Ok since my last set of blogs was so wildly popular I have been asked by some to recount another tale. This one is from quite a while ago and I just never got around to putting it too paper.....I think I will call it the "Road to Hell" Your central cast on this one....Myself and Barry.... Anyone else notice a pattern there?
Ok so it starts mildly enough on a Wednesday. I know that is not a normal night to start getting shitty, but when you live like us everynight is a night to try and die. We get a call late Tuesday to work a show that Wednesday night, so we scramble to get off and head to the show. We get there work the show and have not had a drop of the Hooche all day.(See we do not have to drink.)This is going great so far doing good.
Well the show ends and we decide to eat...Do we go to get fast food? Hell no we go to a wrestling staple Hooters.(If you have read one of my previous blogs you know how I feel about this) Well several beers later we get on the road and head home. We can never drink together again. No major incidents.
Thursday rolls around, and I get a call from Barry that we are going to a local bar Champs but first to meet him at Chatters, a local restaurant. I show up meet up sith some friends and have a few beers and a couple of shots nothing too bad. We decide to head to Champs. Now this is a monumentaly bad idea. Thursday nights its "Bottomless Cup Night". Meaning $8 gets you all the beer you can drink. Well we take this as a personal challenge. They are about 20 oz. cups we drink about 15 a piece and have about 8 shots a piece as well. This is not a good mixture... We quickly approach what i call "Gimmick Drunk". This is the point where we stop being us and switch into our gimmicks and have no mercy on anyone. Everyone was fair game. here are a few sampalings of things that took place....
We hit on every woman in the bar twice. We piss off most of them.
I insult 3/4 of Joplin when i remember a favorite word that I used to have "Gutter sluts"
Barry Motorboated 2 women several times. These were not women that he would normally even talk to.
I try and pick a fight with everything walking to no avail.
I manange to piss off a midget because I would not sell a shitty elbow to the head.
I told one girl that I do not know why she left her house as she was almost attractive and could not catch a man if her nipples leaked beer and her vaj was the gateway to heavan. She says she is married. I say he is a pitiful excuse for a man and must be blind. She did not laugh.
Barry called to guys in the bathroom Meat gazers. I ridicule them mercilessly. They were not gay just pussies.
Barry leaves with an attractive girl. Has sex. Then when she looks like a five year old who just shit their pants look after he says the term "Post Coital activites" calls her a flaming retard, walks home 3 miles in cowboy boots, because she drove him to her house....(He could have called me I would have came and got him).
WE CAN NEVER DRINK TOGETHER AGAIN.
Friday, we are so hung over its pathetic. Breatheing hurts. Barry manages to talk me into coming over although I have no desire to leave my bed...it is 6p.m.(Yes I know that is bad...but damn it my brain hurt) I drop by his place and we got to dinner..We flirt mercilessly with women.. So far no Booze. On the way back to his place we stop at another local establishment....Bdubs. 5 tall beers a piece later we are feeling better but trying to figure out how we started drinking again. We can never drink together again.
Saturday I finally have a day of rest as I have no shows booked. Barry goes to OKC to wrestle I stay home and try and recover. At this point my liver is no longer speaking to me. I get bored and start drinking. Stupid Whiskey. It is uneventful and I am lonely.Perhaps I should not drink at all.
Sunday, the typical day of rest. I am hung over but not bad. 5 P.M. Barry calls. "Gio, come over and lets go eat. I swear no drinking!" I have heard this before and fall for it every time. I get there and we go to eat at Logan's Steakhouse. We actually make it through our meals with no booze. Then the Pitchers start. 2 pitchers in and we should stop. Barry starts to flirt with the waitress, I start to throw peanuts. I con the bartender into giving us free drinks. We have these things called Roadhouse Teas. This is a long Island with Everclear the Drink of the devil. Things start to get shitty. I con the bartender in to a couple of shots a piece. we are getting drunk. Barry convinces the waitress to meet us at another bar....Bdubs. This is a bad idea.... We head over and start drinking beer like tomorrow they are starting prohibition again. About an hour and a half later Barry and I are "Gimmick drunk" yet again. The waitress show up and brings her roomate with her. She refuses to drink anything. NO water no soda nothing. Barry comes up with a GREAT idea.... We need to go to the strip club. I am to drunk to argue but I convince the stick in the mud taht I hate strip clubs and that she needs to come keep me company. This works. I am amazed. We go and I do not get to look at boobies because I have to pretend I am not happy to be there.(This is utter bullshit....I love naked women always have always will)Barry manages to talk the price down with a stripper to less than half price for him and his "Date" to get a private dance. Barry spends too much money and still does not get laid but we set it up for later in the week. We should not drink together.
The rest of that story gets dry and boring and I will not bore anyone with it.
In 5 days we were not sober once. I am pretty sure we mananged to take 10 years off of our lives. Meaning we got about 3 years left as I count it. Hell called that monday and said that were calling to confirm our reservations. I took this as a bad omen.
I am sure I have left some things out of this story as it was about a year ago and hell I can not remeber yesterday. Barry if I missed soemthing let me know so we can add it.
The moral of the story is this...We should not drink together.
