Firestar Queen Goddessmember of the fuba's blog: "Poems of 2009"

No Longer Caring I Am Destroyer of hearts and minds is upon us. Hearts and minds full of infliction. Life seems dark when the sun is still up. Within the ivoryline of hope there is nothing but sorrow breathing upon us. Feverish dream of love I bury dead within my twisted mind and cold heart. Love to me is now acid rain melting my flesh into ashes floating about the wind of longing death. No longer do my hands reach to the stars. Blues have consumed me. Now these dark feeling have become my aesthetics Samurai warrior protecting me. Blotted science of love is no longer sweet kisses or cherished memories. All I have left is an endless pain of torture upon my heart and mind. The sweet words of sayonara to my living days with hopeful dreams love will one day be mine. The breezy desire within the howling wind of yesterday dream are now weeping souls wandering about lost. Once sex on fire was the good life for me, but now I am no longer me, but a shadowy essence of looming death. The classy individuals that think they are better than me are now just fading memories I no longer dwell on. Rain no longer falls from the sky, it falls from darken eyes of death. My tears are blood. The panic cell in life has come upon you. Hot n cold our passion is not erased. Those that used each other to gain things are now dead and gone. Untouched is my heart and mind to what is lurking upon life these days. I am in place where I no longer care. I walk like a shadowy mist upon life. I hear and see but don’t feel connected any longer to life. Now my heart no longer beats with desire, it is hallow like my soul depth falling into the darkness. Have I become like the other destroyers of hearts and minds? Do I seek harm upon life? Or does life seek harm upon me still that has no heart beating or no soul to care what happens to me or them? Blood drips from bones like a trail into the abyss of screaming death for all living that walks along side my misty shadowy of looming gloom. I pause to the eerie cries of someone about me. I turn to see nothing but space and endless darkness. Why does life no longer care like I do? Have become death upon life? Shall they all be like me soon? Nothing but mist of lingering past that never saw their mistake, until it was too late. Why do my weeping eyes hurt when no tears fall from them? My bony hands of nothing reach into the air. The cool brisk air moves about my bony hands and body like I have no reason or purpose within life or if I stood in its way to change its course upon the world damnation. I felt nothing because I no longer exist. I walk upon the blood ground of life twisted need for greed and power. I no longer care, yet I find my bones trembling like wind chimes upon trouble times. I sit to ponder the clouds of thunderous time upon life. I wish to feel. I wish to weep for all those foolish walking around with blinders on, But I no longer care about life. As I sit here. I hear the distant cries of innocence child wishing to have better life. I weep the tears of blood rain sorrow. I raise my cold dead essence. I fall. I say unto God, ‘I would die for life. I ask you, dear lord to spare those from this hallow torturous game of greed and death upon them. Give them another chance to change, so I will no longer have to worry over them. Give them a reminder to what I surrender away for their sake. Forgive me for not loving myself more them, but I am not shallow like them, I place them higher than myself. I give up my paradise for them. My love is strong and willful, I will give up all for them, so don’t let them fall into darkness like I did. Give them strength and will to see what must be change to spare life and the future of their children upon this one precious world they have.’ I hear your thundering sorrow and pain to what I surrender for their sake. Understand me please. I am but one out of many. Yet I care enough for life to spare life from the bowels of darkness. I feel and know of you praise in my choice for life. I see the light of upon my way. I fear nothing any longer. I give all over to life and you. No longer caring I am….life may think. People may laugh at my choice, but I gladly offer what is left to me to keep the destroyer of hearts and soul away from them. I offer them new dawning reality. A chance too dares the needed changes before it’s too late. My voice will scream out, they are dead wrong about me no longer caring. I care more than they did. I died for life and them. Would they die for life and me? ©2009 Firestar

What Do You Have When I Am Gone All I have to give is all my heart essence and soul depth within a raging passion flame for you. Whatcha you see is not always whatcha you get. I will never be crazy women chasing after you Or Picture snapping paparazzi trying too catch a nasty picture of you. All I have to give you is completeness when you need someone to be there for you not the person everyone in the world wants to be with. He said, she said shit will never mislead my heart and soul from you. It ain’t real love unless you put all your heart and soul into it. People say big girls don’t cry, But Baby, I am willing to cry forever for you and over you. Some say walk away. Some say for me to stop wasting my time on you. Time after time, you are never stopping long enough to just see me here only wanting and needing your friendship. You are the one that shake my world upside down, but I will never become like all the others chasing after you. I will not come after your love, if you don’t reach out to me. I will never beg for you to come get my love because I am strong woman that can walk upon life long journey as your friend only. Too many women in your life or around you are in contest to win your heart and soul, but too many of them are just false yesterday trembling winds on a lost news weather report. My heart flutters each time I hear you have been hurt. My soul wings stretch out, But No way do I run to you. I wait for you to reach out to me. All I have to give you is everything real from my heart and soul. Never will I be screaming from the edge of cliff why you don’t love me looking out the deep blue sea beneath me wishing to fall forever out of life. You may be a God to all those chasing after you, But Darling. To me you are such more and just simply you. I can see what you or those crazy women chasing women don’t see. The real desire within you that is raging to be free. The real passion lurking within you that you have yet to share with someone. The hopes and dreams you wish to dare, but you have yet to dare them. Can’t you see? All I have to give you is simply everything you need to be just you and nothing more. Within your words, Within your sultry eyes, I see the unwritten pages of destiny. Don’t you know because of you? I linger here in the shadow hoping and praying one day. You will reach out to me. I will here there for you yesterday, today and always tomorrow, even if you don’t need me. Letting go of you is like never dancing again. I pray to God than you came along in my life. You were the answer to my pray sent by him. Angel sent to make me dare all my hidden dreams. All I have to give is everything and so much more if you ever turn to me. If you gotta be somebody, Just be yourself, the man I love in secret, until the day you reach out to me. All I have to give to you is now written upon the walls of sweet endless echoes that you don’t see, hear or read. Never will I ask to come over. Never will I linger for just one touch from you upon my flesh. Never will ask you pretty please love me instead of her. Even thought that lurks deep within my heart, I will never say them out to you. Never will miss or long for your lips kissing me good-morning. Never will refuse to dare life because you turn away forever from me. These words I know fall upon paper will never be seen or read by you. I will be strong and firm. I will not fall to my knees in tears. No more wishing to belong to you. All I have to give to you is now hidden away. Whatcha you see…. Is no longer me, but women out to use you. Whatcha you think and know…. Is no longer the truth coming lying lip of false women? Whatcha you want and need now from me…. It may be too late to get now from me, so now you will be the one losing sleep and pacing floors endless. What do you have when I am gone? Nothing but falseness surrounding you, because everything I have to offer you, you let slip by you. ©2009 Firestar

Dark Side of My Love Lost hope is weeping upon the howling winds of my trembling mind of rage. Darkness begins to woe my heart and soul into a twisted dance of painful dreams. Your sweet hollow words of love become a dream of praise and depth that were hollow as the endless dream of life never ending. My rageful desire too inflicts pain upon your heartless heart and soul. Yet, My dark side of my love for you wants you still within my reach and life. How can this be? Your love was not real for me; however, your touch made me burn like fire out of control. My blood red lips of death wishes too smother you with kisses that will burn your coldness into light to what you have done to my heart and soul, where my love is no longer lightness at all, but darkness with need for death to take you away from all others. Dancing darkness of sorrow flows like the summer fire of doom within my heart and soul, I no longer exist to lightness of love. Both sides of me are now at war because of you. The sound of love passion is now a distant dream or pleasure turn into dark coldness consuming my heart and soul. Who helped into the darkness spotlight needs not try to save me. My hands are fading from your reach. No longer does my tear fall like spring rain of gently wondrous love, for now my tears taste bitter sweet like death rotting my passion into stillness No long do I scream out your name in passion. This is where I scream for your pain and suffering to what you have done to me. I look no more towards the light. I am lingering within the dark shadow of laughing hollowness of death that mingles around my blackened heart of darkness. It’s now time for my enemy too gain what he deserves for twisting my love into knots of death. Now all left of me is…. Dark side of my love become hollow as death because of your twisted lies and game upon me. I briefly stand within the darkness. I listen and watch. My hand comes up to my ruby lips of death. I kiss upon my cold hand. I blew my fatal kiss upon the howling wind of looming death. I watch the dark side of my love kiss you good-bye forever. No matter how much darkness is upon my essence, I can not harm you. The one man, I truly reach out with all my heart and soul because I loved you most of all above all others. The one man that made me complete, yet never once did you loved me back like I loved you. Dark side of my love will not embrace you within the same pain you gave me, so my last act before I slumber forever within the abyss of darkness, I set you free. ©2009 Firestar

For A Beloved Husband Words are hard at times. Words can go unsaid. When times comes to an end I will not want to leave my heart and soul passion for you unsaid. The day comes upon me with great knowledge that I was lucky the day I found you. The night we first held each other was like me being reborn into a world full of happiness and endless love. Never a moment passes that my heart and soul doesn’t feel your love around me. Today is not about yesterday or what may or may not come upon tomorrow rising sun, each moment is a lifetime, so I live each moment with you to its fullest with love. I fear nothing because of you. I see forever with your eyes. For you my beloved husband is the greatest love from God blessed upon me. Adored by my body heart and soul forever upon the first day we took our holy vows of marriage. Admired forever within this trembling body, heart and soul like you are holy my salvation within your heart and soul. Darling, I will always be complete as long as you are mine. You will be forever loved by me. Precious is life, but love is honor and gift that no man or woman should take for grant; I pray our love will be shining star of hope for all others, who reach out to love. For you my beloved husband, I would gladly wake through fire and coldness to be with you. I will always treasure every breath, heartbeat and smile you surrender over to out of love. You will be worship by me forever. Words flow like wind upon life. Words tremble to fear of being said, But For you my beloved husband, I will dare to scream my love out for you, so the entire world will hear it. Never will my words fail from my heart and soul for you. I will always find the words within me to say…. I love you always, my beloved husband. (Written for Aunt Laura and Uncle Percy, who had been married for 25 years) ©2009 Firestar

Confession of My Heart Words flowing within a strong desire and passion to speak what go unsaid. I love him, But He cares not for me in the same. How did I fall so hard and complete for a man, who shallow like dreams with no substance within them to become real? My heart burns for him. He is my only desire, yet I’m without him in my arms tonight. I would do anything for him. Become all for him, if he just turns around see, hear and feel my heart and soul desire to love him forever. We walk upon two different pathways, But Now our paths had crossed. I reached out to him knowing I was in love with long ago. Never saying the words that lurk within my heart and soul for him because I felt he would just laugh at my love for him. I write words. Create things to make his life more than what it is now, But He just moves about in his own little world without me. Does he not feel my pain upon each night I cry myself to sleep? Can he feel me sorrow upon the rising sun as I wake to another day without him being here next to me? Confession of my heart is weeping to my pain of loving him. Why does my mind always dream of him? Why does my heart and soul refuse to let him go, even though other friends tell me to let him go? I’m lingering here in space longing to hear from him or open my door to see him smiling at me. Would I fall into his arms? Would he just touch me and tell me what I feel is what he feel for me too? I am being foolish for loving in silence? I toss and turn upon my bed to all the reasons not to speak or meet him. He is always doing his own thing about life to achieve his dream. Yet, Here I am always waiting for email, phone call or text from him saying he is thinking about me, as his heart and soul is missing my words and voice. Here I am writing down my confession of my heart for him. Will he care about these words? I wonder. I sit and cry. I ache like damn fool upon the wall of sorrow waiting to dare life again, but refusing because the fear holds me back. I tremble to his words that still repeat in my memory. I reached out. He reached out, But Like a naïve school girl, I ran away in fear from words of someone telling me things about him. Were the words against him true? Should I reach out one more time to him? Do I dare hope and place faith in him and all the unknown possibilities to what could happen between us? I love him…. I just one chance too feel his love upon my body of sin like we were meant to be always together. I turn around and pray to God, This one man that is my entire world is thinking about me too now. Tears fall. My heart is aching to taste his lips of passion. My soul longs to share untold things with him. Why oh why can’t I confess my heart desire to him without fear of him shutting me out of his life forever? Can I ever find the strength to dare words to him that will set us free to meet and embrace whatever comes upon us? Confession of my heart is aching to say what I feel must be said to him. I just don’t want to be someone that becomes his nightmare. I just need to look into his haunting green eyes to know what is or not between us. Can I…. Should I dare it? This longing is killing me. Why is he my prince, yet my haunting demon that stirs such passion I have never felt that burns like he is the sun upon my flesh? Why does his voice haunt me like a distant star fading from my sight? Just once…. I wish he would just took control over my fears and demand what lurks within my heart and soul for him to breathe out, so no longer I would be in the dark to what is or not going to be for him and me. Words I fear to say. From the beginning to now I have hidden my love for him. Yet, I linger to why he doesn’t speak to me. Is it because I have refused to meet him out of fear of being shun upon sight? Or is it because I allowed others to speak things that make me believe the worst in him? Why doesn’t he reach out to me? Here I am writing my heart confession out to for him to read, But Will he read it? If he does will he speak to me about my words? Will I be the fool in the end once I dare the words out a loud to where he can see, read or know them? Why is this hard for me to tell him? Can he be so blind or close off to what I feel about him? Is what I have for him not something I should be feeling or express out loud to him? This is driving me insane. Yet, I know what is worst. Is me dreaming of him, me loving him, me crying and longing to hear from him? Should I see? See….no word from him means I am nothing to his heart or soul. Is my mind running crazy now or just being overworked with doubt? I love him with all my heart and soul. Now I faced with telling him or not. Tossing and turning with tears upon my pillow. I am always waiting for his call that never comes. Wishing and praying to read an email from him asking me to come see him, so we can talk about this face to face, But Each day…. Nothing from him. I know once or more he wanted to meet, but his words and my feelings frightened me. I never felt this way towards man before. Should I have told him? Should he have known I was scared of the unknown? Confession of my heart needs answers. Can he just set me free from all this pain and suffering I am causing myself over him? ©2009 Firestar

Hollow Shell Hollow is the shell I dwell within. It is but an uncovered grave with a lifeless body desiring to live again. The evil that lives within my mind longs to lurk about life like demon screaming for freedom. How did this come to be upon me? I once thought I knew myself and you, But I was sorrowful wrong upon my last breath of life. Why must this hollowing shell be my existences now? Cold and dark has now become my only solaces within my death. Endlessly I hear things about me like haunting dripping of blood from my veins. Hollow is my shell of death lingering in sorrowful winds of dark dreams. I am nothing now because I dare to love you. Words I wrote and spoke fell upon your deafen ears. Your heart and soul was twisted and cruel to me. My hollowness is now my lostness upon abyss of endless darkness. As my restless spirit watches you move about life and reaching out to love again. ©2009 Firestar

Beauty Flashy looks that steals every single breathe from man. A free and easy attitude about life as if you are the only woman walking in perfection. Full of affection to share, yet to shallow to share it because you need no one but yourself. Full of sound and fury like hurricane upon life is narrow minded thinking. Shining brilliant like glowing light of power no one can refuse to watch. A deep manifestation feeling beings to burn within your heart and soul which has now become a self-worshipping ego as if you are the only goddess within every man life. Reckless words, reckless thoughts and deeds towards other women standing in your way. Elegant writing too impresses the readers of words flowing upon paper with no substance of reality, yet full of egotistical meaning only someone like you can understand and relate too. Beauty always carries a deep need within to be the only one winning and being center of attention. Never reserved or modest because you know sex gets you everything for man, who wants to have angel upon his arm. Beauty throws out rules of etiquette in life glamour and fortune. Overbearing and domineering when another woman goes after your prey. A good girl once you were, but now you have known, a bad girl always ends up on top. Beauty lets nothing stay in her away to achieve her main goal in life. Sparkling spirit of lies and hot desire flows like scent upon the wind to attract and draw the men to you and only you, as if they have one the grand prize in life. Swagger walk about life commands their attention only on you. High and mighty you feel with your beauty that steals men looks, hearts and souls away from all those who keep them from you. Beauty must always flaunt her flaming passion like beacon calling out to breathtaking butterflies to come fluttering towards your dangerous light of falseness. While all the other women are left to deal with the men weeping sorrow and pain because you gain everything from your helpless prey. Why must beauty always think its all about the outside looks? Why must beauty overshadow all the others, who are just wishing to be seen for what is inside instead of outside looks? Tears may never from beauty eyes. Beauty may always seem better than all the others, but what does beauty get beauty in the end, but a broken heart and emptied bed because of your shallow ways? ©2009 Firestar

Dark Arrogance For the purpose of pleasing dark passion an attraction of fatal of love becomes the dark arrogance. The unnatural desire begins to consuming something with no heart or soul to where it must be alive upon life. Always assuming it has the divine right to exist or believe in things that is unreal or untrue. Dark arrogance has no control over its limit of one’s own selfish desire. Proudly taking upon oneself too force anyone to surrender all over to gain the unleashed need of control and power. Shameless boldness begins to breathe life into coldness and depth of darkness nightmare horror. Never displaying default in front of life. Always perfect and to real too be true, yet always the one somebody wants in their life. Taking everything for granted because you can. Never having any fear of being corrected or denied what you want. Dark arrogance is always bloated with pride beyond reasoning. Swollen lips of lingering hungry speak within rough speech in words that seem sweet and haunting upon your heart and soul to willing walk down the dark pathway of sin into untold horror. Hardened is the heart and soul without any emotion or care to what is said or done to achieve the dark arrogance desire. There is an excessive need to be all to you. Dark arrogance has so many boisterous ways to push people out of your life. Conceited beyond any reality is dark arrogance. A Self-assertive with a brazen attitude like a god to be worshipped Dark arrogance always has an unnervy need to be the only person of importance about you. Scornful upon others, who try to steal or take you away? Dark arrogance is a shadowy doom and gloom upon anyone life. How can one be free of it? Here comes the dark arrogance of one, who is always think he or she is better than others. ©2009 Firestar

Acting The scene set. The passion is flowing like wind stirring about your body. Portraying the part needed to gain whatever your heart and soul wants. Yet, when off screen is the actor or actress still performing to falseness? Tragedy echoes. Words are provoking the spirit to relate. Looks and touches. His or her alluring movement stirs like fire within our blood. When does his or her theatrical stop and the true reality begin for them and us? Tragic stories and tragic words flow about the entire room, yet nothing seem real; however, most of it is? How can we tell when they are being real with you? Should we place our heart and soul into one that plays a part like he or she is always upon a stage or movie set? Life is an endless drama that seems too never end about us or life. Feelings stir. Love blooms like words upon pages with no substances. Tears fall as love dies or becomes a nightmare dream of horror. Yet…. The acting is always flowing about life like an endless picture show. Is this what life and love all about now? Is life and love acting, as if we are part of stage or movie scene with no real meanings or truth? When will acting stop and reality start to where life can have true purpose or substances? ©2009 Firestar

Absence of Heart Darkness lurks within depth of heart. Gone from home is your heart. Uninhabited is your conscious of truth. Devoid to feelings in words you use to gain your way. How can life or love be so exempted from your heart? Your heart has no existence to dare understance of my love. Missing is the compassion to see, hear and feel my words to you. Absence of heart is nothing but dull endless wandering abyss of selfishness. Your body is without residence of heart of reality. Contents filled only with self serving needs. Nowhere to be found…. Can your heart be? Omitted is the chance to dare love within my glowing light. Unoccupied will your heart always be from my love. Absence of heart is forever lost to me. ©2009 Firestar