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're there for! P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windscreen. S: Suspect you're right. P: Radar hums. S: Reprogrammed radar with words. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. And my favorite: P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. These sound like they were written by me... ---------------------- And since I am in such a serious mood today, I felt I should also post a recipe for fruitcake I posted as a bulletin the day I posted this blog entry (which my sister also decided to post as a bulletin) Although this has made the rounds before, sometimes it's hard to find that perfect recipe for a special occasion. I give you this for the next season. Let me know how it works if you try it... Fruitcake Recipe 1 cup water 1 cup sugar 4 large eggs 2 cups dried fruit 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon salt 1 cup brown sugar lemon juice nuts 1 gallon whiskey Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup. Turn off mixer. Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed. Who likes fruitcake anyway? Rock on! Durham