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Let down again

Why does it happen to me?? Why do I ALWAYS want someone I can't have, need someone that is not near or get used by someone for no reason? Is it really karma coming back to get me after all the wrong doing I have done in my life. Is this payback for all the pain I out my parents in for no reason other then pure selfish ones? I often wonder. But then I think why am I so bothered by all this? WHAT am I looking for/ wanting or expecting out of men or relationships in general? Am I looking for that never ending, euphoric love that everyone sees in movies and on TV? Here is an odd question, how often does that ever really last? Sure you meet someone, you fall in love, you lose your mind basically, then you decide to make a decision to spend the rest of your life together. Then after the kids come, and the mortgage and bills you have somehow fallen out of love and its now a routine. Its just a great pair of shoes that you can't live without but sometimes wish were new and shiney again. You then realize you've come to resent the shoes cause you aren't as happy now with them as yuo were when you first saw them. You then start tossing them around and are unhappy. After you get caught trying on other shoes, you end up going to court and all of this cost you the whole fucking closet you kept them in!.... So here is the question: Why buy the pair of shoes you can't live without instead of buying the shoes YOU know you will keep forever and are comfortable? My friend and I recently have had many discussions on what marriage and happily ever after is suppose to be. I have been fighting to fight for love and happiness and he's fight is for common sense and security. Are we suppose to find that ONE soul mate or the ONE person that will put up with all of our bullshit and still be there in the morning? I have officially given up on that right person bullshit. Not to say that there isn't the right person out there for someone, but for me there isnt'. I have dated enough men to know that trust, honesty and hard work is the best almost anyone can do nowadays. Who said you have to be HEAD over heels for someone to marry then when really you end up losing that eventually anyway. Why not marry that ONE person that knows exactly who you are and still loves you. That person that knows you can be moody and bitchy, sometimes mean spirited and yet has the balls to tell you that you are full of shit?? Why not marry someone that can give up soo many things for you and you both take a leap of faith in eternal happiness. Why not marry someone that loves the idea of getting married on Halloween and have the bridal party dressed us vampires and dead girls? So if I have someone like that am I crazy to NOT marry them or is it even more crazy to hold out for something that 1. Might not ever happen. B. won't last forever and 3. might not be all you think it is?

CRAZY BRANDI

Awww life.. man when its up its up when its down its down. I realized it'd been a while since I posted or even did a survey. I have a LOT going on at the moment most of it being mental stress. So let me bust it down: 1. Living situation-my lease is up 12-31 but because my credit is so bad i need to start looking NOW so i can save 2. Found a place but I basically have to come up with $2500 in the month of december not to mention its x-mas 3. My parents both have lots of medical issues. My mom has heart disease, my dad has more issues then I can talk about. but my mom can have a stroke at anytime and that scares me. Shes been under a lot of stress 4. My sister is having a baby and getting married. Her wedding is only 9 weeks away and its nuts. 5. My job sux 6. I found out that the health insurance that my boss was suppose to put into force on 9/1 won't take effect until 11/15. AND my asthma will not be covered. SO if I need to go to the Dr for anything asthma related I have to pay for it myself. If I have an asthma attack and need to go to the ER I might as well die. 7. my asthma HAS been acting up and I am completely out of medication so I might ACTUALLY die BEFORE my health insurance goes into effect. 8. I have some friends I hold dear going through a bvery rough and odd situation with my ex asshole. I mean boyfriend, I mean bed warmer. Whatever he was he's is causing a lot of drama and pain in the home he is crashing at that are also my friends. Oh and did I mention my house is a WRECK, I hate moving, I'm PMS-ing and I need glasses!! WOOHOO Hehe other then that everything is A OK =)~

The sound of Content

Did you hear that??? OMG I think hell just FROZE OVER! I am content!! Emotionally stable even! Ok maybe hell didn't freeze over but I am sure traffic stopped momentarily when I realize I am in the best place emotionally as I have been in years. And its a nice feeling. I mean sure I have my moments, and yes my bed is big and empty, but I don't have that constant feeling of loneliness that I usually do. That's the feeling that feeds the voice of that little person that says "you need a man". Emotionally I am perfect. I am not heart broke, or hurt, or lonely even. I am happy just where I am. Which is funny cause I thought it'd take a little longer then it has. But I have soo much going on in my life now that maybe it helped me resolve me issues sooner so I can move on or it was just time. I do know that a lot of my calmness has to with me meeting new people and chatting. I have met some VERY cool people over the last few weeks and have built some great friendships at the least. I think refreshing your friends list and just getting new outlooks and prospectives on things helps you grow. I know I have met someone in particular that makes me laugh and we have an instant connection. Its nice to feel that there are people you can still connect with. I just feel like my life is full of great people, great friends and an amazing little boy, at this point I can't ask for much more. And I am soo looking forward to meeting all my new friends. And its nice to know that I now have lots of places to visit when I need to go somewhere. California seems to be a popular spot it, hehe.. So after the new year and my life settles we'll see where I end up first or who comes to see me.

The things I miss

the things I miss.. I miss the smell of you I miss the low tone of your voice I miss your crabby face I miss your thin fingers I miss your long legs I miss your cooking I miss the words you say But I REALLY... Miss the way you kissed me when you were on top of me Miss the look in your eyes when you are hard and ready Miss the sexy glare you gave me when you were in my mouth Miss the way you pull my hair as you pounded me Miss the sound you made when I came in your mouth Miss the deep sighs of pleasure when you were in me Miss the growl you let out when you finally cum And still... I miss the vibe I miss the body I miss the soul I miss the moments I miss the "I love you"s I miss the man I miss just you

Waiting-A Poem

I sit and look at the time It feels like I am always waiting Giving you my minutes So I can have the things I want I wait for your attention, To hear your kind words To know that you miss Or love me or need me I know I shouldn’t though It not smart to be here I know deep down in me I won’t ever hear those things But I can’t help it you see Cause I can’t help but want you So I will be here waiting I just pray you don’t take forever

The Balcony-Erotic Story

I’m standing on my balcony in the late hours of the night. It’s a cool night, with a light breeze that sweeps through my lose hair from my ponytail and tickles my neck. I feel the coolness twirl inside my silk robe that sits on my shoulders. I am looking at the stars and hearing the cars go by on the street below me. Its smells fresh and crisp in the night air, like wet grass and clean air. I hear the screen door slide open behind me, and then shut. I tingle with anticipation that will you will be walking over to me and putting your hands on me. I hear the movement behind me as I feel your hand softly touch the back of my neck.. I feel your fingers wrap around to the front of my neck and work their way to my jaw line. I feel you pull my head back and to the side then feel the warmth of your breathe next to my ear. I start to breathe heavy as I can not feel your body close to me, except your soft hands on my neck and the moist deep breathe that is sending waves of excitement down my body. I can feel that I am already getting wet with the very thought of you touching me. I then feel your other hand graze my shoulder, just enough to slip off my robe. I feel the silk touch my ass and calves as it falls to the ground. As I stand there naked, I want nothing more to then to touch you. As I move my hand towards you, you whisper “No” into my ear. Your take my hands and place them on the balcony railing and press on them as to let me know to leave them there. With that I felt the soft skin of your chest touch my shoulder and the very action sent a shiver to my clit. Its starting to throb more with every passing moment. As I stand there, naked and aching to be touched I feel your hands come under my arms and under my breasts. I let out a sigh to let you know how it feels. I feel your hands cup my breasts and gently start to knead them. Your fingertips reach to my nipples and squeeze gently. I let out a soft moan as this heightens my state of arousal. Then I feel your warm wet kisses on the back of my neck. I feel you work your way down my spine between my shoulder blades. Now I feel you take your foot and push my ankle away, making my legs spread open. With my legs spread far and wide, my hands still on the railing. I still have yet to feel your body pressed against mine but it doesn’t matter. My wetness is running down my inner thigh, just waiting for you to ravage me. Your fingers graze me from my clit to my ass and back. With this, I sigh so deeply and loudly you gently whimper with excitement. My clit is literally throbbing and I feel your ring and first finger spread my lips apart and your middle finger finally make full contact on my clit. As you start to circle my clit with your finger, I start to tremble. You move it faster and faster you suddenly insert two fingers inside me. I moan out load and with that I feel your warm wet tongue on my clit. I gasp as the pleasure of it makes me cum instantly and squirt into your mouth and down your chin. While you are breathing heavy from being aroused by my cum, I push you onto the floor of the balcony and see your bulging manhood. As I reach down to slid your shorts off, I throw my leg over you and am now straddling you. I lean down and graze my nipples across your chest. I lean down to kiss you but as I get closer I move over to your ear where I breathe heavily into it. My lips never touch your ear, but my long hair tickles your neck. I work my way down your chest with my big breast are massaging your muscles along the way. I am now an inch from your cock. I can feel the wetness under my chin, and you are twitching uncontrollably. I then lower my face to the bottom of your shaft. I lightly flick it with my tongue, causing your leg to bounce. I then open my mouth and take in your entire cock down to the base. You moan my name under your breath as I am coming up slowly and swirling my tongue around your head. I can feel the pressure building as my lips are being guided by my hand. I am gripping tighter and tighter and as I start to moan I feel the warmth of your juices in my mouth. As I sit back soaking up the look on your face, you lock eyes with me and sit up. You crawl close to me, inching towards my face and you put your hand on my face and lean in to kiss me. You kiss me deeply and passionately so that I am weak in my knees even though I am not standing. You place your other hand around my neck and slowly lower me to my back. You press your hot hard body ontop of me, and are kissing my and sweeping the hair off my face. I wrap my legs around your lean legs and pull you closer. I can feel your still excited cock enter me and slide deep inside me. I lean my head back with pleasure and you gently tug my hair back. While kissing my neck, you are gently and slowly sliding in and out of me. I grab your back and thrust my hips towards you as you go deep. Our pace quickens, as my clit is getting stimulated from the friction, I can feel the build up. I look at your face, and look deep into your eyes, and with the final thrust we both cry out to the heavens as we have reached our nirvana. As you lay on top of me, I can see the sun is about to rise over the trees. I grab you and we both stand up and lean against the railing. You stand behind me, your entire body against mine and we watch the sun rise. Its so quiet and peaceful that we can almost hear the sun sizzling on the horizon. You whisper into my ear that you love me and always will. I gently kiss the back of your hand and we just stand there in our embrace forever keeping that moment pure and precious and sweet.

Daydream-Erotic Story

It's a hot day there. She is lying on a float in her pool watching the clouds slowly float by as there is no breeze sweeping over her hot skin. She grazes her fingers across the top of the water. It’s so soft and gentle, and yet wet and exciting. She can't help but day dream about him now. She closes her eyes and she can see his face, looking innocent yet very naughty. She wants to run her hands across his face and run her fingers through his hair. She wants to pull him in so she can taste his lips and feel his tongue. She wants to kiss him so deeply and passionately that he knows how bad she want wants. How she wants to feel his skin against her, how she wants to know how he smells and how he looks at the moment of ecstasy. She wants to touch his skin that is colored with ink. And trace the black lines with her tongue. She wants to run her tongue along his ear lobe, nibble the ear and whisper to him that she can’t wait to feel him deep inside of her. And whisper to him that she wants to feel as close to him as a person can. She wants to nibble on his neck and send shivers down his spine. She can almost see the bumps rise from his skin and it ignites her fiery passion. With her eyes closed and her hand in her bikini bottom, yet she’s still in another place in her mind. That place where she would kiss his nipples and bite them gently. She’d make her way down to his huge cock. She’d hope you’ll be wet with anticipation. She’d gently run her fingers down his wide shaft down to his balls making sure to graze her face against his soft cock. She’d softly kiss his inner thighs, making her way to his balls. She’d run her tongue from the bottom of them to the bottom of his long shaft. She’d then kiss his shaft all the way to the head where she’d then lick the rim while he moans with pleasure. She’d then take his hard cock into her mouth and moan with delight as it feels good to know she is pleasing him. She’d use her soft hand to guide her mouth up and down his cock, feeling it throb with bliss. She would continue to run her tongue over his head while he is in her warm wet mouth. As she felt his excitement rise she could feel his orgasm building from his balls to the head of his cock. She heard him gasp for air and moan her name as she felt his warm cum in her mouth. She glances at his face to see the lovely sight of ecstasy. With him being pleased, she’s now dripping with anticipation. First she’d grab his hand and push it between her legs. She'd make him rub pussy lips and feel the wetness to show how he turns her on. Then she'd make him rub her clit with his thumb as his other two fingers are in her pussy rubbing her g-spot. He can feel all the ridges of her pussy as she is wrapped tight around his fingers. She’s getting close so she pushes his hand away. She then holds down his hands and climb onto his face. She wants him to lick her pussy long and hard, but first he starts slow. She can feel his tongue flick the hood of her clit. She then feels his tongue fuck her. It’s soft and wet and feels delicious. Can he taste her pussy juices? Now with her clit exposed and swollen she feels him move his mouth over it. She can feel his teeth around her clit, squeezing it so gently that is makes her howl his name. She can feel him flicking the button with his tongue and with every flick makes her body twitch with pleasure. She’s soo close that she grabs his hair and shoves his face deeper into her pussy. She can feel him feverishly licking her pussy. She’s getting soo close that she starts to ride his face. Moving her hips back and forth until she feels it... oh god... She lifts away from his mouth and squirts her cum over his face... She now is shaking from satisfaction and leans down to lick her cum off his face and kisses him deeply. He has become aroused again from pleasing her. So now she is at his will. He sits up and starts kissing her from behind. He kisses her ears and neck while reaching around and rubbing her breasts. He is kissing the back of the neck then works his way down her spine, and bends her over. While kissing her lower back, he gently slips his throbbing manhood into her wet pussy. She moans as she feels the head of his cock enter her. She feels him deep within her as he slowly drives his hips against her ass. He rubs his hand up her back and onto her scalp. He grabs hold of her hair, gently yet firmly which drives her crazy. She shrieks with excitement and he begins to thrust his cock into her harder, hitting her G-Spot. She then reaches down and begins to rub her clit while she hears his breathe quicken. He moans under his breath that he’s about to cum, she can feel the pressure inside her and she’s rubbing her clit feverishly and just as she feel the rush of warm liquid between her legs she opens her eyes wide. She is snapped out of her daydream and realizes she had just pleased herself unknowingly while floating in her pool. She can feel her pussy wet, a different wet then pool water. Her breaths are short and fast as she is coming down from the high of her day dream. It felt so real and vivid to her. She wondered if she had felt that amount of pleasure in a previous life. All she could do was smile to her self at the wonderment of a fantasy.

My Ephipany

So I had a mini ephipany yesterday or was it the day before? Actually I think it was a day long ephipany. I realized that I am all upset and heartbroken over someone that isn't worth it. I gave someone my love, my life and my home and got nothing in return but a broken heart. And you know what thats ok.. cause thats life. But to STILL be upset when he doesn't talk to me or give me attention? IT'S STUPID!!! I really shouldn't care and I realize now, and even more so sitting here writing this that I DON'T! Of course I will always love him but I shouldn't still care past that. And I am not going to. He is a good guy deep down, but he has got a LOT of things to figure out and I realize that he and I aren't on the same page in life and I want to move on to a new chapter. I am not faulting him for being him or even the fact he's got some things to figure out. My point is I am no longer going to care. I want him to be happy and thats it. So I wash my hands of this and move on! Oh I am getting rid of the other people in my life that make me feel used and are good for nothing. I have responsibilites I have to focus on and don't need those negative thoughts and feelings around me.

I want

This is what I want for you.. I want you to find your drive in life I want you to decide what you want to do with you life I want you to set a goal for yourself I want you to make a plan to get to that goal I want you to figure out who you are I want you to come to terms with your pain I want you to reconnect with reality This is what I want for me I want someone with ambition I want someone with a goal I want someone that works hard I want someone to stand beside me I want someone that will do whatever it takes I want someone to make me a better person I want someone that won't lie to me This is what I want from you I want you to make me feel safe I want you to love me with all you are I want you to want to be with me I want you to know what we could be I want you to make me feel like you won't hurt me I want you to make me number 1 I want you to love me like you do her And maybe when you are there we can be

THE THEME TO MY LIFE!!

A song by Rodney Atkins! Well you know those times When you feel like there's a sign there on your back Say's I don't mind if ya kick me Seems like everybody has Things go from bad to worse You'd think they can't get worse than that And then they do You step off the straight and narrow And you don't know where you are Use the needle of your compass To sew up your broken heart Ask directions from a genie In a bottle of Jim Beam And she lies to You That's when you learn the truth If you're going through hell Keep on going, Don't slow down If you're scared, don't show it You might get out Before the devil even knows you're there Well I been deep down in that darkness I been down to my last match Felt a hundered different demons Breathing fire down my back And I knew that if I stumbled I'd fall right into the trap that they were laying,Yeah But the good news Is there's angels everywhere out on the street Holding out a hand to pull you back upon your feet The one's that you been dragging for so long You're on your knees You might as well be praying Guess what I'm saying If you're going through hell Keep on going, Don't slow down If you're scared, don't show it You might get out Before the devil even knows you're there Yeah, If you're going through hell Keep on moving, Face that fire Walk right through it You might get out Before the devil even knows you're there If you're going through hell Keep on going, Don't slow down If you're scared, don't show it You might get out Before the devil even knows you're there Yeah, If you're going through hell Keep on moving, Face that fire Walk right through it You might get out Before the devil even knows you're there Yeah you might get out Before the devil even knows you're there Yeah
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