N33D FaNs Ch0s3n S0lDI3r's blog: "RESOLVE"

This path I have chosen i have chosen on my own. It's a lonely and sometimes painful path to walk. I have tried to look to others in hopes they would understand but not many can see what I am going through. I have truly lost myself on this path in the fog and I have no idea if i am walking forward or backwards anymore. I continually try to find who and what I am but I can't seem to find why I was even on this path to begin with. After the last try on this path I lost everything that kept me striving and pushing myself forward. Any ways that I knew would motivate me don't work anymore. I have tried new ways and still nothing I just can't find my fire that would drive me to push through anything. This is a tough wall that I somehow have to climb over, break through or dig under.

"HISTORY TEACHES THAT WHEN YOU WILL BECOME INDIFFERENT AND LOSE THE WILL TO FIGHT SOMEONE WHO HAS THE WILL TO FIGHT WILL TAKE OVER." COLONEL ARTHUR D. "BULL" SIMMONS SON TAY RAIDER NOV 21,197
People keep asking why do I serve for a lost cause. I say as Lyndon B. Johnson once said, "We fight because we must fight. If we are to live in a world, where every country can shape its own dynasty. We will not be defeated."
i HAVE BEEN WRITING IN A BLOG RECENTLY BECAUSE IT MAKES IT EASIER TO PUT MY THOUGHTS INTO WORDS, IF YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT MAYBE OR JUST READ SOMETHING MOTIVATIONAL YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT http://www.fubar.com/resolve/b349078 

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my friend sent me a link to see what my aura is and here it is.Blue

I wonder what its like to be strong? i wonder what do those words truly mean? I have thought for many years and searched my soul for the answer and I still havent found an answer yet. Why do I want to be stronger? What am I chasing after? Why would I do so much to try to get there? What am I willing to give up to get there? Wouldn't it be easier to just relax and let it all go? Not have to try to push myself anymore? All of these questions have run through my mind many a times but one thing always stands out above all and that's PERSEVERE. I have a strength that will burn brightly that I must quench the thirst for it. I have to become stronger to be where all the other strong people are. I want to surround myself with people that are like minded as me. I have to have their acknowledgement to allow me to be with them. I have to continually push myself to the limits. Srength, Destiny, Ambitions,Virtues, Belief, Honor, Pride, Character, Resolve, Embrace the Suck, Time Heals All Wounds are tattoed on my body to always remind me of who I truly am. I may lose myself in the moment and want to quit but i will never allow myself when any of those words come to mind. I am a WARRIOR that walks a path seldom walked by many. I wake up every morning barely able to move from all the pain my body has endured but i will continue to become stronger.

I saw that someone else did this and I wanted to give it a try to see what mine was so i did and here are the results.

Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
by Joe Butt

Profile: INFP
Revision: 3.0
Date of Revision: 26 Feb 2005

"I remember the first albatross I ever saw. ... At intervals, it arched forth its vast archangel wings, as if to embrace some holy ark. Wondrous flutterings and throbbings shook it. Though bodily unharmed, it uttered cries, as some king's ghost in super natural distress. Through its inexpressible, strange eyes, methought I peeped to secrets not below the heavens. As Abraham before the angels, I bowed myself..." --(Herman Melville, Moby Dick)

INFPs never seem to lose their sense of wonder. One might say they see life through rose-colored glasses. It's as though they live at the edge of a looking-glass world where mundane objects come to life, where flora and fauna take on near-human qualities.

INFP children often exhibit this in a 'Calvin and Hobbes' fashion, switching from reality to fantasy and back again. With few exceptions, it is the NF child who readily develops imaginary playmates (as with Anne of Green Gables's "bookcase girlfriend"--her own reflection) and whose stuffed animals come to life like the Velveteen Rabbit and the Skin Horse:

"...Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand..." (the Skin Horse)

INFPs have the ability to see good in almost anyone or anything. Even for the most unlovable the INFP is wont to have pity.

Rest you, my enemy,
Slain without fault,
Life smacks but tastelessly
Lacking your salt!
Stuck in a bog whence naught
May catapult me,
Come from the grave, long-sought,
Come and insult me!
--(Steven Vincent Benet, Elegy for an Enemy)

Their extreme depth of feeling is often hidden, even from themselves, until circumstances evoke an impassioned response:

"I say, Queequeg! Why don't you speak? It's I--Ishmael." But all remained still as before. ... Something must have happened. Apoplexy!
... And running up after me, she caught me as I was again trying to force open the door. ... "Have to burst it open," said I, and was running down the entry a little, for a good start, when the landlady caught me, again vowing I should not break down her premises; but I tore from her, and with a sudden bodily rush dashed myself full against the mark.--(Melville, Moby Dick)

Of course, not all of life is rosy, and INFPs are not exempt from the same disappointments and frustrations common to humanity. As INTPs tend to have a sense of failed competence, INFPs struggle with the issue of their own ethical perfection, e.g., perfo rmance of duty for the greater cause. An INFP friend describes the inner conflict as not good versus bad, but on a grand scale, Good vs. Evil. Luke Skywalker in Star Wars depicts this conflict in his struggle between the two sides of "The Force." Although the dark side must be reckoned with, the INFP believes that good ultimately triumphs.

Some INFPs have a gift for taking technical information and putting it into layman's terms. Brendan Kehoe's Zen and the Art of the Internet is one example of this "de-jargoning" talent in action.

Functional Analysis:

INFPs live primarily in a rich inner world of introverted Feeling. Being inward-turning, the natural attraction is away from world and toward essence and ideal. This introversion of dominant Feeling, receiving its data from extraverted intuition, must be the source of the quixotic nature of these usually gentle beings. Feeling is caught in the approach- avoidance bind between concern both for people and for All Creatures Great and Small, and a psycho-magnetic repulsion from the same. The "object," be it homo sapiens or a mere representation of an organism, is valued only to the degree that the object contains some measure of the inner Essence or greater Good. Doing a good deed, for example, may provide intrinsic satisfaction which is only secondary to the greater good of striking a blow against Man's Inhumanity to Mankind.

Extraverted intuition faces outward, greeting the world on behalf of Feeling. What the observer usually sees is creativity with implied good will. Intuition spawns this type's philosophical bent and strengthens pattern perception. It combines as auxiliary with introverted Feeling and gives rise to unusual skill in both character development and fluency with language--a sound basis for the development of literary facility. If INTPs aspire to word mechanics, INFPs would be verbal artists.

Sensing is introverted and often invisible. This stealth function in the third position gives INFPs a natural inclination toward absent- mindedness and other-worldliness, however, Feeling's strong people awareness provides a balancing, mitigating effect. This introverted Sensing is somewhat categorical, a subdued version of SJ sensing. In the third position, however, it is easily overridden by the stronger functions.

The INFP may turn to inferior extraverted Thinking for help in focusing on externals and for closure. INFPs can even masquerade in their ESTJ business suit, but not without expending considerable energy. The inferior, problematic nature of Extraverted Thinking is its lack of context and proportion. Single impersonal facts may loom large or attain higher priority than more salient principles which are all but overlooked.

Homer
Virgil
Mary, mother of Jesus
St. John, the beloved disciple
St. Luke; physician, disciple, author
William Shakespeare, bard of Avon
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (Evangeline)
A. A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)
Laura Ingalls Wilder (Little House on the Prairie)
Helen Keller, deaf and blind author
Carl Rogers, reflective psychologist, counselor
Fred Rogers (Mister Rogers' Neighborhood)
Dick Clark (American Bandstand)
Donna Reed, actor (It's a Wonderful Life)
Jacqueline Kennedy Onasis
Neil Diamond, vocalist
Tom Brokaw, news anchor
James Herriot (All Creatures Great and Small)
Annie Dillard (Pilgrim at Tinker Creek)
James Taylor, vocalist
Julia Roberts, actor (Conspiracy Theory, Pretty Woman)
Scott Bakula (Quantum Leap)
Terri Gross (PBS's "Fresh Air")
Amy Tan (author of The Joy-Luck Club, The Kitchen God's Wife)
John F. Kennedy, Jr.
Lisa Kudrow ("Phoebe" of Friends)
Fred Savage ("The Wonder Years")

Anne (Anne of Green Gables)
Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)
Deanna Troi (Star Trek - The Next Generation)
Wesley Crusher (Star Trek - The Next Generation)
Doctor Julian Bashir (Star Trek: Deep Space 9)
Bastian (The Neverending Story)
E.T.: the ExtraTerrestrial
Doug Funny, Doug cartoons
Tommy, Rug Rats cartoons
Rocko, Rocko's Modern Life cartoons

I definitely see myself as very imaginative and I think that you should try it to.

i figured i would start to put down awesome quotes and thoughts that i have down in one place so here goes.

1-31-13 The difference between a winner and loser is simple a winner doesnt know how it feels to lose but a loser is hungry and will do everything to win. With that said i will always be a LoSER!!!!!!!!

6-19-13 !to look into my eyes you will see many years of torment, blood, sweat and tears but never once will you see in these eyes that they have given up for I will endure everything to become greatness

7-16-13 If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life

7-19-13 If you let fear choose your path you are going nowhere

7-20-13 Life is 10% of what happens and 90% of how you perceive it. See things in a positive light.

7-21-13 ON A JOURNEY TO FIND MY TRUE SELF AND WHAT I TRULY DESIRE IN LIFE! I WALK ALONE FOR THE PATH I TAKE IS DANGEROUS BUT I WILL FIND MY WAY IN THIS DARK FOG!

7-30-13 Lord I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders to carry this load. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

7-30-13 the human capacity is so great but most don't even tap into 10% of it in a lifetime 

7-30-13 The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

7-31-13 SETTING A NEW PERSONAL RECORD FOR DISTANCE AND TIME ON A ROAD BIKE= AWESOME HAVING A GUY DRIVE UP NEXT TO YOU IN A VEHICLE AND SAY DANG MAN YOU WAS GOING 50MPH= PRICELESS

8-4-13 In life, we all fail sometimes and sometimes we succeed. If you succeed at everything you do, you will never know how it feels to fail. I hate to fail, but when I do it makes me work much harder to succeed.

8-6-13 the ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in the moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy- Martin Luther King Jr.

 8-6-13 if you have the power to make someone happy then do it. The world needs more of that!

8-10-13 Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense. 

8-20-13 Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do

8-20-13 Insanity is just a synonym for imagination

8-21-13 What are you doing today to beat yesterday?

8-24-13 Train insane or remain the same. 

 3-24-14 For some reason I feel extremely empty I wonder what it is that I'm looking for?

8-27-13 If you can't be a pencil to write someone's happiness, then try to a eraser to remove their sadness.

03-24-14 The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of us but those who win battles we know nothing about!

8-21-13 We are shaped by out thoughts; we become what we think, When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves 

8-july-14 I may not be beautiful like you, Im beautiful like me♥

11-august-14 The person who cannot believe in theirself cannot believe in anything else.

13-august-14 I may be a loser but i try that much harder to succeed in everything I do. I can not look at myself in the mirror until I have became much more than I already am.

19- august-14 I`m jealous of my parents, i`ll never have a kid as cool as theirs 

16-sep-14 let no man pull you low enough to hate

15-oct-14 I accept my fate and trust in the Lord to guide me where I shall go.

There are things that I want in life more than anything else in this universe. I want it more than the air I breathe, than the water I drink. Words truly can not explain what I would do to have that one thing. I tried for my third time and I didn't make it. I was injured pretty badly but I still wanted to continue but I was told that I needed to leave. I can't say that it was dissapointing in getting injured it was more that I wasn't allowed to continue training. Being told something like that broke my spirits to the brink of actually giving up on what I want in life. Being that low I had to return myself back to the reasons of what and why i had even attempted what I did and with that it made me want it that much more. I have alot of time to let my body heal even though it sucks I can't train for once my body will be one hundred percent or at least close to it for once. Spending most of my military career being injured in one way shape or form wouldn't allow me to realize my true potential. I do know that after everything i have been through I will have NO REGRETS and I will never give up.

I wrote this about a year and a half ago I figured I would post it so I don't lose it again.

"I WANT TO BE WHERE ALL THE STRONG PEOPLE GATHER. The ones that will PUSH me to be better in EVERYTHING I do. I will IMPROVE and so will they. Caleb is one of those people and I WILL meet him again. All of them that I have met give off an AURA or PRESENCE that makes you want to be around them. I want to put ALOT because I want to be the BEST and to be the BEST you have to BEAT the BEST. I have always had that burning desire to WIN at everything I do. I am WILLING to RISK EVERYTHING to GAIN IT ALL. All the PAIN i put myself through now is to make it easier down the road. All my life I have felt that my life was meaningless. But after many years I have realized that my life isn't meaningless it feels like DEEP DOWN INSIDE I am SEARCHING for something that will CHALLENGE me. In this short life of mine I have done so much but that still isn't enough for ME.

This was during one of the times i had an opportunity to meet some amazing people and they were the rreason that my fire was rekindled to continue on the path of what I was doing. I could truly go in depth on exactly who I am talking about but I see no reason for that because if you truly know me you will know who I cam referring to.