So I thought about what I wanted outta life and the answer to the question would be that I really am not sure. I know that I am in love and the fact that I am next to impossible to getting pregnant makes me cry. I am sad and worried that I will never again have a chance to have another child. I know that I want another child more than anything, but the simple fact that I can't get pregnant without help makes me so depressed. How could someone want to be with me and know that I can never have kids again. It is a 1 in 10.000 chance that I can even get pregnant. So what is a woman like me to do when in the last year alone she lost her one and only son to natural causes. All the pastor said is some bullshit about the time of life and how his time was up. BULL FUCKING SHIT!!! He was 10 months old for fucking crissakes. Who is to judge the determinacy of a full life. Surely not me but he was my angel and best friend. I am not sure how I keep going because in truth, I feel like a quiter, and like I was unworthy of such a gift. Well I guess just because I tried my damndest to be good mother, that God damned me to be unfit. Now ask me if I give a shit? go on ask me! Yes and No. I give a shit because I am not good enough, even though we have fathers molesting the children, mothers as well, we also have rapist, sadist, and the pure evil of man kind running around aloud to have there kids!! Well the other half is no because I am a torn woman and you know what I was the best mother I could be. So Fuck no what does a lonly mother do. When she has not the child that she should care for. How to live, How to breath, These thing are like but a dream to me.
