RhiannonMari Pagan Family's blog: "Peering into a piece of me..."

Eternal In the case of life and love, there is light… and darkness. Neither being “good” or “bad”, and yet, Both being difficult and exciting! Some hearts are broken and some lives are lost, But with each of the sorrows and losses and endings, There also comes a feeling of happiness and new spirit! And when you feel like turning in for good… There’s always the tiniest ray of hope to shine through… And when you fear that love is lost, once and for all… Chin up, true love will find you again! Though darkness is constant and always near, Lightness and love are likewise, eternally!! ~Rhiannon revised 1/17/04

Dance of the Lonesome Doves Frightened and weary, Hard and true… Cold with thoughts that never leave, Yet strengthened by love that shall never end… A wolf that howls a warning of darkness yet to come… His heart beating, Pounding to the beat of drums on the raging wind… Sacrificing itself to the mountains rising before it… ‘…Fall back, lie in your defeat, Cross down to the breezy path alone…’ ‘I cannot give up, how could I go on? You are my love, You are my home…’ Far off in the distance, Yet close to my heart I share in your feelings… Walk side by side with your soul… You think you’re lost… I’m building you a way… Weaving it with mine…. Please do as you will, Just know that I am here… And that I love you. A whisper of comfort catches you in its embrace… Spinning you through the winds of time Beating in a rhythm akin to the heart of the kindred… Breathless love and desire draws you through Eternity’s portal… And lifts you towards love everlasting… I see you, not with my eyes, But with my heart… My entire being pulsing with a feeling all but new to me… Cause it was you all along… We share the same breath…My Eternal Love! My Dark Angel, my own, I will love you with all that I am… And hope you may receive me as your own… And that, one-day, I may prove worthy of such a beautiful and loving kindred being as thyself! Je Taime My lord, my love… I am yours eternally… Rebecca Lynn Cox 2-19-02

Child stranger of the night… Who dares upon darkness in the light… Passes through their naked skin… To meet the eldest stranger within. We see ourselves in the brightest shadows, Trapped inside the world’s smallest soul. Not knowing what our futures hold… Not knowing where we may have been… … We die within. ~Rhiannon

Shutting the Doors Shutting the doors… Closing my mind… From the dangers waiting within. To open my mind… Sheds light on my every thought… And leaves me unprotected from the hurt in the end… Behind the door lies a hammer… And so that door must never be opened… For the hammer hurts too, too much… Opening that door… Opens up my heart… And in the end all that will do… is kill. Rhiannon 10-10-96

Spring, summer, winter and fall Walk into the hall… “To make your dreams reality,” they said, “You must accept us all… Beneath the sunlight And above the rain, I’ll show you to your dreams… But grab ahold of them quickly, Before the rain is gone. Knowledge is enlightenment… And understanding is the key. And when you understand… You will be set free.” Rhiannon don't remember when i wrote this, except that it was one of my first of my own choosing, not an assignment in school. lol

Awake but constantly dreaming… Alive yet feeling far from it… The distance keeps growing, Though I struggle so to keep myself here and now! I’m feeling a loss, so deep and so sad… Though everything around me is good. My home, my family, my life… It doesn’t make sense to feel so lost! Where are my tears? What is this life? Is it mine? Is it real? I’m losing all sense of what is and what’s true… I’m losing all sense of myself! What will happen to him if I should succumb? What will happen to my little one? How will my loved ones get on without me? Where is my light at the end of the tunnel? I’m torn in this struggle of mine… Between wanting to get better, And wanting to give in… I wish I would just move on. I want to see things differently… I want to make a difference in someone’s life. I want the world to be bettered by me in some small way. I wish to be remembered… What are these dreams anyways? The dreams of a materialistic, wanting girl… No dream worthy of manifesting… I just hope I can make tomorrow look brighter… jan 8th, 2004

My dearest one, My one true love… I sit here numb and helpless… Missing you… Feeling your loss… Wishing for just one bit of your touch… Your eyes upon me… But that will continue to be my wish… As I cannot dare conceive Or even dream of getting in your way… When you are on such a road… I can only be here… Waiting for the moment in which you will let me know… Let me in… And let me help you… Help US… Through this confusion… Through this…destructive darkness… I love you with all my soul… All of my being… And I will always come back… The silver thread that ties and binds… Grows stronger each moment with you… The more time I am with you… The more I can no longer imagine myself without! And you know what, my love? I don’t want to imagine life without! There is no life without… I don’t know that there ever was before you… You have seen my past… Or at least have heard of it… It was nothing… I was nothing… And may haps you do not see it now… But with you, my love… I am loved… I am trusted… I am yours! And that… Means more to me… Than you will EVER imagine! I love you, Aidan… And I am yours… eternally!!! ~Rhiannon

Mine Eyes Are Open I open my eyes To meet every day… The sky is dark, The animals are stirring… And the trees stand tall… But it’s cold, And the trees are bare. It’s fall…one of the darkest times of the year. If only I could close my eyes… And end Fall this very instant… Better still…close my eyes… And end my very existence! Rhiannon 10-10-96

-L O S T- I can’t see, I’m lost somewhere… Life is faded, Time is nonsense… Nothing is as I remember. Confused, and alone… Though ‘tis not how it is! Surrounded by love, Is feeling crowding and frightened! It’s a deafness, this feeling, Though I’m not quite sure how… So overwhelmed… Can’t sense the world going on around me! Aware, but unaware, And so very lost and afraid… Family is distant, And yet, in need of my help… Or is it I, who needs their help… Their presence? I know not of what I speak… Only …that all is a haze, And I am in the middle of it. Can I not live? May I not BE?? Is there not I can do… To stop this revolution around sorrows of old??? Where does this path lead? Is there a tunnel leading out? Is there freedom at the gate? Or am I lost eternally… There is no forwards, There is no return. There is no present, no ‘now’ Only haze, ever lost… … Where does this lead? Where can I go? Doing more damage than I know of… And not enough help to prevail. Mother, sister…Summer…and Ray, How sorely I do miss u… But that is not the whole that dwells within. That is not the void I can’t escape! What that void is, I cannot say… Only that it tears at my existence, As meager and uncertain as it is… And my heart is so unsure…so unclear. I don’t need all the answers, Just want a true path to follow… Am I doing what’s right? Or hurting those I love… By trying to help and be loving and caring, Am I not making happiness for those I love? Is there no way I can truly make one happy… What can I do to make myself better for him… For ANY of them…family, friends, him… How come I can’t be better… How come I can’t be better and in turn be better for him??? For them…? What makes me so different? Or do I just WANT to be so different… Can’t I just be social and … And just be comfortable in this world…? Can’t I just be happy with what I’ve got? Can’t I just live in this world as others do? Why can’t I just go out and have fun… Why can’t quality time just be all I need… What is it that makes me feel that there’s something missing??? What is missing? Where do I belong??? Is there such a place? Am I so alone? I’m not satisfied, I’m not comfortable with this world I live in… I feel as though I’m lost in a world I do not know! Where does one turn with that feeling? What does one do? Who does one turn to when they r faced with that? So many people faced with that… Though each situation is different. Even as many of us as there are, We cannot turn to one another… As we r not like one another, It’s a race of people, Where each person speaks a different language… And there is no translator… Can’t u see? I’m blind… I’m deaf… We’re lost… And I’m at the back of the line… And all r too tall for me to see what’s going on… So many poems… So many mindless, repetitive poems… All saying the same thing… We r not alone, And yet, we r… And there is no one that can save us, but ourselves… And we r lost, and I am afraid… I am one, but I am part of all of u… And neither of us know it… The pounding, is insane… I’m trapped…with no release… And I am sorry… To be wasting time on another poem… Like all the rest… … … LOST… ~Rhiannon 10-20-02

Life It’s about taking chances, taking risks… About caring when no one cares back. It’s about making a choice Between right and wrong… About making the best of a bad situation… It’s about not giving up When you’re convinced it’s over. Life isn’t about living or dying… It’s about surviving and making the most of it all. Life is about being all you can be. It’s living your life…to the fullest! Life…live it well… And, as Spock says, “Live long, and prosper.” Rhiannon 10-7-96 *ok, the end is corny, but it was all i could think of. lol*