you know i always have considered myself a kind person. i have always had an open mind for everything, although i do admit that sometimes i am quick to judge certain things, but on reflection i see that people are just people and the things they do and say is part of who they are. but my mind wanders from people who have come into and out of my life, especially men. i know that they say that a woman is the most mysterious creature ever, and i admit that while a lot of women like to wear that veil of secrecy i think that people should be upfront and honest about who they are and their intentions for affecting your life. so i'm left with a great deal of questions with no answers and that drives me crazy. i have always been one that likes to seek out the truth behind everything and will not stop until the answers are revealed. there are however questions that i have been unable to answer and that's where my problem lies. why do men think it's ok to lead a woman on and not understand when she gets angry about it? why do men think that a woman's heart is to be held by them and then crushed until there is no room for emotions or love, just room for the impending dread of being hurt again? i have been in a number of relationships and i have never been the type person who stays to 1 "type" of guy. each guy brings in a different aspect and fun to a relationship whether it be platonic or intimate. i have been "just friends" with guys, i have been "friends with benefits" and have even held the title of "wife" which i will no longer hold for very long. if you think you might have an interest in someone then find out, go out or just hang out at home, don't just assume that a woman is going to be there at your beckon call. I eventually see what people are really like just the same as other women see also, just may not be in time to spare an emotional up heaving. if i am "in a relationship" with someone i want to find out as much about the person as i can, if i'm interested in that person i wanna spend time with them outside of the bedroom. i want to know aspects of their everyday life, and their character as well as their flaws that makes them unique and the reason i see an interest in them. so why is it when a guy is supposedly "interested" in me, that i find that as soon as he calls me or sees me, that i put those blinders right back on that does not expose the faults they have waged against me. well i am officially putting my blinders in retirement. no longer am i going to be going down the path of the unknown and accepting that as part of who a guy is. i'm done. i'm tired of believing a man has the capabilities of actually loving a woman whole and all of her quirky flaws. i am also done believing that a man can love unconditionally and with their whole heart and put into the relationship the same that i am willing to put into it. does love, with friendship and trust only exist in fantasies? is there anyone willing to test my theory and really get to know me for what's on the inside?
