Current mood: depressed
Category: Life
Currently listening :
The Razor's Edge
By AC/DC
If you read my first "ooch" entry on my blog, you will remember that, after apologizing to the Banana Splits (which I now repeat), that I stated I injured my knee. My MRI was done on Friday morning, and went quickly and painlessly. They played my favorite
radio station - and at a decent volume - while the machine was scanning me. (Bad Star Trek puns come to mind...)
Anyway, I went today at 4:00 PM CDT to visit Dr McCoy-er, Spoc-I mean, Dr Schwartz. Now, he had told me last Tuesday at my first visit that it was possible I had torn my ACL (short for Anterior Cruciate Ligament) or maybe stretched it. And I went to my visit with the knowledge his diagnosis could go either way. I expected the worst, and hoped for the best - with fingers, toes, eyes, everything crossed. (Interesting mental image, that...)
None of that worked, though. Dr Schwartz told me what I had expected to hear. Dopey me, not being more careful, I have torn my ACL. SHIT!
It's hard to know what to feel. I feel stupid, first and foremost. If I was more careful, I could have avoided the injury. I had surgery on my other knee, to clean out contaminants between the kneecap and knee joint tissues, and I survived that - you'd never know, except for an old scar, that I'd ever injured it. But I was only 9 at the time. 32 years later, it would be expected to have plenty of mobility, even after an injury like I had had at that age.
Honestly, I am very nervous about the whole thing. Not to mention depressed.
I can't work like this, not to the full extent that I could two weeks ago. Without the surgery, I could walk around. Not as much perhaps. And I would have to be much more careful - I could easily injure it further. The knee joint now has no real support, or check - it could more easily bend the wrong way, or worse, tear the cartilige, if I step the wrong way. With the surgery, after therapy and recuperation, I can be pretty well as active as I was. Without it, I will not be able to do all the same things I could before. And even if I DO have the procedure, there is a greater risk of some forms of arthritis.
Now, the surgery is to reconstruct - i.e. replace - the torn ACL. And it's preferred that natural ligament tissues be used - in fact, I could not find anything about artificial substitutes for ACL replacement on the net. Where do you find the replacement? I hear you ask. Well, I could be my own donor, or the ligament could be taken from a dead person. Dead? A cadaver? Eeeeew...
If I opt to donate it from my own self, the doctor said they could take it from several places. The real downside is, it would drastically lengthen the recovery time. And the procedure is more complex, essentially requiring 2 surgeries.
If I opt for a stiff's ligament, I don't have two operations from which to recover, and the procedure is simpler. Essentially, it means a faster recovery time. The only downside appears to be a risk of infection or disease.
Again - eeeeeew...
Doc Schwartz assured me they take every precaution to screen potential "donors" for nasty stuff (HIV, cancers...), and to as near sterilize as possible the "donor" tissue. So the risk is minimalized.
But still there.
So - do I live with this, and wear a knee brace the rest of my life? Risk greater chance of joint injury and deterioration? Or do I get it fixed? If I get it fixed, do I spend extra time, money and pain to have the tissue removed from me? Or do I trust the Lord and the medics handling the stiffie's stuff and recover more quickly?
I really must consider it more... I'll keep everyone posted...
Rock on! I'll try to!
Durham
