Confession of My Heart
Words flowing within a strong desire and passion to speak what go unsaid.
I love him,
But
He cares not for me in the same.
How did I fall so hard and complete for a man, who shallow like dreams with no substance within them to become real?
My heart burns for him.
He is my only desire, yet I’m without him in my arms tonight.
I would do anything for him.
Become all for him, if he just turns around see, hear and feel my heart and soul desire to love him forever.
We walk upon two different pathways,
But
Now our paths had crossed.
I reached out to him knowing I was in love with long ago.
Never saying the words that lurk within my heart and soul for him because I felt he would just laugh at my love for him.
I write words.
Create things to make his life more than what it is now,
But
He just moves about in his own little world without me.
Does he not feel my pain upon each night I cry myself to sleep?
Can he feel me sorrow upon the rising sun as I wake to another day without him being here next to me?
Confession of my heart is weeping to my pain of loving him.
Why does my mind always dream of him?
Why does my heart and soul refuse to let him go, even though other friends tell me to let him go?
I’m lingering here in space longing to hear from him or open my door to see him smiling at me.
Would I fall into his arms?
Would he just touch me and tell me what I feel is what he feel for me too?
I am being foolish for loving in silence?
I toss and turn upon my bed to all the reasons not to speak or meet him.
He is always doing his own thing about life to achieve his dream.
Yet,
Here I am always waiting for email, phone call or text from him saying he is thinking about me, as his heart and soul is missing my words and voice.
Here I am writing down my confession of my heart for him.
Will he care about these words?
I wonder.
I sit and cry.
I ache like damn fool upon the wall of sorrow waiting to dare life again, but refusing because the fear holds me back.
I tremble to his words that still repeat in my memory.
I reached out.
He reached out,
But
Like a naïve school girl, I ran away in fear from words of someone telling me things about him.
Were the words against him true?
Should I reach out one more time to him?
Do I dare hope and place faith in him and all the unknown possibilities to what could happen between us?
I love him….
I just one chance too feel his love upon my body of sin like we were meant to be always together.
I turn around and pray to God,
This one man that is my entire world is thinking about me too now.
Tears fall.
My heart is aching to taste his lips of passion.
My soul longs to share untold things with him.
Why oh why can’t I confess my heart desire to him without fear of him shutting me out of his life forever?
Can I ever find the strength to dare words to him that will set us free to meet and embrace whatever comes upon us?
Confession of my heart is aching to say what I feel must be said to him.
I just don’t want to be someone that becomes his nightmare.
I just need to look into his haunting green eyes to know what is or not between us.
Can I….
Should I dare it?
This longing is killing me.
Why is he my prince, yet my haunting demon that stirs such passion I have never felt that burns like he is the sun upon my flesh?
Why does his voice haunt me like a distant star fading from my sight?
Just once….
I wish he would just took control over my fears and demand what lurks within my heart and soul for him to breathe out, so no longer I would be in the dark to what is or not going to be for him and me.
Words I fear to say.
From the beginning to now I have hidden my love for him.
Yet, I linger to why he doesn’t speak to me.
Is it because I have refused to meet him out of fear of being shun upon sight?
Or is it because I allowed others to speak things that make me believe the worst in him?
Why doesn’t he reach out to me?
Here I am writing my heart confession out to for him to read,
But
Will he read it?
If he does will he speak to me about my words?
Will I be the fool in the end once I dare the words out a loud to where he can see, read or know them?
Why is this hard for me to tell him?
Can he be so blind or close off to what I feel about him?
Is what I have for him not something I should be feeling or express out loud to him?
This is driving me insane.
Yet, I know what is worst.
Is me dreaming of him, me loving him, me crying and longing to hear from him?
Should I see?
See….no word from him means I am nothing to his heart or soul.
Is my mind running crazy now or just being overworked with doubt?
I love him with all my heart and soul.
Now I faced with telling him or not.
Tossing and turning with tears upon my pillow.
I am always waiting for his call that never comes.
Wishing and praying to read an email from him asking me to come see him, so we can talk about this face to face,
But
Each day….
Nothing from him.
I know once or more he wanted to meet, but his words and my feelings frightened me.
I never felt this way towards man before.
Should I have told him?
Should he have known I was scared of the unknown?
Confession of my heart needs answers.
Can he just set me free from all this pain and suffering I am causing myself over him?
©2009 Firestar
