Over 16,536,721 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?
Mar 31, 2009, 3:10 pm
Yeah that's me...I been over on My Yearbook deleting the hell out of stuff...Preparing to close all my profiles and crying at the same time...Why the hell for??? Maybe because I have been on there for almost 2 years and made a lot of amazing friends...And lost just as many...They find some dream person and all of a sudden they forget the one who listened to them cry...laugh...piss and moan...bitch and whine...yada yada yada...I've always been there with an open ear and a strong shoulder for anyone who needed me...And it amazes me how quickly they forget...But the ironic part is...When that dream match all of a sudden becomes a nightmare...They remember your name and coming crawling or running...no matter...back to start the process all over again...And being who I am...I sit there and listen to them and play the sounding board and mop to dry up the tears of the jerk or wench who broke their heart...Oh well...Such is my life...
Originally Posted On Tagged 3/25/2009
Have you ever had to pack up a portion of your life...and watch it walk out the door?? I really thought this wouldn't bother me that much...After all...he hasn't slept here in wow...over 3 months...and even then he slept in the bed and I slept on the couch...
But why is it hurting so much...Putting all his shit in boxes...having to look at the accumalation of 16 yrs of living together...And finding condoms in a dresser drawer of his when your tubes have been tied for almost 13 yrs??? Yeah...he wasn't cheating right??? Oh well...guess it doesn't really matter now does it???
The idea that this room will be mine...That I can do as I please and not answer to him...It is leaving me at loose ends...Not knowing which direction to go next...Knowing there is that one person that I want to try to have a relationship with...Being scared to death of even considering another man after this many years...
How the hell do people move on to a new relationship when you've been with somenone for so long??? It took me years to learn what I could say...What I could do...without stepping on Rick's over sized ego...Do I really want to try that again??? Can I at this point?? Everytime I think about being with another man...All I can think of is fucking it up like I did this time....But was it all me??? In my eyes it wasn't ...But maybe to another man it would be...And one thing I refuse to do is have any man sit in judgment on me...I have had enuf of that to last me a lifetime...
Do you know what it's like to be able to do what you want after 16 yrs and answer to nobody?? I have no desire to have someone looking at me and judging me for decisions I make...Or telling me again how many women would die to have him...Or what a bitch I am...Or any number of things that I put up with living with my ex all those years...
After all...I still am faithful to him....He's the one who cheated not me... For 16 yrs I never let my mind even consider being with someone else...And I am stil at that point right now...I refuse to be involved with anyone unless I know he is going to be the last...I'll be damned if I'm going to go thru some mid-life crisis bull and go out and play the field...I'm too damn old for that as far as I'm concerned...
And maybe that sounds strange considering the day and age we are living in...But one thing about me is that I am who I am...And I'll be damned if I'll change for anyone...It's either a lifetime comittment or it ain't happening...
and I could care less who reads this...if anyone ever will...my thoughts are overwhelming me tonite...i had to stop what i was doing and get my head strait as if i ever will...and now i suppose if i want somewhere to sleep tonite...i better get back to what i was doing...altho i have no clue where i'm going to stack up all these damn boxes til he gets them outta here...according to the kids he says he's got nowhere to put his stuff...maybe he should have thought of that before he blew all his tax refund...hmph! which he got by claiming the kids that i have to raise more or less by myself now...*sigh*
Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Never Fall In Love On Line
10. Because the day he finally told you he loved you and wanted to marry you...You had already given up and found someone else...And it left you so broken you cried for two days after...and he didn't say I told you so when that someone else turned out to be the biggest player you've ever met...
9. Because you've tried to find someone else...when you know you've lost him...and no one can compare with him...or erase his memory from your mind...
8. Because you don't answer when he calls on purpose just so he has to leave a voice mail...and you listen to those six words "Its Me. Call me back. Bye" over and over whenever you need to hear his voice...
7. Because you login to your online accts over and over just to see if you have any new messages...and when you do your heart jumps cuz they might be from him...
6. Because your heart beats even faster when those messages are from him or you see his sweet face in your inbox...
5. Because your heart jumps everytime he logs in to Yahoo...and falls when he logs out...and you smile like an idiot when an IM is from him...even if it's just a battle vote request for some other girl from Yearbook...and you smile even more when he actually says hi...and you archive every message just so you can read back thru them...and torture yourself with the love you walked away from cuz you were scared of being hurt again...
4. Because you spent hours uploading every song in your I-tunes library that says everything to him you can't...
3. Because your heart breaks every time you see his status or mood...and it says crushed...confused.. .etc etc...cuz you know he's hurting...and maybe it's not you but your upset anyway becuz you know someone has hurt the one you love...
2. Because you spent six hours trying to figure out a way to admire him without adding his profile cuz you didn't want him to know it was you...
And the Number One reason you know you never want to lose him...That you love him forever even if he doesn't want you anymore is...
You're ready to throw away every scrap of pride, dignity, and self-respect you have...ready to get down on your knees and crawl to him...ready to beg for him to forgive you and give you one more chance....
Added today 4/20/2009
Then you realize that no matter what you do...He was never yours in the first place...And you were never his...And the time has come to cut it loose...Love cannot exist where none is to be found....
