Sexy Cherry Mama's blog: "PLEASE READ GUYS!"

I need to vent before I blow. I get an email from my ex. You all know the one, that moved here, used me, then left and broke my heart? A broken heart I am still mending? Ya that one.. Ok.. SOO I get an email that just blantenly takes shots at my integrity and character. Which is funny considering its coming from the shadiest person I know. Case in point: Hasn't had a stable job in years Has been mooching off of friends and women off the internet Claims that Hurricane Katrina is something that he hasn't "dealt" with Says he loves someone, then asks someone else to marry them WHILE living in his g/fs house Talks daily, nightly to his ex that he's still in love with while living with his current g/f Lives with his current g/f and never offers to pay a single bill yet blows $300 on an uneeded IPOD Lives with current g/f and never bothers to look for a job cause he's uncomfortable Accepts $4k from a police officer for services of building an engine, yet proceeds to BLOW the $4k Tells everyone that he hates liars yet everything out of his mouth is a lie ( I have proof and witnesses ) Left his g/f for his ex who was technically engaged to another man Once at airport and current g/f is crying, he leaves and tells new room mates she was "making a scene" At a later date, has cam sex with both ex's at the same time, then proceeds to tell his 3 room mates about it Has a friend of his come to visit him, makes her lay in bed UNTIL he decides she can get up Proceeds AGAIN to tell room mates about thier sexual escapades As the friend is leaving, he can't BOTHER to get up off the couch and hug her Tears apart his room mates kitchen and then lays on the couch for 3 weeks and does NOTHING Swears to room mate he's not racing her mustang, when in fact he has a video of it Hasn't had a drivers license in 5+ years About $15k in debt for child support Goes from woman to woman via the internet. Hasn't seen his son in years and hardly ever speaks to him Oh and he's 32 fucking years old Oh and wait the BEST! he stole quarters from a little girls bedroom which she had been collecting. Now not only was he told NOT to, but she passed away 3 years ago!! Sooo for him to question MY being is soo fucking obscure to me that I am THIS close to calling that police officer he stole that money from and turning him in!!! He used me, then broke my heart.. and I am the bad person? I risked EVERYTHING by accepting him into my home and life and I got NOTHING in return. He continuely hurt me when he was here. Stating he didn't want to have MEANINGLESS sex once we knew he was leaving. MEANINGLESS when he told me he loved me the first night he was here. When I asked him about his ex, he told me I was crazy and to let it alone. Yet he LEFT ME CAUSE HE WANTED TO BE WITH HER!! Then when all was said and done, she tells him she just wants to be friends. Ha! He acts like he is this BIG important person and he's really a worthless piece of shit. I can't believe I ever loved him, but I did and it STILL stings. I will ABSOLUTELY MURDER HIM if I see him again. I am sooo angry and hurt by all this I want to SCREAM! He then goes on to attack my friends ( his former room mates ) cause HE says they treated him like shit. WELL when you MOOCH off of someone for WEEKS, make up excuses for reason you can't do this or that and then LIE to thier face and abuse thier kindness THEY AREN"T GOING TO BE HAPPY WITH YOU!! I don't get how someone can just simply be SOOOO far in left field on their outlook in life it scares me. I worry about my son growing up in society around this and even running into someone like this in this life. But I am in such a fucking foul mood over this asshole that I want to hit someone. PS something funny... he left an ass load of stuff at my house. So I recently cut up a baseball cap of his, given away his car models and am now in the process of selling his beloved poker ships. FUCKER

So I just don't understand why I am constantly used. I bend over backwards and make people happy. I wear my heart on my sleeve and trust everyone and I get nothing in return but hurt feelings. I constantly get used over and over and I can't seem to change it. Everytime I get my hopes up I get kicked in the face. When will it end? I just want someone that will love me the way I should be! I want REAL friends that won't talk shit about me, I want real friends that won't be judgemental, I want a family that doesn't make assumptions. I just don't know what I have to do to get what I want. How do I have to blow for a decent break in life. ANYONE? I didn't think so. Oh and letting go is harder then I ever thought. Never had to let go of something like what I am now and its making for a difficult time.

Do you all know that feeling of finding someone you love? The feeling of them over clouding your every thought. You constantly wonder what they are doing and if they are thinking about you. WHen your stomach does a flip flop when you see thier name on caller ID or when a message pops up from them? And when you go out for the first time and your legs touch and you don't move away and neither do they. Or when you hold hands for the first time. The way thier skin feels touching yours for the first time. The way thier lips feel againest yours when you first kiss. You know all of the feelings. The first hug, the first kiss, the first time you have sex, the first time you meet thier friends, the whole thing. Isn't that what we live for? I do. I LIVE for the firsts in relationships. I live for the first time you look at them are realize you love them. I live fore hearing those words and know that someone wants to be with you. I live for the times you make love and look into one anothers eyes. I live for the little text messages. But with all those ups, there are always downs. And it seems the older we get the worse those downs are. I sit here and my heart aches for someone. I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment and just lay here and cry my life away. I feel so hurt and betrayed by my lost love that I just don't know what to do with myself. And we have all been there. Some of us have been through exactly the same thing, some less some worse and we all hurt in different ways. No one can tell you how much you hurt or for how long you should. No one can judge you or make assumptions for the pain you feel in regards to how long you loved this person. You can be with someone 6 years and hurt the same as someone you loved in a month. Its all about how you love. The intensity you let yourself love. I have loved many people in my time. And yet the two times I have had my heart broke where by far the most intense loves. They were fast and hard and long distance. I have loved quickly before but they have all been different. And even as I sit here still heart broken, I realize that I am looking foward to meeting that one person I was meant to love. That one person that will show me the love I have longed for. The one that will love me unconditionally. I know it sounds stupid but I can't wait to love again, even if I have to have my heart broken again then so be it. But its something that will happen naturally and not over the internet again. Nothing in life is free, and anything worth having is worth fighting for. And since a broken heart can't kill you, it can actually only make you smarter and wiser right?

Hi Ya'll! I want to get something straight and put it out on the table. I am on this site to have fun and meet cool people. I have meet some awesome people and not so nice people. But I am NOT looking for a boyfriend or a relationship ( because they are useless really ) and I have no vacancies on any of my phone sex, cam to cam or fuck buddies lists so please don't ask me to cam or for phone sex. I'm a single mom with a full time job and a house to run and my own social outside LC.. so please be cool and just be my friend! =)~ HOWEVER.. if you would like to EXCHANGE photos or videos then I am game.. I do have more pics and am always willing to take more! =)~ Love you all and thanks for the love! KISSES!